A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for over 2 1/2 years. I love him and that I could possibly have a life with him. But over this past year those feelings haven't been as strong and I've thought about leaving him at times. I have now found out that someone I work with and have been attracted to for about 5 months likes me as well. So I hung out with him the other day and I feel like I really like him and that things would be so much more fun and easier with him. But I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to make the wrong decision. Please help!
View related questions:
at work, I work with Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): This is a case of the grass is greener. This is how cheating starts. You first start seeing all that's lacking in what you have, finding fault in your current partner, and what is so much better about being with someone else.
Then you rationalize and try to make it seem innocent. Well, my relationship isn't cracked up to what it used to be, or should be. You're technically cheating without the sex. Which is usually the next move. Lusting in your heart. It doesn't mean anything, "we're just friends." Horny as hell for each other.
Well, there is the sensible option to end one relationship first. Making sure your feelings and attraction are not just "below the belt." Sounds like you want to dibble and dabble; then still have the security of having someone waiting. Just in-case all it is, is an itch to scratch.
Once you know your hooks are in, then you'll let the other go. That's not how it works. Your tactics will sour and comeback pretty toxic in the end. All you're basically trying to rationalize is having some "fun" on the side.
So don't try to clean it up with claiming you love and see a future with your boyfriend. Then contradict yourself only the very next line by saying: "But over this past year those feelings haven't been as strong and I've thought about leaving him at times."
Hows about leaving him, and then having some "fun?"
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 September 2014):
 Ok, you know what you are doing is wrong on so many levels.
How would you feel if your BF wanted a little "fun" with a co-worker he had a crush on? Bet you wouldn't like that ONE BIT.
You think life would be easier and more fun with co-worker, because it's still a "fantasy", you two don't go through day-to-day life together. No dirty socks, no dishes, chores and dealing with everyday life.
My guess is you feel your relationship has gotten a bit stale. The LAST thing you need to do is COMPLICATE it with adding another man, I mean REALLY... how is THAT going to make thing easier? How is you flirting and whatnot with another man NOT going to hurt your BF?
TALK to your BF, maybe he is not happy with the relationship either. And then decide what you want to do. WORK on the relationship? OR End it?
Take a step back from the co-worker romance thing. Imagine how bad it can get dating someone at work, if it DOESN'T work out? AWKWARD!!
If you start dating "new guy" you two will undoubtedly have some trust issues, after all you were MORE than willing to start some kind of emotional affair while DATING someone. So maybe 2-3 years down the road you will notice another co-worker and do it again.
OR this "new guy" will realize that it was a FUN FANTASY with you, but he doesn't want to be with you.
To put it CRUDELY...
SHIT or get off the pot. YOU can't HAVE your cake and EAT it too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): If you no longer love your bf then be fair with him and tell you want some space.
Then analyze the situation. If after some time off and you dont miss him at all and feel stronger for the other guy.
Then you need to make a decision.
Choose the one you really want to be with. You cant have both....
...............................
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (14 September 2014):
 You cant have it both ways. You cant keep a steady boyfriend and consider a future with him while enjoying "fun" with someone else behind his back. You either split from your boyfriend completely and then enjoy the freedom of enjoying yourself with this other guy or new people, or you stay with your partner and move on from the new guy.
You say that things would be more fun and easier with this new guy because at the present moment its nothing more than you and him flirting, having a laugh and enjoying each others company. Its relaxed and easy. Yet you will likely find that if you get involved further (either by cheating on your boyfriend or after splitting from him officially) that the complications will start....
You work with this guy. If you develop feelings for him but he sleeps with you and then moves on to others you have to work with him knowing you were his plaything and that others probably know the score. Awkward. He may also boast around the office that he got you into bed. He may well be all charm and nice now but its pretty clear he want something from you. He knows you have a boyfriend? If so he should be staying away not encouraging you. You don't want a reputation nor do you want to loose a long term boyfriend over a quick fling with a co-worker.
Even if all goes well with the new guy, theres a strong chance this will be a rebound relationship based more on him offering something you were lacking from your existing boyfriend rather than any genuine feelings. That's hardly a great basis to start from. If the two of you didn't work out then you still have to work together. Again it would be awkward.
You need to decide what you want and how you feel regarding your existing relationship. On one hand you say you love him and could possibly have a life with him, on the other you say your feelings have altered and you have considered leaving him. Now you are thinking of fun with someone else. In no way is your existing relationship healthy enough to even consider long term commitments. If you do it would be out of habit and because it seems easier than splitting up. Yet it would be silly to throw away a quarter of a decade together for a bit of an easy life elsewhere IF you and your current partner could work things out.
You need to decide why you are considering leaving and if its something that can be solved. If it is not then leave your boyfriend and have some time to get your head together, do not get involved with a guy at work who may (or may not) be relaxed, fun and easy because in the long term it will make it even harder to deal with.
Mark
...............................
|
