A
male
age
36-40,
*8Reality217
writes:If a guy is past a certain age and never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, should he just accept and deal with the fact he will never get a girlfriend? Because the older a guy gets and is inexperienced, the more of a turn-off it becomes to women, guys who are in their late 20's, 30's and beyond who are still a virgin, never had a girlfriend, should they just give up since no woman wants an inexperienced man?
View related questions:
get a girlfriend, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, H8Reality217 +, writes (21 September 2014):
H8Reality217 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI started seeking out a Dating Coach
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Does this questiona apply to you? If, "yes," then how are you alerting girls that you are an inexperienced virgin guy? Do you wear a button? .... or a custom-printed T-shirt?
Believe me, a little confidence - exuded in dealing with a lady - will go a long way to prevent the question of your experiences from ever arising.......
Good luck....
P.S. Do you need some of us Uncles to coach you through the details????
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 September 2014):
 Confidence is the single most important thing when attracting women. I should know - I am one and I happen to date them, also. Lol. And I'm not the most attractive person in the world. I'm certainly not ugly but I have dated women who are very, very attractive. And the way I got them? Confidence. That's it.
The way you carry yourself and the way you interact with others is the most important aspect in dating. Not to be confused with arrogance because that is NOT attractive. But a confident person who carries on conversation well and can make someone laugh will get the girl 99% of the time. Women aren't as evil and juegmental as you think. In fact, having dated both sexes in my life, I'd say men are drastically more judgmental than women. Women will date a man if he is good to her and has a good personality - looks aside. Men, however, tend to only want to date hot women. Personality doesn't matter nearly as much to men as to women (of course, this is a generalization, and doesn't apply to all men and woman). Ever wonder why you see a smokin hot girl with an average to unattractive guy way more often that you see a really hot man with an average to unattractive woman? It rarely ever happens that an attractive man will date an unattractive woman, regardless of if she has the most amazing personality in the world or not.
That being said, women are not nearly as judgmental as you think about these minor things, like experience. That can be learned. That's not important. But since personality is something women really do look for, and since personality really can't be changed, not being confident and having a good personality is an immediate turn off. Like I said, think about all the times you've ever seen a hot woman with a guy not nearly as attractive as her. He's got a good personality. You can count on that - confident and humorous.
I sincerely think if you change your perspective about this situation, and get a way more positive attitude, you will get so much better results. Think about it this way. What would you think of you if you met you for the first time? Would you find yourself warm and friendly and inviting? Or cold and angry and hard to get to know? Smile more. Joke and laugh more. Hold your head high more and have confidence in yourself. These things are all inviting to other people. They want to get to know you that way.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 September 2014):
 I believe you bitterness has the purpose of protecting you. You form formulas in the world and so you can predict the outcome better. If you are posting here that means you are still open to opinions. Someone who is obsessed with sex and the number or the lack of can't open up to love. Never believe in absolute statements. If you hear women who would never date virgins and then diss them without even get to know them, you can smell some bitterness in such women too. If you are worried about bedroom performance I could tell you based on my experience being virgins does not mean being a poor performer. I only care about the present moment, and so should good lovers. When you are with the right person you focus on the now, not who she has been or what she has done.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): My husband was a virgin in his mid-twenties when we met and I wasn't.He is hands down the best I've ever had. I had no problems AT ALL with his virginity. It wasn't good. It wasn't bad. It just was. It was just another thing about him, like having hair on his head. He didn't have a problem with me having dated other people.We're incredibly happy together.But here's the thing. With your bitterness and resentment and self pity, I wouldn't consider dating someone like you. My advice as a woman who has ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM with virgin men is to start being positive. Honestly, start looking on the bright side of life and investing your time in work and hobbies that fulfill you as a person and allow you social interaction. This way, you'll meet someone while in your element. Or you'll be introduced to someone from someone in your circles. That bounce in your step is what will give you a shot with her.
...............................
A
male
reader, H8Reality217 +, writes (14 September 2014):
H8Reality217 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell if what you are saying is really true llifton, as in a lot of women not minding at all if a guy is still a virgin or never been in a relationship before(even regardless of age?), just repeating that to myself over and over I feel could do wonders for me
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2014):
 To quote you:
"even one of the anonymous female users even said in an answer to one of my other questions that an inexperienced man is a turn off for women, she stating it not just from her point of view but that the vast majority of women are like that, she said it is a fact."
