A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Hey I know this isn't really a relationship question at all but it can sorta relate... cause racism happens in EVERY SITATUATION including ones with BFS and GFs around... HaaOk so like I'm a 17 year old asian chick right and I've always had to deal with a lot of racism. I'm completely sick to my head and stomach and everywhere of it! It's particularly bad I reckon because mostly with the racism I'd had to deal with, the people dealing out the racist comments don't even realise it or think they're being racist- they just said it as more of a throwaway, offhand comment/question to sort of boost their self esteems or because they felt like they had to sort of push me down/degrade me for some reason or even because they were trying to make conversation. So like when ignorant naive people make these dumb comments, I dont wanna get all angry swearing and telling them to f off cause that's just a bit out of order... and also dont really wanna insult them back unrelated to the racist comment cause that just seems weak- but what I'm looking for are some cool, smart, witty comments that I can say calmly back without having to use up too much energy and get all fired all about- but still standing up for myself!Examples of racist comments:"Haha knew you'd get a excellence for that you overachieving asian. Probably Ace all your maths tests toon right?""Haha yeah better watch out guys she'll karate chop you.""Oh the shop keeper probably didnt question you because she thought you were like a innocent good little asian girl. She'd questioned me cause I'm white and probably look more like I could steal something. Haha.""Aw come ... I thought asians are supposed to be submissive"(and stupid questions...)"Do you use chopsticks?""Do you know karate?""Have you ever eaten dog?"(and then just plain rude racist comments made by people near by if as I'm not even there)"yeah I dont wanna live there cause there are too many asians there.""haha look at all those stupid asian tourists over there""Haha (and then the straight up racist comments)"Open your eyes you stupid chink" "Haha look its a slit eyed asian""She'd be hot if she had boobs. But she's just a flat chested asian. haha."Please give some advice and suggestions! All will be greatly appreciated! Except telling me to ignore it- because when someone is racist to someone, I don't think they deserve to go on untouched if you know what I mean. I mean you can say- aw just ignore them and they will stop- but that's not true most times. You say they're looking for a reaction- but if they dont get stood up to- they're probbaly just gonna keep with the insults or unknowing racist behaviour and if they DO get stood up to- theyll remember and get shamed and be more likely to stop. Also, I cant stand it when someone makes a general racist comment- to any race- and everyone sort of laughs awkwardly just to fit in though it wasnt funny at all or everyone just ignores it and the dumb racist person continues like that. I feel they deserve to be put in their place.So yeah advice please :D
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male
reader, tux  + ♥, writes (27 October 2009):
 {quote}How is being called "a flat-chested slit-eyed bitch" not racist??? (Especially as I'm certainly not flat-chested or slit-eyed...) And why am I even trying to reason with you?{/quote}
That is merely a mean statement with racist overtones, not necessarily purely racist.. exchange chink for bitch then it become a purely racist statement. And I did say that was a mean statement to begin with.
But you originally stated that I was telling you to laugh off that sort of statement.. which was not even mentioned in my original post. You simply are over-reacting to a lot of those things you mentions.. not all of them.. the chink comments... and such I don't believe you should tolerate, but there is not much anything you can do besides just telling them they are being racist, but then I doubt they would listen..
There's really not much you can do besides ignoring some people but then you don't want to hear that, so I guess that is off the table...
but I still think you need to stop over-reacting to the "Do you use Chopsticks question..."
If you don't think I have not experienced worse, than you have not had to live with tourette's syndrome where I constantly get poked at about or asked "why does your head twitch like that questions...... and of course it doesn't help when people ask "what's wrong with your arm?" when they see my fistula from when I was on Dialysis.. somethings in life you just need to move on from otherwise if you call out everyone on everything, you become the wacko and an outcast because you end up hating everyone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey yall just a quick note to say how intensely grateful I am for all your comments (even the ones opposing me) and though I'm just super busy with life so I dont have the time to feedback and all atm- I WILL be coming back here and answering more in like a week or something! Hopefully haa yeah but thanks guys and you all have nice days :)
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (26 October 2009):
 I stand corrected. I went back again and other than Tux most that thought those comments were non-racist posted anonymously. People have the courage of their convictions when they can hide behind sheets with eye holes cut in them. Isn't your avatar enough anonymity for you? We're not going to come to your house and burn a cross out in your lily white yard. But it is tempting.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia + ♥, writes (26 October 2009):
 I've got to pity our OP here. Perhaps lots of people think that the little things that offend me, hurt me and feel racist to me are things that if I spoke up about, people would say I'm overreacting and that they're just saying what's observable and obvious. But it gets real old, real fast. And laughing about it and brushing it off starts to build up and hurt more and more. And why should someone laugh about or brush off something that hurts them and makes them feel looked at as a Race and not a Person?
