A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm in need of some help,I have been with my boyfriend for the last 3 years, and i now feel like i'm stuck because if I leave him he has no one else. this is because he changed universitys (to the one im at)and has made no other friends. However i know that i don't love him how i used to anymore the reason for this being he can be very aggressive towards me, doesn't let me do anything else without making me feel bad,and he calls me names all the time, dont get me wrong there is times when he can be the most wonderful person in the world but these times are getting rarer now. i'm so confused as to what to do because i forgive very easily and i will feel sorry for him if he has no one.please help! i have no idea what i should do next :S thank you x
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female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (6 November 2009):
 The reason he has no one else could be because of the way he treats people, if the way he's treated you is any indication.
These terms are so often misused these days I'm loathe to use them here, but for lack of better ones...it is very common for the abused to try to protect the abuser. Very common. And as long as you're prepared to do that you'll be dancing in circles putting your own happiness on hold while you wrestle with anger and guilt over him.
I suspect if you leave him, he'll try to lure you back with promises that things will be better and if that fails, he'll try to appeal to your compassion by suffering some calamity (minor car accident, work related injury, family setback). They'll probably be legitimate, but they'll also be well timed for his purposes. This is one of the oldest scripts there is and I've seen it played out more than once myself. If you stick to your guns you'll see that he'll manage just fine and you worried for nothing.
What you're feeling for him now is probably not love, but pity.
For the first time since you've been with this man...do what you need to do for yourself. You've done what you could for him. He can handle the rest.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000  + ♥, writes (1 November 2009):
It doesn't sound like you want him to change, you just want him gone and I can't blame you. It's not your responsibility to keep him company and the fact that he has no one is his problem. He calls you names, is aggressive and makes you feel bad ; I gotta agree with q1605 that the guys is a douche. Perhaps he has no friends because he is a douche? Whatever the reason, it's not your problem. You are too young and have too much life ahead of you; don't get into the habit of accepting mistreatment and bad behavior because you feel sorry for someone. If you do, you'll spend the rest of your life surrounded by douches.
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A
male
reader, Trans Am Man +, writes (31 October 2009):
 just simply tell him that if he doesn't change then it's over. If he loves you at all he'll change his ways.
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A
female
reader, wiccanrain +, writes (31 October 2009):
 that was his choice to change universities. you can't blame yourself for your feelings changing. it's not fair to either of you to stay together if you don't have feelings for him. nore is the fact that he doesn't know anyone. he just has to introduce himself. about the name calling, that's not ok. even if all the other times he's a saint, it's those bad times that shows what a person really is...so my advice, end it and if you can stay friends then try if not well then both of you have learned something for next time
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A
male
reader, mohammad  +, writes (31 October 2009):
you can try to make him doing better and never hide anything can make u feel , believe in force inside u and u can change him and the men can change only by love and dont give up easy he loves u but he affraid to take his feelings out so learn him to take it out
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (31 October 2009):
 This guys a douche and you can't see it because you are surrounded by douche water. Kick his ass to the curb and don't look back.
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A
male
reader, tux + ♥, writes (31 October 2009):
 If you don't love him, then leave. Why should you care that he has noone else? He may have noone else because you are there for him.. Once you are gone, he can make his own choice to whether he wants to find someone else or live in loneliness.
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