A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've liked this guy I used to work with for 3 years, we worked in different departments so didn't see each other all the time. I've since left my job a few months ago and still can't get him off my mind. He's always been nice to me etc and we do get along really well but never in constant contact. We did go on a night out 2 years ago with friends and ended up kissing/cuddling that night (nothing else happened). Obviously I was happy but nothing was ever mentioned again. I've been out with a couple of guys since but didn't have that connection and he has been single as long as I know him. He's a hard worker and genuinely one of the nicest guys I know but I know he can be shy at times like myself. I've been told by friends that they think he likes me too with how he talks about me etc and how he leaves kisses at the ends of messages but still won't make a move. I'm afraid to say anything to him because I fear rejection, especially from someone I've known so long, I'll just feel like a laughing stock but I can't not say anything because of the whole 'what if he actually does like me back but in the same situation'. Friends did say they would find out but havn't over the past few years. I would love if we went out but I'm so scared to say anything especially now that I havn't seen or spoke to him since I left my job, what do I do? [Mod note: title written by OP was "How do I tell him I like him after so long?" but alas was used by another question already.]
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2015): Feelings for someone should be based on something that you receive in return from that person. Otherwise; what you feel is nothing more than a crush or infatuation. You kissed and cuddled; and the guy took no initiative from that point to see where it would go. Makes you tilt your head, and wonder. What's up with that?
Then you also have to wonder. He's a great guy, so why is he still single? Well, the only way to find out; is to seek your answers. You may be crushing on a jerk. He's nice to everybody at work. He likes to kiss, so what?
Bust a move, girlfriend! What you may think you see may all be an illusion born out of your fantasies. You had a few drinks, kissed, and built your whole love story around that. That just ain't cutting it for me, sister! I gotta know what's up?
You're sitting on a crush, avoiding rejection like a scary little schoolgirl. Instead of being a woman; and actually contacting the guy to see how he has been doing? Maybe you can get together for coffee and catch up on things.
Like... seriously, girlfriend?!!
I say go for it! So what if you get rejected? He's one guy! A teardrop in an ocean of available men! Rejection might sting a little bit; but nothing ventured nothing gained! If you ask me, I think loneliness feels worse than rejection.
Rejection comes after a failed attempt. Loneliness comes from self-defeat, and unsubstantiated fears.
You're asking for advice. Just what do you plan do to with it? I don't pull any punches, I get straight to the point. I'm on your side and cheering for you! Make it happen! At least try!
We'll, be here to catch you if you fail! Don't worry!
At least you'll know if there was ever any romantic inclination on his side of the issue, that he couldn't get out to you in the past. Maybe he has grown out of a situation that was holding him back.
This is where I hand you the tough-love, sweetie.
I really have no time to put-up with shyness in adults. To me it is a handicap, and sign of immaturity. Especially when it comes to making romantic-connections. Waiting for others to make the first-move, is like two cats in a cat-fight; humping their backs, howling, and hissing in a circle. Neither making the the first strike. Just a lot a noise. It gets annoying! Neither wants to get bitten or scratched! You almost beg for one to slap the sh*t out of the other, and just get it over with! That's two rejection-phobic adults; circling, howling in silence; and waiting for the other to strike.
You like fantasizing on the possibilities; but you're unwilling to take a chance that just might payoff in reality. Rejection is just a little burn that goes away. It only leaves scars on people who are mentally-ill. Not on average everyday people who have the guts to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and try again when another great opportunity comes their way. Sometimes you have to shoot a few arrows and miss; before you hit the target. With practice, you hit a bulls-eye! Same goes for dating, my dear! Otherwise, get over this unrequited-love thing. It drains your energy, and keeps you in suspended-animation. While every other opportunity passes you by.
Somebody's got to make a move. Here's some motivation for you. He's going to meet some other hot and sexy lady; who IS going to have the nerve to go for it. She is going to shutoff all his other options, and he'll become hers for the keeping. She is going to wrap him in her charms, and will mark him for territory. Your window of opportunity will be closed.
She will see all the potential and good qualities that you see, and she's going to take the risk. You'll still be on the outside looking in; only jealous, heart-broken; and frustrated. Choking on tears and your shouldah, couldah, would-haves!!!
Take a deep breath. Relax. Practice it in the bathroom mirror a few times. Then call, not text, call; and ask if he'd like to have a coffee and catch up on what's going on. The answer will be yes or no; or "I'm seeing someone right now."
Rejoice if it's yes, get-over-it if it's the other two.
That's life in the big city, and in the world of dating-adults. I promise I'll be here to catch you if you fall, sweetheart! Somewhere along the line, you've had to reject people, or will have to. It comes with the territory. It's only fair you get to feel what you dish out.
He may not be all he's cracked up to be. Like I said; "nothing ventured, nothing gained"...nothing lost!
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