Every day I wake up and wish I could look like everyone else. I love my skin, but I hate that sometimes it's all people see. I wish to God I could be "normal", so that everyone didn't look at me like I'm a foreign object on display and ask stupid things and say stupider things that make me feel like I'm just a token Black person (and of course, nobody remembers that I'm half white... unless they want to make jokes like, "Hey, do you ever feel like one half of you is enslaving the other half? Hahaha...", or "Hey, your Mom must have had jungle fever, right?? Hahaha..."), like I'm sure that the OP feels like. Yes, people may just be curious, but curiosity can be hurtful. And while they're questions may be innocent, to the person, they feel much, much worse.
Once you go through a lifetime of feeling hurt, observed, and like your race truly defines people's perception of you, it gets old and all you want to do is FREAK OUT at the next person who is giving you a ride somewhere and changes the radio station to the hip hop channel, because of assumptions they're making. Maybe little things seem okay to you, but for her, they're a big deal and that's not something to suggest she brush off.
So suggesting she learn to laugh it off, brush it off, is easy to say, but much harder to do when these things really hurt you and make you feel like shit.
(Sorry, I'm a tiny bit bitter about this subject...)
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (26 October 2009):
I have a bad habit of reading answers before questions. Answers from favorite aunts before answers and questions at large. And about any other convoluted way you can use to dissect a question and answer scheme on a thread.
I found this thread by looking on Tisha's page. Just to see what she's been up to. For some reason I started about half way down. I went down to the bottom and worked my way back up. Being raised in east Texas, which is still about as racist as you can find a place, I saw people saying that what you had an issue with, and what you said was racist, was a bit of a stretch.
I have vague and distant memories of whites only drinking fountains at the county seat of where I live in Texas. The signs were down by then, but my grand parents would not allow me to drink at certain fountains. I never quite got it. If it was explained to me why I couldn't drink at a certain fountain, it must have made no sense, because I don't remember what it is they told me.
So I figured that the poster was suffering from compassion flu. It's what I call some of the people on here that only want to hear what they want to hear. If they ask a question, they word it just so, and attack anyone that gives an answer that deviates away from what they want to hear the slightest bit.
That said, I don't see how any one can call those comments non-racist. If people are that stupid and narrow minded in this day and age, I would think they would keep it to themselves. (Not the posters, the people out there) This is a topic for discussion and you should be allowed to express the way you feel, regardless of the political correctness of your view. The redeeming quality in most of the posts I am speaking about now, is that they didn't post anonymously. I don't agree with them. It's wrong on many levels. But if you have the balls to get on here and voice your opinion in an unabashed way. You should get a hell of a lot of more respect than what a person gets who voices that kind of opinion and hides behind the skirts of anonymity.
Just for the record, I am white as snow. I went to Germany once and all I heard was whispers of auslanders. That's outsiders. Doesn't make it right, and it doesn't clue me in to what it must be like on a grand scale, but some people will always be looking at a way to take a shot.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 + ♥, writes (26 October 2009):
 I have been thinking about your question some more and came up with a tack you could take. It requires you to sigh dramatically, look professorial and very mature. Person says something offensive/racist/inappropriate, like the first ones in your original question. (NOT the truly racist comments.) You: no smile, no frown, just a bit of confusion. "I'm sorry, I don't understand. What do you mean?" and then keep playing dumb until the person has to explain the 'joke' or comment to the point that it dawns on him or her that it is actually an idiotic thing to have said. So you're not being mean, you are asking a series of simple questions designed to make the person realize his or her own insensitivity."Haha knew you'd get a excellence for that you overachieving asian. Probably Ace all your maths tests toon right?" "I'm sorry, I don't quite understand. Do you think that being Asian means something about maths? What d you mean?""Haha yeah better watch out guys she'll karate chop you." "Is that meant to be a joke? I don't understand. Why do you think I would know karate?"If they try to laugh it off and say, "oh, you know why" you say "no, actually, I really don't know. Could you please explain it to me?" Keep pressing them until they get it."Oh the shop keeper probably didnt question you because she thought you were like a innocent good little asian girl. She'd questioned me cause I'm white and probably look more like I could steal something. Haha." "I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that. Is there something about asians and whites that I should understand?""Aw come ... I thought asians are supposed to be submissive" "Submissive? Why would you think asians are supposed to be submissive? I don't understand; could you explain it to me?"You get the idea.
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female
reader, Accountable  + ♥, writes (25 October 2009):
I find it funny that the author of a post that basically complains that stereotyping is a terrible thing (which it is), is now making assumptions about tux to insult him based on his (fairly sensible) advice that people should learn not to take things so seriously and laugh at themselves.
