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If a guy doesn't call or text his girlfriend everyday, does that mean he doesn't love her?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 October 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 17 November 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Is it necc. for me to call my girlfriend everyday just to prove that I love her deeply? I don't like talking on the phone much...I will text, but I don't want to feel obligated to call or text her or anyone else. Why do people put all these rules on love and what a person should and should not do to prove they love a person? I am not cheating on her, I just don't see her often because, she lives far, I don't think there is anything to talk about everyday nor text about everyday. The love I have for her is real, but she can't seem to understand this because she is listening to her friends, and reading these relationship books that tell her that if a guy isn't calling or texting everyday that somehow the love isn't there or I must not be that "into" her. What works for one person may not work for the other and if she keeps pressuring me to call and text her however many times a week she wants me too, I will obligated and it will not be a pleasure for me to do it. How come people can't just let the relationship or dating exp. progress at it's own speed? Why the rush? Why all the rules? I do love her, I am being faithful to her, I just don't see anything wrong with going days without texting or talking to her. She always tells me how her ex boyfriend called and texted everyday, several times a day, but the guy never loved or cared about her.........

View related questions: her ex, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010):

I was so happy to stumble across this question. I am just starting to date someone and was paranoid that he wasn't as interested as he said because he wasn't calling/texting me everyday. I realize how insecure I am being! I mean, he told me he really liked me and liked spending time with me, and I doubt it because he hasn't called one day. I know he isn't after sex (hasn't tried anything past kissing) so he has no reason to lie about being interested, right? It is good to know that guys can be interested and just not feel the need to contact everyday. For me, once I am in a committed relationship I am a lot less insecure and in need of a daily contact. It is only in the beginning stages when I'm unsure of what the guy thinks, that it really makes me insecure.

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A male reader, Nithyanala Indonesia +, writes (23 October 2010):

Nithyanala agony auntSome people are more clingy than others. It's not necessarily a thing to break up over but you can gently let her know that it's not always possible for you to be in touch with her. Still, a daily text would be a good idea.

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A female reader, iloveblue Canada +, writes (23 October 2010):

iloveblue agony auntReally it depends on your girlfriends experience why she wants you to contact her on a daily basis. To be honest I used to be like you, I don't mind getting at least a short call from my bf every other day. But then when he cheated, the infrequency of the calls/text made me realize what opportunity I gave him to sneak behind my back without me noticing at all. What I mean is, maybe your gf had an experience that is making her insecure now?

Also, it depends on your personality why your gf wants you to contact her more frequently. If you are with her, can you get your hands off your phone? Maybe she has observed you when you're together that you keep calling or texting your friends and your phone is constantly ringing. If that's the case, she will think...why do you have the luxury or the effort to call others and for her you can't do the same.

If everything above is not applicable to you then just talk to her and explain to her it's just not your personality. But also remember, you are in a relationship and relationships has its sacrifices also. Expect a little of your freedom has to be given up for your partner if so, why else would you commit to your gf if you can't commit to contact her daily. That is just how relationships really are, they say communication is one key to a successful relationship.

If your gf can't even accept a once a day call/text and would want an hourly basis of which you can't handle, then maybe you are just not compatible as JMTMJ said. So there's no point being in a relationship with her as you don't agree in the same thing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

I like when my bf calls me and text me daily...it does not mean if you not call you are not in love but some girls are insecure and wants their bf to call them daily.if you don't like to talk on phone..send her text messages or call her twice in a week..for me communication with my bf is important.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

Okay honestly...First off, i am a girlfriend. I think itd be really stoopd if ANY girl got upset or something over her lovie not calling or texting. There really is no point, just because you as a guy dont text back or call idfk...every hour? doesnt mean you dont love your girl. You could be busy or just want to relax or something.

Yes, i can say i have be upset becuase my call wasnt answered BUT its not contant thing. If any girl wants to bitch just cause her lovie isnt constantly calling or texting, she clings far too much to a guy or feels she has to have you every damn minute. Dude if i had to, id blow my brains out.

I have an LDR but i KNOW he's mine and he's a good love so i trust he's alright. Every now n then we wont talk for a few hours but it doesnt i or him doesnt love each other.

I think you need to set this straight with her.

Xoxo Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

I am the type of person who can go several days without contacting someone, but that doesn't mean I don't love them or that I am not thinking about them. I love my gf and I think about her everyday, sometimes all day, I just don't want to feel obligated to text or call her everyday, every other day, several times a day....to me, that is not proof that a person loves you. I know people who talk and see each other everyday, yet they are cheating and lying. I wish my gf would stop basing love on how many times I call or text her. Her ex didn't love her...he didn't even care about her, yet he called and texted and saw her everyday. I would think that she would have learned from that exp. I am not going to try to live up to some standard of love that she has in her mind....

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (22 October 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntI think I'd blow my brains out if I had to msg and call my gf every single day just to "reassure" her I love her... Stand up for what you want, (she already has), then come to a compromise. If you can't then maybe you're just not that compatible..?

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A female reader, charliesdevil73 United States +, writes (22 October 2010):

charliesdevil73 agony auntCompromise and communication is the key! Some women prefer to talk to their men everyday whereas some prefer once or twice a week. Maybe she wants a call or text everyday because she is insecure about something in your relationship. You said her ex that called/text everyday never loved or cared about her and maybe she knew it after they broke up. Or, maybe she found out in a hard way, i.e. cheating. I would ask her why she wants you to call her or text her everyday. Then go from there. Hopefully, she will see your point of view on it and be willing to compromise...and you need to compromise then too. You seem like a caring man, you wrote for advice, and I hope she sees that in you.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (22 October 2010):

Aunty BimBim agony auntPrint off your question and post it to her. I don't believe daily contact is required to show love, in any relationship!

Before you print off your question, highlight this bit:

"She always tells me how her ex boyfriend called and texted everyday, several times a day, but the guy never loved or cared about her........."

and she might get the message.

Good luck with it!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

I don't see a problem with going a couple of days without contact. A week is probably too long though. You two need to talk about this though. You are not her ex; so why try to emulate him? She wants every day, you want every few days. Try to meet in the middle. Maybe a phone call every other day. A nightly text telling her sweet dreams would help also.

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