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If he didn't care about anything with me, why would he stop talking to me?

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Question - (31 March 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 6 April 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, *etrichorheart writes:

This one is complicated.

I've had a thing for one of my guy friends for almost three years. I admitted my feelings to him before heading out of town to visit family at Christmas. He said he was flattered but into someone else. I understood and didn't push it. Fast forward to New Year's Eve where he kisses me, comes onto me, sleeps with me. We start talking more and when we are around each other it's ridiculous. We have slept together since then and when I tried to figure out what was going on, he said it was just sex and his situation was complicated. Totally understood that and didn't press it further.

On my birthday (which I payed for an uber for him to attend these drunken festivities) he hangs out, gets drunk, then sort of says he will see me later that night (went home with friends). A mutual friend (one of his best friends) was being his normal flirty ridiculous self and asks for anyone to kiss him. Jokingly, I kiss him (an elongated peck). Those who saw this said the guy (Mr. Complicated) rolled his eyes, looked put off, got in the car and left with the friends. He hasn't spoken to me since. Literally checks my messages and ignores them. I would assume he's mad at me.

My question- do you think he's mad? Would he have the right to be?

If he didn't care about anything with me, why would he stop talking to me? I've been pissed the last week after this happened. Help :/

View related questions: best friend, christmas, drunk, flirt

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (6 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe is not a friend and you deserve better people in your life. He knew you had feelings for him so he took the perfect opportunity to seduce you to get some free sex. That's all it was to him sex. No feelings. Basically he was just using you. Now you need to have more confidence with yourself and don't allow men to use your body. He rolled his eyes because he saw you as his toy and nobody else's so don't try and read that he has feelings for you because it is clear he doesn't. My guess is that he is not speaking to you now because he doesn't want to share your sexual experience with anyone else. Be kind to yourself and don't let this man back in to your life.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (31 March 2017):

N91 agony auntThis guy was using you for sex, he is NOT a good person. He knows you like him and used it to his advantage for an easy lay.

Wouldnt waste my time worrying if he's mad, I'd be more focused on dropping him from my life.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntMaybe he was looking for a way to end it with you where HE didn't look like the bad guy.

WHY you think YOU did something wrong is a little beyond me. The guy (Mr. Complicated) USED you. He USED the fact that you had feelings for him to get sex, affection, and attention.

Mr. Complicated had ABSOLUTELY no "right" to be pissed off after all HE didn't want you for anything serious. So a peck on another guy's cheek is enough for him to throw a fit and give you the silent treatment? Seriously OP STOP wasting your time on Mr. Complicated - BLOCK him, delete his number, remove him from social media and LET that crush go. You have WASTED 3 years on a guy who DOES NOT want you.

While I get it MIGHT have been flattering that he wanted SEX with you, it DIDN'T meant ANYTHING to him. You really were just a convenient "duck buddy".

My advice? Don't DATE the guys in your circle of friends. And if you WANT more than being a "duck buddy" then DON'T accept any less.

The whole " it's complicated" is the LAMEST excuse in the book for someone to tell you its' OK to USE you. No, it's not OK.

And for you to think that IF you "play" along and LET him use you, he will eventually see what a GREAT girl you are and THEN want to date you... IT'S naive and unrealistic.

STOP giving this guy SO much attention. He is a toxic asshat.

And if you feel like it, go watch some videos by Matthew Hussey on YouTube - he gives such great advice seen from the guy's point of view.

Start with this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxuE6IOCKIA&t=92s

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