Obviously real racism is nothing to be laughed at, but really, "do you eat with chopsticks" is in NO way comparable to what some people face. Some people are murdered for their ethnicity. As for the harsher (and more genuinely racist) comments, clearly you shouldnt have to be put up with being made to feel like a smaller person because of your race, and nobody deserves that kind of degradation. All I can suggest is that if its a few select people doing it to you (some more information about the context of comments made to you might be useful?) you stand up to them, and make it clear that you're not willing to take any of their crap anymore. Keep in mind that its possible that they don't really understand that you're as affected as you are by it (as some people can be a bit dense about reading other peoples reactions), so you could try going about that in a more gentle way, but I can understand how a bottled up resentment towards them could prevent that! On a broader spectrum, racism is unfortunately something that exists, and you really shouldnt have to put up with it; if its any consellation it is something that everyone deals with to some extent, whether its about race or some other personality thing. I suppose that should mean everyone would want to put an end to it, and the idealist in me hopes that we get there soon! In the meantime, short and snappy comebacks to these ignorant assholes should at least make you feel a little better, and hopefully make them think a bit.. good luck, i hope things improve for you :) xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): you know at the end of the day dear life is what you make of it. what will those bullies end up as? nothing. you on the other hand will make something out of yourself. take care.
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female
reader, katyayni  + ♥, writes (25 October 2009):
 Good for you!!
Hey, I had to put up with some Racist bullshit myself yesterday! And I feel you, totally. So, I have put up an Article in the "Article" section, and I'd like you and everybody else here to just put their views.
Let's talk about this one!
Thank You Anonymous Original poster.
So, I will wait for your reply/comments
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to 'A male reader, tux +, writes (25 October 2009)'
How is being called "a flat-chested slit-eyed bitch" not racist??? (Especially as I'm certainly not flat-chested or slit-eyed...) And why am I even trying to reason with you?
Ok, I'll allow myself to be offended by you just one last time (but JUST ONE LAST TIME!)
Dude, I asked for advice on how to stand up for myself. Are you giving me that? Not really... Cept the laughing off thing which, obviously, I can't use all the time for every single one of those comments and situations, can I?
Ooh I'll try it now then... Hahaha! Good one 'tux'! Love the way you don't take into considerate my feelings or point of view on how I get offended by these stereotypes at all and strive on attempting to point out all the errors in my perception of racism and people's intentions behind them! Dahaha you crack me up you funny guy you!
But seriously, I suggest you spend your time eating some nutri-grain or some more productive activity like that.
Have a nice day now. :)
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male
reader, tux + ♥, writes (25 October 2009):
In response to the original poster in response to me..
{quote}
"I noticed that while you took the time to point out how most of my said racist comments weren’t really racist, the only advice you really gave me was to laugh it off. So are you suggesting that when someone tells me I’m a flat-chested slit-eyed bitch I should just laugh with them?
How about this? ... You try being stereotyped as nerdy, submissive, good, innocent, slit-eyed, flat-chested, flat-assed, overachieving, no social life, wimpy, weak etc. and then maybe I’ll feel a little nicer towards you and your suggestions of laughing it all off. Or maybe I won’t."
{/quote}
The problem is as it is written a lot of those are not racist, however, if given more context to a lot of situations I can see how they can be racist, but on a whole the majority of those would be used in a non-racist context.. of course your example being called "a flat-chested slit-eyed bitch" isn't really much racist or funny but is merely a mean statement. as far as your stereotypes..
Not bad to be and I don't see much of a reason to be worried about these:
Nerdy(though a lot of people make it to be bad, but it's not), good, innocent, overachieving
Bad:
slit-eyed, flat-chested, flat-assed, no social life, wimpy, weak, submissive
and by no means did I say to laugh everything off, just the small things.. I'm not saying to laugh off the "chink" "slit-eyed" flat-chested comments... just the smalls ones like karate and the questions about if you use chopsticks... and if you are going to go around in life nitpicking what may be racist to you, it's just going to drive you crazy..
Btw I really think this would have been a better Forum topic.. I'm just saying.
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female
reader, katyayni + ♥, writes (25 October 2009):
Hi
You know something, I love the way you found the time thank and respond to each one of us. That is something special. Seems like you are a thoughtful sensitive and a 'thinking' person. So, if I were you I would be pretty damned proud. And, no it is so not okay when people criticize someone with similar features in front of you and thinks that that is okay! Give them a good piece of your mind. And, yes, I too loved the advice posted by TasteofIndia. Truly something, no!
