A
male
age
30-35,
*gmitch
writes:Hi there,I met this guy about 6 months ago, we are really close friends, he has helped me through so much and I've been there for him whenever he needs help. But lately I've really fallin for him. I've told him my feelings and he's said to me that he wasn't looking for a relationship and that he didn't want to jepordise our friendship. I understood this and quickly moved on...well I thought I did.But since then I've been seeing him pulling other guys and even gone on a date with somebody, seemingly they both really fancy each other.I can't help but feel really heart broken. I really like him but and want to keep our friendship the same but I can't stand the sight of him pulling other guys or hearing him go on and on about this guy he's seeing.I've never been confident in sex and recently I started having sex with this guy to help me out, basically we agreed to be 'friends with benefits'. But the problem is this guy is my best mates ex. He said to me that he was really upset about this.I really don't know what to do, I tried to not speak to him for a while to try and get over him and then try and keep our friendship strong but I just can't do it. Plus I really want to keep this 'friends with benefits' going on because it's giving me support to get through this, but he started saying the other day how he wants to take it further.I just don't see him in that way and I'm terrified to hurt him.My confidents has been completely destroyed, I'm terrified that I'm going to lose 2 good friends because of this but I just can't help but ask whats wrong with me? If he doesn't want a relationship then why is he going on dates? I really like this guy but I just don't know what to do Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 When people say " I don't want a relationship " most of the times they mean " I don't want a relationship with you ".
Nobody goes out thinking : " OK, today I am gonna get myself a nice relationship " . They go out to meet people- and see what happens, and if they are particularly attracted by one of this people, if they particularly click,...then the relationship will just happen, it will unfold whether they were looking for one or not. So, I am sorry but I think.. he's just not that into you.
Your situation is specular to the one with your FWB. In this case, you are the one that's moderately interested, and he is the one who wants more.
What to do ?.. I'd say, be courageous. Courage is a big help in life- the courage to not get stuck into things that basically don't work, out of lazyness insecurity convenience or habit. The courage to break outdated mental schemes, and to trust you 'll find someone to be happy with- even if now he's nowhere in sight.
Leave your crush to his dates - and don't hurt your FWB, if you think the situation is becoming too unbalanced and he wants more than you can give, don't string him along, let him go. Remember ? " Don't do unto others...etc."
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