A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am struggling with my relationship of four years. I feel like I don't love my boyfriend anymore. He is 23 amd I am 20. The first two years I was im love with him and he was with me. But as I get older, I realize that I probably won't have a future with him because he is not very close with my family and I am not with his. When we visit each others' families, things get awkward and there are zero conversations. We still live with our parents because we are going to college. Moving out is an option after college but I don't know if I want to move in with him. A lot of times, the things he does annoys me. He has no job so he can't treat me out. I would have to pay for everything. He doesn't really swoon me. We have sex but I get turned off. He depends on his mom for almost everything and she has his younger siblings to worry about. I thought that depression could be the problem and I sought a therapist. After that, I knew it wasn't. My boyfriend is very afraid to be alone so he won't let me break up with him and he will just cry. What should I do? Maybe I am just overwhelmed because I started dating young but I don't know anymore. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (23 June 2016):
 You can't control how people react to things, and it's not your problem to fix; just think about it. How can YOU be the person that makes him get over you? You can't be. He will have to find his own way. If he's really as unstable as you say, he needs someone more than a girlfriend to help him out, he needs a professional. Good luck!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 June 2016):
 Yes, the relationship is dead and you're just not interested in him in that way any longer. Accept that he will cry. That's honestly, brutally, his problem. You can not be a helmet that prevents him from getting hurt. He will get hurt sooner or later, because you want out. And you will leave, sooner or later. So there's no preventing him crying over it. Let him cry. You're not leaving him to hurt him, you're leaving him so that you both can be happy, with someone else.
You already know this has come to it's end, all that is left is ripping off that band aid.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 June 2016):
 "my relationship of four years....He is 23 amd I am 20" - to be honest (no judgements, just an observation), you were a young, impressionable 16 year old being given attention by a 19 year old. It's possible the first year or so was more infatuation because an older guy made you his girlfriend."he is not very close with my family and I am not with his. When we visit each others' families, things get awkward and there are zero conversations" - this is fairly common and not really a great excuse to break up."Moving out is an option after college but I don't know if I want to move in with him" - this means you don't want to; if you wanted to, you'd know. This is a valid reason to break up."A lot of times, the things he does annoys me" - it happens, in relationships, but it shouldn't really be "a lot of times"."He has no job so he can't treat me out. I would have to pay for everything" - him not having a job is an issue, but not because he can't treat you. Why has he got no job? Does he not want one or is he looking?"He depends on his mom for almost everything" - that's not that unusual at 23, but he should still be working and contributing. Does he help her out much?"My boyfriend is very afraid to be alone so he won't let me break up with him and he will just cry" - he needs therapy. It's not your job to stay with him.What you do is break up with him and take a break from dating for 6 or so months. You haven't spent any time being single in your young adult years, so do that for a while :) Make new friends or hang out with your current ones, get a new/another hobby, go out (but be responsible) and just don't bother with guys for some time.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (22 June 2016):
This is what boyfriend and girlfriends are for...To find the right person to settle down with for life.
If you stay with someone you know you do not want to settle down with, how are you going to find the right one???
Breaking up is never easy...but truth is truth. Lying to yourself will only make it harder.
There are no rules that says you will stay with the first, second, or even third partner for life.
Take what you have learned, know what kind of man your are looking for, and move on.
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A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (22 June 2016):
 This is less a relationship and more a prison. Your right, it is over because for whatever reason you are at the end of your tether - you should end it now because if you dont this feeling will just fester and things will get worse. You say your boyfriend is scared but so are you. You say "Maybe I am just overwhelmed because I started dating young but I don't know anymore." The first thing you need to let do is let go of your fear of being alone because you can cover your fear with his all you like but you are most definately afraid and you wont move forward until you admit this to yourself. Yes he will cry, you may well do as well, but in time he will heal as will you. You will have to be strong. This wont be easy but this relationship is toxic for both you and your boyfriend so you must end it. Make a decision and stick to it. In the long run this is the best thing for you and him. Good luck.
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