You know, you have enough advices on this page to prepare to take on an army of racists. All I am going to tell you is that practice the fine art of witty (highly intelligent) repartees. The wittier and the quicker your comeback , the sooner the racists fool will shut up.. since I think that they crack such comments to induce a laugh and think that they are being so damned funny!
Look in the mirror, gather articles and just have these replies ready....
Give them a taste of their own medicine.
Lots of Love
(and do keep us posted on how it went!)
Love :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIN RESPONSE TO "A female reader, Tisha-1 + ?, writes (25 October 2009)"
Much appreciation for your time and advice! Your comment was so good to me it made me cry! Haha! :)
I'm unbelievably happy you understand about the 'damage is cumulative' factor. :)
I always feel so helpless and upset and angry when people tell me Im overreacting or something and I get confused as to why I'm so angry/upset and I just feel like a big freak but then I also know that theyre being unfair to me and then logically- for the one comment- I am 'overreacting'- but it's about the bigger picture- the whole generalising thing- and how it all adds up- which is what gets to me and creates all that anger/sadness/hurt. Dahaha.
Thank you for the advice on what to say. I'll definitely use it. I find it really hard trying to get that across to people- that I'm not calling them racist and I can see that they might not have meant it offensively but it was still offensive to me... and I don't feel I'm overreacting and need to be able to take a joke or anything. It sure is hard! But it gets easier with every time I make the effort to have my say. In some situations it's even fun standing up for myself- and I feel completely elated afterwards and just cant stop smiling and find others even smile at me and congratulate me for standing up for myself like this one time on the bus.
Thank you for everything. You're an awesome person and everyone in your life is lucky to have you there! Have a sweet day :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIN RESPONSE TO "A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009):
no offense, but those to me dont seem too racist, whoever said those is in serious need of new calls. to you, just ignore them, try to stop interacting with those people who are racist to you."
Your comment made me laugh (bitterly though). You said the comments didnt seem too racist though some of them were just terrible yet you say no offence (I am offended BTW). Then you say whoever said those is in serious need of new calls.
Then you tell me to try not interact with those people. Haah- dont you think I would if I had the choice?? Sadly, its people that drive past in their cars and yell out sh*t at me, or people that mutter stuff as they walk past, or people that make loud rude comments on public buses.
I supposed I could try confining myself to my own house- but I would still get texts from people making all these sorts of insulting comments.
Racism, to me, is everywhere.
But anyway thanks for the advice. I'll def. not hang round the people making those comments if I can help it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question'A female reader, vamp-gal +, writes (24 October 2009)'
THANK YOU! its so refreshing to hear someone as awesome as you! thank you thank you thank you! Oh and btw Im the anon who answered your post on racism haha ;)
'A female reader, TalkingHelps +, writes (24 October 2009)' Thanks :)
'A female reader, Starlights + ?, writes (24 October 2009)'
Thank you ver much! Especially for the 'i agree with you' part. I dont seem to get much of that these days concerning racism haha. It was nice reading your comment thanks. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIN RESPONSE TO 'A female reader, HonningKanin +, writes (24 October 2009)'
Thanks! I really liked that story of yours- was truly inspiring and I know what its like 'being the better person' after the fight and making the effort to continue acting civil and how great that works for you
About the ignoring and simply accepting their comments- Im not sure I completely agree with you there. I do see where youre coming from though and Im learning hard when its a good time to allow myself to get offended and when not to.
sometimes I'll allow myself a slight retort- as in a sarcastic agreeing but with an edge so they know theyre
However- when people tell me stuff like I'm a 'pretty asian' not an 'ugly asian' because 'I'm the kind that looks more white'- I know I just cannot let that kind of comment pass by without my opinion.
yeah i must say I find it really hard to not let the comments get to me sometimes and i dont really know what to do about that.
Thanks for the help! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIN RESPONSE TO 'A female reader, trial and retribution +, writes (24 October 2009)'
Hah! Your comment made me laugh out loud (maybe im just a weirdo) i liked it and agree! Thanks :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIN RESPONSE TO 'A female reader, DrPsych + ?, writes (24 October 2009)'
Hey thanks for the advice. Yeah I agree about needing to point out to certain people that theyre just not being cool- as well as keeping my own cool.
that seems to be pretty true about the self-hate thing. I'd found that most of the time the people making the racist comments all seem to do it to sort of 'push me/other Asians and people down' in order to push their own self esteems up. It really makes me feel quite sorry for them when i see that theyve resorted to insulting other peoples races to make themselves feel better about something.
Its really angers me when people do this though sometimes- like my friend whos generally a wider person than av- making comments about how at least she has boobs- unlike Asian chicks. which is completely unfair of course I even sheesh I even know heaps of fat Asians around.
