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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been on and off with my boyfriend. We have known eachother for 8 years. The main reason of our breakups were because the trust was broken between us. My question is if the trust has been broken in a relationship is it possible to be able to trust again and make the relationship work or is it gone for good? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): When you really love it's incredable what you can forget.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): IN ONE WORD; NO
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Yes, I do believe trust can be restored. We should always leave room for human error because no one is perfect. Listen to the guilty party and trust your instinct and if you believe he/she is sincere then give him/her a second chance with consequences should they mess up again. Make it clear to this individual that you would not stand for dishonesty and set your rules in this area.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): My husband cheated on me several times, the times he cheated on me were when we were dating and then also in the earlier stages of my marriage. He never let on about any of his extra activities until he wanted to break up with me after being together for 16 yrs. He is a compulsive liar and I guess will always be but I love him and thats the only reason why I allowed the relationship to start again hoping it would be a fresh start but what I have seen, his wandering ways will never change and I can;t help being suspicious of every little thing because he never tells me the truth and hes always hiding his phone. Deep down I don't know how much more I can take but realisticly I know I am better off without him. The cheater needs to work hard to prove themselves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): I also had someone important to me break my trust, she spread all sorts of rumors about me, two-timed me for awhile, and then suddenly broke it off without telling me why; she'd decided to go with the other woman, while leaving her friends/my employers to break the news to me. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust her again, no matter how much I would like to; she was an important person in my life and it's been incredibly difficult for me to trust others in the wake of it. I have tried to think about if the situation can be at all mended, and honestly, I am not optimistic that it can. Even if I think I need her or miss her sometimes. Sometimes there's just a limit where you say, well, that was crap but now I'm trying to go on with my life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): broken trust leaves you very suspicious of every little thing, and as I said before there will be alot of test, like asking questions you already know the answers to and see what their answer will be!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): don't know, there will probably be alot of test. thats what im doing right now testing!!!
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A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (11 January 2006):
 Honestly? I think once trust has been broken, it's broken. It may grow back a bit, one may feel more comfortable with the one who broke the trust, but it will never be that virgin trust, that unsullied, untrammeled, unbroken trust.
This is not to say you can't rebuild a relationship after a breach of trust, just that it's difficult. And it becomes more difficult with each subsequent rendering.
If you've not been able to establish that bedrock of comfort in 8 years, and if the trust has been broken multiple times, and if you're so turned around about it--about someone you've been attached to for 8 long years--that you're posting about it on an anonymous advice site, I'd say "yes", that trust (and the relationship) is probably beyond repair.
Of course, you can continue to try, but before you do again, I'd get really clear on what your parameters are. 8 years can slip into 10, which slide into 20, and all of a sudden...
Well, do you really want to look back on a life of unfulfilling, half-trustful relationships?
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A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (11 January 2006):
 Yes, trust can be gotten back but it takes a lot of work and soul searching. It's also dependent on the forgivingness of the person who was wounded and the drgree of sincerity of the trust-breaker. Trust is foundation of all committed, loving relationships. Trust is earned. When trust is broken the trust-breaker has to work hard through their good, trustworthy actions to prove and to re-establish it again. And the person who was hurt, has to set boundries and levels of how they will trust. They do it in baby steps and sometimes it takes time and patience. First you trust to this point, then a bit more, and a bit more until, finally, you will trust completely. If the trust-breaker is consistent in always breaking the trust,
I would say..there comes a limit where one has to just drop them and move on. Some people never learn to be trustworthy.
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A
female
reader, msxcarlett +, writes (10 January 2006):
Im really funny when it comes to trust! If i cant trust a person i will just not speak to them!..i like people around me who i can trust,rely and depend upon and if someone cant do this for me then i wont associate with them!
In a relationship ( with me) same goes,once the trust has been broken (ESPECIALLY if you have given plenty of chances) its virtually gone. It would take that person a real long time to get back in my good books and they would haved to work really hard-and if thats the case whats the point?
If you do get back with him/or decide to trust him again, you will have to let go of the past-if not it will destroy whatever you try to make for the future, and your lack of trust for him will get in the way.
The main Q is... Can you see it within yourself to trust him again?
But this how I am
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A
female
reader, bennifyr +, writes (10 January 2006):
 Its sort of a hit or miss type thing. Its different for everyone. If youre both devoted to making this work cause you know its meant to be...then sure its gonna work out just fine. But if hes not into as much as you are...then sorry but its time to move on. Just find out if hes fully into partaking in helping fix this problem!
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