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I'm 13 and we are considering "fingering", does it hurt and how should we do it?

Tagged as: Age differences, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 April 2009) 18 Answers - (Newest, 15 June 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Okay, well I'm 13 my boyfriend is 15. He is 22 months older then me. He is very very sweet and always is like, "we are not doing anything that you are not sure about or comfortable with." and he means that, seriously. He gets really really worked up about how he wants me to be ready ect ect. Well basically, my problem is...

Me and my boyfriend were talking about fingering. I insisted I was okay with it, and we are considering it. I know that some of his friends have fingered and tossed off, but I know my bf hasn't, because he has never pushed a girl- and no other girl has considered it with him. It would be the first time fingering with me, too. And if it is both of our first times, we both won't really know what to do! Does it hurt? What does he actually do? What' should I do about my pubes, he knows I shave but I'm not sure what to do for fingering! When does he do it, whilst kissing? Whilst flirting? I know I am ready for this, and we love each other so I want this to be perfect! But It's my first time so.. I don't know what to actually do! Thanks, please help x

View related questions: fingering, flirt, kissing

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

first of all u are to young to date a guy that has a masive gap

between u

And second of all ur to young to finger each

Why don't wait a little bit longer!!!'

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010):

Hey, I was fingered for the first time today. I am 13. And so is my boyfriend. I loved it.. We got turned on and made out. And he suggested letting him eat me out.. But, I said no. See people there is such a thing as NO. Lol! I am waiting until fifteen for anything other then a handjob and fingering.. (:

Hope this helped a little. (: Bye Bye! Hope this helped.

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A female reader, becluvsyou Australia +, writes (1 June 2010):

I personally think that you are too young! Your boyfriend may be ready but you have to remember that is is older than you! Fingering can seem harmless but it can and will lead to sex at a very early age! Unless you want to get pregnant i wouldn't suggest doing this whilst you are still in middle school! I think you should wait until you are at least 16 and give it a go then... dont be afraid of telling your boyfriend because if he gets mad and doesnt respect your decision to wait then he is not worth it anyway! Hope this helps :)

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A female reader, BiancaMichelle United States +, writes (3 February 2010):

BiancaMichelle agony auntI totally understand your concern...

First of all don't listen to the people who are telling you not to do it. If you really want to do it and you know your in love then you are fine just know your boundaries sounds like you have a great guy too.

* Shaving : I do. Its clean and out of the way... most guys like that. [plus if you ever go farther and let him eat you out def shave cuz its gonna be really awkward for him]

* Pain: Well make sure there is enough making out and passionate touching to get you wet that will make it a lot easier and if you can sneak giving him some hand sanitizer b4 he fingers you it wont hurt that bad afterward because there wont be any foreign bacteria down there.

* Don't let him go too deep at first or it will be uncomfortable make sure he goes in and out slowly and speed up after u are more comfortable. Also it isn't a bad thing to grab his hand once it is down there and guide him and show him what you like.

* Other than that just lay back and open your legs and moan quietly! don't over do it. & maybe add in a few words like " oh that feels good" it will give him more confidence.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010):

sorry to burst your bubble but you are very young to be fingered. If you really love each other, you will wait until your 19-20. If you have looked up on this than you will soon figure out that that can lead to teen pregnancy. And if you wait until 19-20, you will find out if he is a promising man with a good heart.

hoped that helped

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A female reader, supaficiallysexy United States +, writes (27 December 2009):

well hey there, im 14 years and well i was fingered about a week ago he's not my boyfriend but we are getting there.I believe i have your answers...now lets start with that pubic hair issue, it's your choice to shave or leave it alone what i did was shave a lil so that the hair was nice and light you should prolly do the same.What you do...um actually nothing, just lay back, open your legs, and invite him in with an assuring look, soft seducing moans will change the whole mood(not too loudly though try to control that)He's the one with the most work and that is to pleasure you. No it doesnt hurt maybe a little at first ( if he has long finger nails then yea, prepare for pain unless you like the pinchy feeling) after a couple strokes though it doesnt hurt it actually feels quite good. And if you want it to be perfect go to a quiet secluded place with low lights and play a little soft music. Control is the keyword!!don't forget.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009):

You need to keep calm if you don't it will hurt he should insert his fingers and move in and out just like a sex toy

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009):

hey dear, i know just how you feel. Ummm early this week i was fingered for the first time as well. Im 13 and the guy is 15, his done everything but sex. He liked me and I loved it. His sweet cute hot everything I want in a guy. So I felt like I had to do stuff for him to still like me. Looking back on it I wish I was thinking clearer. Just before you do anything ask your self what your wanting to do it. If you still feel its what you really want do it. It doesnt hurt but is very weird at first give it time trust me it does get sooo much better! All you need to do is open you legs and stay clam it makes it like 10 times easier on him. As for what he will do every guy is a little different. No worrys

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009):

hiii!

alright, so i'm 15 years old. and last week i was kinda fingered..but like i was at a concert lying down getting with this guy and then he started going up my dress (yes, my dress. and everyboddy could see)so then i kinda stopped hooking up with him cause it was really akward if people were watching us. at the time, i wish i hadnt stopped him. but now i'm really glad i did cause even though i can say ive been to 2nd base, it was just embarrassing if people had seen me and if my cherry had popped, everyone wouldve known (eewww!!) but yeah, so i personally dont think your old enough to do that with your bf. because once you do that then youll just start wanting to go further. and i know my best friend was going out with this guy for a year, and they ending up having sex and she regrets that soo much now.