Yeah haha anyway thanks! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Haha I'm wondering if I should be taking my time responding to all these comments because I have no idea how many of you will even come on here again to see my responses. But I'll do them anyway since I appreciate your posts so much. :)
IN REPONSE TO "A female reader, katyayni + ?, writes (24 October 2009)"
Yeah thats a good idea- brushing up on knowledge of my culture so I can correct them if I need to and have that backing if I want to make any putting-them-in-their-place comments- so I'm not just seen as a angry person but a angry, correct person standing up for something.
Mhmm, I have been learning to laugh about things AS WELL as adding my 2cents that the commenst were generalising so I get to keep myself happy and cool as well as getting a point across.
Thanks heaps have a good day! :)
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female
reader, Tisha-1 + ♥, writes (25 October 2009):
The thing that most people don't realize in situations like this is that the damage is cumulative. A few comments here, a few comments there, after a while, you are oversensitized, and with good reason. Years of this can really knock the stuffing out of you.
So I like the Miss Manners approach. An icy stare at the offending party. Then you have to determine if they are unconsciously racist or consciously racist and offensive. Unconsciously racist: "That kind of comment really hurts me. I don't know if you realize how often I hear racist and stereotypical comments like that." I think if you express how your feelings are hurt, well, that's a very powerful response. And if they say they were just joking, you can respond, "That kind of remark is not a joke to me." Maybe you'll be lucky and they'll realize what ignorant boors they're being and will think twice before saying things like that again.
To the real racist: well, frankly, they don't deserve any response. They're just ignorant people who you will not be able to change. And I doubt that you're going to want to be as offensive as they are. Those people, just sadly shake your head and walk away. They don't deserve the dignity of a response.
So I agree with you. You shouldn't have to laugh it off, you shouldn't have to take it. Figure out when you can actually educate someone, and if you encounter a true racist, walk away. If you can get someone to understand the human cost of such stupid comments, you'll be doing yourself and all of us a favor.
You're not going to be able to get this across to everyone. Consider yourself a winner if you get to one in 20. Focus on that little victory. Build on those.
May I apologize on behalf of all the unconsciously offensive and ignorant people? The consciously offensive I want nothing to do with either.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIN REPONSE TO 'A female reader, TasteofIndia + ?, writes (24 October 2009)'
Can I just say thank you thank you intensely for your awesome advice and taking your time to comment! :)
YES! Omg ahh- the 'no offense' line at the end of saying something which just completely bashed my culture and race.
Once, one of my best mates said (talking about a friend), 'Oh yeah that Kate. She's so annoying and her slanted eyes are so ugly! No offense cause you're asian too- but yeah- you don't even look that Asian anyway. You have big eyes for an Asian. Your eyes look white.'
I was just like... WTF??? DAnd I was really at a complete loss of what to say! But yeah Ive starting standing up more for myself and letting them know what theyre saying's jst not on like you said- and its been working wonders for me. And i've been coming up with some good lines to come back to certain annyoing comments that always come up and its great fun using them haha and seeing their surprised/shock faces after being stood up to.
Thanks again! Have a sweet day :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIN RESPONSE TO ‘A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009)’
Excuse me? You say you don’t find most of the comment I posted as racist very racist at all? Let me ask you something... are you asian? If you weren’t- how could you possibly feel you have the right to determine whether or not these comment are truly racist?
You think people in general get too worked-up about this topic? The topic of racism?
Well you know I don’t really know what to say to that except you have extremely offended and upset me and angered me right there with that stupid, stupid, ignorant comment.
And next- you have the nerve to tell me about racism- about the inferior and the superior.
You think the Asians=good at maths is ‘nothing more than an assumption’ Try to understand where all my negativeness to your advice is coming from. You know nothing about the situations in which I’ll usually get these comments and the ways people will mean them.
True- it can be taken as a compliment... but in most cases the comments were not intended as compliments one little bit. Let me tell you this- I completely suck at maths and hate the topic. Yet, I get people assuming I’m ace at it all the time and I’m probably the right nerdy overachieving Asian. Am I flattered by these assumptions of people? Not really, I’d have to say...
As for you telling me to broaden my mind and see that these people weren’t trying to offend me, I’ll tell you something. I used to have a pretty closed mind- so I let these ignorant people make those degrading generalising comments which I hated and laughed them off. But now I’ve opened my mind a little more- the ones I find funny and don’t feel uncomfortable about- I know they mean me no harm so I don’t get offended. But when the situation s happens when the person making the comment says it in a degrading way and are smirking- and I just feel wronged- although maybe the person didn’t realise they were offending me- I’m not going to just sit back and let them continue. Maybe other Asians won’t mind the comments so much and that’s them. But me- I shoudn’t have to put up with these comments and I know I have a right to tell people when I’m offended by their dumb generalising comments they make and stand up for myself. And that’s what I’m going to do.