ONE anon female said it was fact, and because it fits with your own personal gospel it MUST be the truth, the whole truth so help you.
FACT is... IT's might be TRUE for her and she ASSUMES for a VAST majority. THAT doesn't MAKE it facts.
FACTS are though, a person's sexual experience is NOT what attracts other people initially. IT'S their personality, the vibe they give off, their curiosity, their friendliness, helpfulness, sense of humor, color of their eyes, you name it. VIRGINITY is 100% irrelevant for getting to know someone.
How do I know? Because I HAVE dated people. Have had relationships, friendships and LOADS of social interactions throughout my life.
You can BEND YOUR reality as you see fit. It won't change how the world works.
YOU want to date, have a GF, have sex - then you HAVE to put yourself OUT there, MET people, date girls - sitting and "mussing" over IMAGINARY problems won't help you.
Go back to therapy, DEAL with YOUR issues, insecurities, work on yourself, because until you are OVER all that hate and bitterness you are not going to MET a girl who wants YOU. NOT because you are a virgin, but because you have already decided that because of her ovaries she won't want you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aemita  +, writes (14 September 2014):
 Dear OP, allow me to burst your bubble. It's not about age.. it's not about whether you're a male of a female. It's about the attitude. You my sweet friend... have a bad attitude. Bitter to say the least. I thought you were seeking advice.. after all we're here to offer advice. All you do is contradict. It's not a debate, I hope you realize as much. We are not debating.. we are advising. You either take it or leave it. And to answer your question. NO... it doesn't get hopeless the older you get. That's rubbish. There's no such thing. In order to get a girlfriend, you need to socialize.. you need to meet new people. To connect with them. How on earth are you going to do that, if all you do is complain about your current state? You don't like it? You change it! You don't want to be alone? You go and meet people. You cannot honestly expect for your girlfriend to appear out of thin air. Or worse, to fall out of the sky. You have to work for it. You DO NOT have a flashing sign above your head that says "I'm a Virgin..I never had a Gf".... Highly doubtful anybody does have such a sign. Also, when you're looking for a relationship.. you're not looking just for sex (or are you?)You want to meet someone with whom you can spend your time, share your thoughts, be close to... and then the physical part comes in. So..... what's the deal really? Is it that hard for you to hold a conversation with someone? To get to know them? To ask them out on a date.. maybe two.. three.. and voila, before you know it... guess what???? You're having a relationship! Stop the pity-party. It's unattractive. You have a certain age. Now act like it.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 September 2014):
You're probably right. You will probably never get laid and have a gf. Why? Because of your terrible attitude and bitterness. All that pessimism and negativity is a humongous buzz kill - for women AND men alike. No one wants to be around a person who is constantly negative and bitter all the time. You are tour own worst enemy. And if you keep the attitude you currently have up, you will most certainly create a self-fulfilling prophesy and then use that as your "proof" you were right.
You think men are the only ones judged sexually?? Ha! Men constantly judge women on how many previous partners they've had. Hell, we have had tons of male posters on here be angry and not want to date girls who have had merely one previous partner before them. One dude even didn't want to date a girl because, despite being a virgin, she had gone down on a guy what he considered to be "too soon." Yet he'd ept with multiple other women. Women get shamed and dogged for being "whores" and "sluts" for sleeping with only a few men. Yet somehow men are the only ones who have to deal with being judged, sexually?
Most women I have EVER encountered would actually love a virgin guy. It would be a nice change for them. They certainly would NOT turn away from a relationship simply because he hadn't slept with another woman. If you're failing in the dating and love department, it's because you're doing something else wrong. I'd start with your bitterness. Sorry to say it so bluntly. But hey, you came here for advice. That's my two cents and I'm calling it like I see it. Yeah, you will most likely be alone if you don't change your attitude.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): I'm a girl in my mid-twenties and I've had an average number of boyfriends. I'm not turned off by guys without experience and/or who are virgins, as long as they possess other wonderful qualities. I am however, turned off by bitter men/virgins like you. I've seen your posts throughout this site and you've been blaming everyone/everything else other than yourself for the situation you're in. Those behaviors are extremely unattractive to both men and women.
What turns me (and most women) on is an honest man who is true to himself and others, who knows his qualities and shortcomings, and strives to better himself. This kind of man would also inspire me to be better for myself and for him.
