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If he wants nothing to do with me why won't he just decline and block me on social media? Is he playing games leaving me hanging?

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Question - (28 June 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 14 February 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My question is about a guy who appears to be "leading me on". About 9 months ago we had a terrible falling out. We were supposed to be just friends but I found out he was in love with me. He was very distraught that I discovered how he truly felt about me (he was trying to hide it) and he abruptly cut of all contact and blocked me on social media. He wasn't prepared in me finding out and he was very embarrassed.

I wrote him emails and apologized, conveying that I would like to continue our friendship and that I too like him very much, to which he never responded.

About 4 days ago I tried to follow him on social media again and he has left my request "pending". It seems he is being passive aggressive in doing this, trying to make me squirm and vie for his attention.

If he doesn't want anything to do with me, why won't he just deny my request/block me? He's acting like a high school girl leaving my request pending like it doesn't matter to him at all. I don't want to sound as though I'm rationalizing, I'm just trying to figure out why he would leave me hanging on? Is he playing games or does he just not care?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (14 February 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Because blocking someone on social media / WhatsApp is an

" aggressive " action, generally motivated by the bad behaviour of the person being blocked, and / or by a severe distaste/displeasure of the blocker toward the blockee.

In your case, it is not like this. He just does not care enough to take action ( or, maybe he is making a point to show you that he does not care ).

If this state of things is making you so uncomfortable, though, why don't YOU take action and block him ? It would help you to let go and move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2017):

Why can't he block me on what's app if doesn't want to talk

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2014):

***I am the OP of this question***

Thank you for your answers and for being truthful. I suppose I pursued interacting with him again for silly reasons. Sometimes when you really miss someone, you just want to tell them. I miss him very much and I guess I couldn't bring myself to admit he doesn't feel the same.

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A male reader, Forge United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

Forge agony auntI believe you are reading this situation incorrectly. Very incorrectly.

Ok, "request pending."

He isn't toying with you. He probably hasn't checked/been able to check the request.

You are just way too clingy in this case. You want to be his friend, but he's done with you. Let it go.

He's not making you squirm for his attention. Sounds like he doesn't care really. If anything, you are squirming to get his attention. It's backwards.

He doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. You need to just break away from him, and go on with your life.

You still have a lot of life in front of you, and a lot of choices. As do I, and giving you these answers is how I choose to respond.

Move along. Find someone else in line, and go get somebody new. He wants nothing to do with you, and let that be that.


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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 June 2014):

Honeypie agony auntUm, easy version?

Leave him alone?

Block HIM, delete HIM and move on with your life. He doesn't WANT to be your friend and he is taking being put in the friend-zone by behaving like a 5 year old.

SO why are you so adamant about being "friends" ?

He is leaving it pending because he is trying to SHOW you how little he CARES. Withdraw the request, he can't BE a friend to you. ACCEPT it.

Just cut it out.You hurt his ego and he is embarrassed, but he can't ACT like a grown man so THE behavior you get is WHO he is.

Thank your lucky stars you didn't get involved with him.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (29 June 2014):

Aunty BimBim agony auntHe doesn't want your friendship, nor, it seems, does he want you following him on social media. Your assertion he "must be passive aggressive" is a bit of a joke really, because what label would you hang on somebody who tries to friend somebody who they know already has them blocked .... bloody minded?

He doesn't have to be your friend, he also doesn't have to manage his social media accounts according to your rules. Have you considered your request is hanging because you are not that important to him.

I don't understand why you don't simply withdraw your request, and accept he doesn't want to interact with you.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (29 June 2014):

janniepeg agony auntAll that drama for what? A guy can have feelings for whoever, but if he doesn't act on it then it's no use trying to figure him out. He has issues and prefers to let you do the chasing. That's being cowardly, but he doesn't want others to know that he is a coward though. The anger is to hide this weakness. His capacity for love is head games and texts in social media and nothing more than that because real life is just too scary. I think 9 months is such a waste of time on this guy.

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (29 June 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntI think you are over thinking this.

To be fair I think he made it clear he wanted nothing more to do with you. He either feels embarrassed that you found out how he felt, or he wants to go no contact to help him move on. Either way you need to honour that and leave him alone. If he wanted to rekindle the friendship he would have contacted you. Sorry but he is probably trying to move on and sort his head out.


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