So sorry if you still don’t understand- or if you don’t even take the time to read my feedback to your feedback. But thanks for taking the time to give the advice at the end of your comment. Appreciate that :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks for all your answers it was unbelievable coming back on here and seeing them all It really made my day! :)Firstly, in response to the peoples comments I have to say I did not appreciate so much...IN RESPONSE TO “A male reader, tux +, writes (24 October 2009)”I can clearly see where you are coming from but I must say when some people seem to believe I should take on a light-hearted/shouldn’t be taking offense/only hurting yourself attitude to these not-so-offensive comments it really upsets and angers me.Maybe you’re right- it isn’t strictly ‘racist’ to call someone an overachieving Asian- and bring maths into the equation. But it is definitely a stereotype that I completely loathe- more and more whenever someone brings it up. Also, perhaps it isn’t completely racist to make jokes about karate and ask about karate. But, try it see it from my point of view- to you these may be curious little things or funny little jokes. But to me- they really won’t be. At first, it will be simply be tiresome. Then I will start to get really ticked off. You see, maybe they did not mean to offend me by making these throw-away comments, but the comments were still offending to me. I feel it was still unfair to make those generalisations and jokes especially with that ignorance that came with them. If the person really knew me and made the jokes I wouldn’t mind so much and laugh. But it pisses me off pretty bad because most of the time the people who say these things- say them more because they don’t have anything else better to say- they kind of fall back to the cliché comments- degrading me and I definitely don’t appreciate them. The submissive thing is something that really gets to me as well. You see, it isn’t just a simple comment that doesn’t mean anything- it comes with all kinds of offensive connotations which I don’t want to go into...You really don’t understand what it’s like to be constantly stereotyped and generalised and categorized like that- I honestly can’t stand it it’s terrible. Yes, most of the time I do laugh them off- but anger boils up inside and they all leave me resentful and hating and then I’m thinking- you know what? That wasn’t even funny at all just a dumb stereotyping comment and why shouldn’t I stand up to it? Why should I just sit back and let them bash my culture and dignity to boost their sad self esteems up or whateverI noticed that while you took the time to point out how most of my said racist comments weren’t really racist, the only advice you really gave me was to laugh it off. So are you suggesting that when someone tells me I’m a flat-chested slit-eyed bitch I should just laugh with them? How about this? ... You try being stereotyped as nerdy, submissive, good, innocent, slit-eyed, flat-chested, flat-assed, overachieving, no social life, wimpy, weak etc. and then maybe I’ll feel a little nicer towards you and your suggestions of laughing it all off. Or maybe I won’t.
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reader, tux + ♥, writes (24 October 2009):
"Haha knew you'd get a excellence for that you overachieving asian. Probably Ace all your maths tests toon right?"
it's racist to call someone smart and overachieving? I guess it's based on a racial stereotype, but i have trouble seeing a compliment as being offensive.
"Haha yeah better watch out guys she'll karate chop you."
Sometimes we all need to laugh and chuckle these small ones..
"Oh the shop keeper probably didnt question you because she thought you were like a innocent good little asian girl. She'd questioned me cause I'm white and probably look more like I could steal something. Haha."
small and petty and more of a compliment
"Aw come ... I thought asians are supposed to be submissive"
Now this is more of a misconception that ends up being racist.. Of course, some are submissive but others aren't.. just as you will find in any race.
(and stupid questions...)
"Do you use chopsticks?"
Innocent question of curiosity.. I don't see how you think this is racist.. it's more of an annoying question you get asked a lot.. it's like asking an italian if they like lasagna...
"Do you know karate?"
Same as above..
"Have you ever eaten dog?"
what's wrong with eating dog? not every culture sees dogs as pets.... but well..
(and then just plain rude racist comments made by people near by if as I'm not even there)
"yeah I dont wanna live there cause there are too many asians there."
"haha look at all those stupid asian tourists over there"
this statement is more anti-tourist than racists... it's pointing out a group of stupid tourists that happen to be asian..
"Haha
(and then the straight up racist comments)
"Open your eyes you stupid chink"
definitely racist..
"Haha look its a slit eyed asian"
racist
"She'd be hot if she had boobs. But she's just a flat chested asian. haha."
use of stereotypical racial feature that ends up being racist..