Easy to understand, right?
...............................
A
male
reader, H8Reality217 +, writes (14 September 2014):
H8Reality217 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou make it sound like as if a man can be over 30, over 40, over 50 and never had a girlfriend and still a virgin, and he would still be able to attract a woman into his life, be able to get a girlfriend, even one of the anonymous female users even said in an answer to one of my other questions that an inexperienced man is a turn off for women, she stating it not just from her point of view but that the vast majority of women are like that, she said it is a fact.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (14 September 2014):
You don't have to forgive women who played around. I should also say it's not something to forgive because many people think that's what your youth is for, explore and to have fun. A stable life does not mean a life devoid of romance and passion. It seems you think you are not a suitable candidate for dating, so you are narrowing your scope too, which does not help. The answer for you is to find a person who values chastity, takes an active role too in the dating process. Most women won't have problems with virgins, only bitter ones although I understand why society would make them bitter. If you want to up your game it helps to be not bitter because it's not attractive. If a woman has a problem with inexperience, that's because men like you would get angry that you never get to play around and slut shame women who've had. Not the fact that they have to teach sexual skills in bed. There are male virgins who don't have this hatred and remain humble. People who are introverted, deep thinkers will probably not be popular in the dating market, but being bitter about the rules just make it worse.
If you want to find people who agree with you how it sucks to be a man, of course you will find these people. It won't make you any happier though.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 September 2014):
How do you know this for a fact?
You have so many preconceived notions about stuff you actually have NO experience with. And those notions and ideas RULE your life and I guess they suit you, because then YOU can blame everyone else for the state of your life, instead of finding out what YOU need to do, to GET the life you want.
...............................
A
male
reader, H8Reality217 +, writes (13 September 2014):
H8Reality217 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionya but its far more likely a woman will be turned off by a virgin man, a guy who's never had a girlfriend than the other way around, especially when the person is past a certain age, that's a fact
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 September 2014):
Not all women (or men) wants an "experienced" man (woman). Because sometimes "experience" means baggage, such as an ex-wife, kids, debt and drama.
So I don't think your chances are less the older you get, but.. I DO think it will be HARDER for YOU (or whomever ) to BEGIN dating the older the get. Because YOU get set in your ways and therefore are less flexible. And being inflexible is not a good trait when trying to date or find a mate.
A good friend of mine recently got divorced after 18 years and she decided that maybe dating would be "fun". She called me crying, saying she had no clue how to date or where to start. She is 46.
So it's NOT about your VIRGINAL status. It's the FACT that you NEED to get out there to GET experience. My friend is definitely NOT a virgin, she's has 4 "kids" in their 20's. She married the first guy she ever dated, so she really has no experience in dating. JUST like you.
UNLESS you PUT yourself out there, nothing will happen. A GF (or a BF) isn't standard issue for every guy (or girl) when he/she turns a certain age. Sitting at home worrying about the future and how HARD the future could be/ might be if XYZ happens or doesn't happen... it's THEORY and not at all helpful when it comes to living or the "human experience".
...............................
A
male
reader, H8Reality217 +, writes (13 September 2014):
H8Reality217 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy should I forgive women who dated and hooked up with bad boys? And if she is looking for a stable life, sounds like she only wants me for my money and resources
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 September 2014):
You can't accept a thing that is yet to happen in the future. You are not God so you can't predict that you are never going to get a girlfriend. You are making a hypothesis based on the assumption that no women want an inexperienced man. The women you are talking about here are the stereotypical ones that are demanding, have a great sense of entitlement and super picky. Can you say this is true for all women? If approaching a stranger is not your thing you can try online dating or international brides. You offer one of these women a kind heart and a safe place to live, in return she gives you the love you deserve also. How difficult is that? When there are women whose priority is a stable life and men who respect women, they couldn't care less whether his penis has never been inside a vagina. The fact that a penis is pure is not a turn off, but the mind set that you are afraid to get out there and make all excuses that stop you from doing so.
I would not say it's hopeless as you get older because the women also get older and they look past the need for bad boys and would settle for marriage and family. They look for substance, not just who has the most testosterone. You just have to be open minded to accept these women who may or may not have played around. It all depends on whether you are able to let go of your bitterness.
...............................
|