so stay safe and wait fo sex

love yaaa

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009):

im 13 as well and my boyfriend fingered me and can i point out to everybody saying wait till your 18 y? fair enough about sex but with fingering theres no chance of getting pregnant . i was my boyfriend first kiss n everything else so when he did it the first time he had no idea what to do and it really hurt but you've gotta tell him whatkinda htings you like what feels good etc( tho he prob be able to tell by your reaction) also it takes a few times to get it right well it did for me and my boyfriend, just relax it comes naturally and also (Armymedic) you normally give really good advice but not all lads are like that at all my boyfriend didnt tell anybody about it. and if your smart which im guessing you are you wont end up ahving sex if you want any more advice message me :)x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009):

ok ummmm i think ur too young...... honestly just wait.... teens might think its cool but it isnt.... wait until ur like 18 or something.... bez sometimes that may lead to some turning on and may end with his penis in u....:(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009):

Honey, I know you think you want this, but really you are far too young. In the UK, it is ILLEGAL to have sex under the age of 16.

This includes fingering, oral, penetration. ANY sexual contact between two people if one is underage. This is the LAW. If you did, it would be seen as sexual assult and rape, regardless of how much you "wanted" it. This is to protect you from life long regret and emotional damage.

I know you want to experiment, and feel that you are "ready" but emotionally you have no idea of what this will do to you. You say ou have no idea what this actually involves, so does this not make you think you shouldnt be doing it? This should be ringing warning bells in your head. If there are any doubts - never do it.

Also where will you go next once you have tried fingering? Blowjobs? Full sex? You are only 13! Dont be pressurised by this teenage boy.

If you both love each other as much as you say, then you will BOTH wait until you are 16.

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A male reader, wonderingallthetime United States +, writes (18 April 2009):

I was thinking and remembering every word armymedic wrote. So you say your ready for something you have no idea how to do or if you will like it? Your 13, I believe that. I dont think you are stupid. Do what you honestly and truly believe and not let what everyone else claims to know or has done. You know.

Armymedic is a pretty smart dog I think, and sometimes you can get a few steps ahead by listening to some people. You will find out later there will only be a few to listen to and its hard to figure out which ones. I know its a big deal to you, but it really sounds pretty stupid when you read it , but it is suppose to if your only 13.

Be a kid and have fun. And use your own brain. I betcha gotta good one.

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (18 April 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntIf you need to ask all the details on how to finger I think you are wrong in thinking that you are ready!

Wait until you know what make you feel good before letting a boy try, because by the sound of it he doesn't know what he's doing, and only wants to finger you to tell his mates (which will make you sound like a bit of a slut). Nothing to do with showing you how much he loves you.

He isn't going to know what he is doing and will hurt you because at 15 a boy thinks the way to pleasure a girl is to ram his fingers into her vagina as deep and hard as possible. (because little boys don't understand how young women work) At 15 all a boy wants to do is put part of his anatomy inside a girl and has no understanding as to why he's doing it, it's just cave man instinct.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009):

Your way too young to be doing this. Your boyfriend older than you, he should be looking for girls his own age to do this with. Your only 13!

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A female reader, Soph.p Spain +, writes (18 April 2009):

Sorry for the two answers, my friend wanted to answer too :)

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A female reader, Soph.p Spain +, writes (18 April 2009):

Hey

The first thing is to not be scared. If you are then he may not feel he can do it because he sounds like a genuine guy.

Fingering is literally using a finger instead of a penis to pleasure you. But it doesn't hurt. Unless he is doing the complete wrong thing. If you can see he isn't sure then assure him that he is doing alright. If you don't like how he is doing it, tell him. But if you do like it, then tell him. He needs your guidance as well as common sense so that he can be assured you are alright :)

Don't change the way you shave. If you are comfortable with what you do then don't change it because it may distract you while you are both being intimate and then you wont be focusing on what he is doing and he may think he is doing it wrong and ruin it for the both of you.

Last thing is to let the moment take you. If you feel it is getting to that point then move his hand so that he knows you are ready rather than him guessing when you are.

But if you want to talk a bit more then just message me :)

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A female reader, Soph.p Spain +, writes (18 April 2009):

I think you will find that the first time, especially with someone who doesnt know what he is doing, will not be as pleasant as people say.

When someone fingers you, they literally use their finger instead of having sex. Don't be scared about it, if you show that you are slightly nervous he may stop and say that you aren't ready and it definitely sounds like you are.

If you feel comfortable with the way your pubes are, dont change it because then that may distract you, thinking about him and if he is thinking about that. When he starts tell him if it is alright and assure him every now and again that you are alright. If you like what he is doing, tell him. If you don't and even if you are slightly embarassed just tell him and ask him to do it a different way.

It shouldn't hurt if he is doing it correctly. If it is then nothing will be wrong except for the way he is doing it so do not be worried.

If you want to talk about it further just message me :)

xxx

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