But i think you are grasping at straws on a few.. but some of those are racist, but some of them are small and we just need to learn to laugh with them... if we cannot laugh at ourselves, what can we laugh at?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): I have to say that I don't find most of the comments you posted very racist at all. Granted, the last few were not very nice but the first bunch would just fall under racist if that's how you choose to interpret them.I think people in general get much to worked-up about this whole topic. The word racism basically means to believe that all members of a race posses abilities and characteristics specific to their race. The negative intonation of the word comes from people using these characteristics to distinguish between 'superior' and 'inferior' races. When you look at it more closely you will find that racism almost always builds on stereotypes, stereotypes in turn derives from oversimplified averaging. An average, as I'm sure you already knows, seldom applies to a lot of specific people but it gives you a broad understanding of the population as a whole. So the sentence "Haha knew you'd get a excellence for that you overachieving asian. Probably Ace all your maths tests toon right?" is nothing more than an assumption based on a stereotype of the Asian population. Why you would choose to think of it as racism I don't know as it would seem rather flattering that this person thinks Asians as a rule are smart. I think the only way to help you with this is to encourage you to broaden your mind a little - most likely these people have no intention of hurting you and the only reason you feel bad about it is because you choose to interpret it in this way. Every culture has their own stereotypes and they can differ greatly across countries. So my advice is to stop worrying about these comments, you're only hurting yourself if the there were no insults intended. However, with comments such as the last few you posted the best course of action would probably be to either retaliate with a suitable offensive comeback or, as is far more likely, make sure you get away from these people as soon as possible. If they truly are racist then you don't want to hang around as there is always the off hand chance that they'll be violent too... get away and call the authorities.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): Not all of those comments are racist.
Ones like "Open your eyes you stupid chink" and "yeah I dont wanna live there cause there are too many asians there."
Certainly are. But a lot of it is probably just thoughtlessness rather then the person actually being a real racist. There is a big difference between being a racist and making a racist comment. Almost everybody has made a racist comment somewhere in their life, those who say they haven't are liars. But being an actual racist, most people aren't, because actually disliking a race is something most people actually don't have enough energy to focus on. What with needing to provide for a family, and keeping a roof over your head, too many things on peoples minds to be racist.
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reader, TasteofIndia + ♥, writes (24 October 2009):
Oh, sweetness... I feel you. I'm half black and half white, and if I hear "Oreo" one more time... and let's not forget my catchphrase, "you're the whitest black person I've ever met!!" (just because I don't speak in ebonics or pump up the Missy Elliot in my ride). People can be shallow and stupid, but really as I've discovered - they're just ignorant and have no idea that they're being horribly rude. They think that if they tag "No offense" to the beginning of something, it won't be offensive... (do you know how many times I've heard, "no offense, but I really don't like black people... so it's really cool that you're my friend." Umm, yeah, that's TOTALLY offensive.)
The reality is, they won't know that you're getting angry unless you speak up. You need to say, "you know, I don't think you know that you're pissing me off, so I'll just let you know that that sort of stuff isn't cool with me. At all." - chances are, they'll feel really bad and apologize. And as for the ones saying outrageously racist stuff, those people aren't friends and you shouldn't hang out with them at ALL. And for that, call them out as racists. Say, "thanks, but I don't need racist friends. Peace."
One of my favorite things when older people say racist things to me is: "you are way too old to be this ignorant".
"She'd be hot if she had boobs. But she's just a flat chested asian. haha." Go for something like, "you'd be hot if you weren't a racist. But, you're just an ignorant asshole. Haha."
People can be dumb. And for the really racist people, call them out not only to their face, but to authority figures who can do something about it and give them a crappy consequence for their stupidity.
Good luck, sweetness!!!
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reader, katyayni + ♥, writes (24 October 2009):
HiWow, seems like a lot of people have so few knowledge about Asians etc. Well, if these are some crazy passers-by then there is little you can do, but ignore. We have a saying for such ignoramous clouts in our country and it goes like this, "dogs keep barking and people keep walking past them". You get my drift, right? However, if this is coming to you from a bunch of people you know, then why not inform them like in a very arch manner about your culture. Well, when you wrote Asian, I don't really know which country you are from, since Asia includes a lot from China to India, Bhutan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Maldives, japan, north korea, thialand, taiwan...and south korea. You get my drift, right?Well, and of course, you have to inform the authorities if it gets too much. Fight stupidity with knowledge and when they tell you that of course you are good at maths, you can tell them that of course they are all great athletics or that they are great croc hunters etc. You get my drift right? Brush up on your knowledge of your nation so, when they utter comments, you an totally have a witty repartee ready. And, yeah, develop a sense of humor, this will serve you very well for many many years to come! At the end of the day, it is how you conduct yourself that will be the determining difference between you and them. Hope it helped. And, don't hesitate to inform the authorities. Hey, I have told you how I would deal with the situation,had I been in your shoes, and I know that humor doesn't always help, and ignoring doesn't help it either. So, really, all the above advices are great, and use them as per the situation demands it.Lots of Love :)
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reader, DrPsych + ♥, writes (24 October 2009):
 Racism is about how you subjectively interpret the comments of other people and you have a right to be offended. I cannot say if the people abusing you are aware of the impact they have but if this is happening at specific places like a place of study or a workplace then you should find out what the rules are for dealing with harassment and discrimination in those organisations. Rather than trying to remember one-liners to answer back, you should try to find other ways of dealing with the situation - report to the police if it is a few individuals who target you, report to an organisation etc. You maybe doing the people involved a huge favour - they may not appreciate how disgusting their conduct is until someone in authority points it out. Remember that people who bully others for whatever reason are deeply inadequate on a personal-level and they lash out at those who are different or perceived as superior to make themselves feel better. If they weren't saying nasty things to you then it would be some other target for their self-hatred.
Good luck and keep smiling!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): ignore the bastards they deserve a clobbering. you are worth far more than all of them put together dear. and most of all be proud of who you are they are probably just jealous as they lead petty lives.
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reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (24 October 2009):
 For the first batch of off hand comments if I allow them to bother me, they will.
I have found being Latin and in the UK I would get really derogatory off hand comments about being American and what not, which was hard to adapt to when I was young. Especially from the girls. It was like they felt threatened by someone who was new and exotic and needed to feel like they were better. In time I learned that accepting the comments with a grain of salt was pretty much the best way to go. I found that if I gave them inflamatory remarks back it was fuel on the fire.
Example
I used to get "You're not as dumb as most Americans," and I would pretty much just say "Thank, but I thought if you were cultured enough you would have known that." The fact that I had retorted like this ment that I felt threatened and insulted, which was their goal and they know it. So they would then just turn up the heat. Its just another form of bullying and the most obvious way to try and bug you is your ethnicity.
However if I were to sorta acknowledge their stereotype and dismiss it I found they would give up. Same example again "You're not as dumb as most Americans," my retort "I sure am," said with a smile. They would realise their backhanded compliment had no effect and they couldn't bully me. I would say take their comments and run with it. Take their back handed complimentary stereotypes and just use it to your advantage. They are the narrow minded insecure ones. Not you. Don't let them bother you.
When it came down to downright racist comments from strangers on the street however. I called the police. I can tell you I had one person fired from their job and a few people shitting in their pants. It is anti social behavior and shouldn't be tolerated from people who dont know you. There is only one time I have ever gotten into an arguement with a class mate was around and I was around your age.
She was not just giving me those offhand comments, but she was down right racist and threatened by me and my populatrity in class. One day I was working and happen to accidently toss something that landed on her desk. She used this as an opportunity to try it on with me and as I kept saying I was sorry and that it was an accident, she started to get angry, raise her voice and hurled racist abuse at me. I admit I snapped and yelled at her to fucking wise up and grow up. That because I had accidently hit her desk gave her no right to hurl racist remarks at me and if it was that big of a deal to her than she was a childish simpleton with a low self esteem. That this was her way of getting her ego boost and I was not going to let her have it, but I was going to let her have my wrath. I said I had apologised, it was an accident and if she couldn't see that and if that was not enough than she had bigger issues than her desk being hit.
No one had ever heard me scream before or talk in the way I did and she sank in her seat. She didn't expect me to defend myself like that. Yes I was in the wrong for being reckless, but that really gave her no right to be abusive. The whole class was shocked, but they saw she was in the wrong and she pretty much knew it. The next morning I came into class and I had a choice to either let the event sour my mood when around her or not even try to care. I chose not to care and decided to act civil around her, nice and friendly. That was her pratfall. When ever we were assigned around eachother, people saw her acting like an ackward and spoilt brat with issues where they saw me atleast trying to get along. This actually led to her not getting on with anyone in the class and she left the course. Do I feel bad? No. Not really. It was her actions. Not mine.
so save your energy for when it really matters and ignore simple offhand comments.
HonningKanin
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reader, vamp-gal + ♥, writes (24 October 2009):
 I completely agree, racism has gotten way out of hand. It's discgusting! What gives people the right to degrade other people in that way? It has to stop.They only real way I can think of is by putting them in their place and telling them it's not cool or anything to be making sick jokes about such serious stuff. You can't really do much because you don't want to sink to their level. However, anything you do will probably make some sort of difference - whatever you do, don't add fuel to the fire. Racism is a delicat issue which can go both ways. However, these people do need to be stopped.This is the 21st Century for goodness sake! People need to grow up and get a life if this is their only way of amusement.Show them that you're not going to stand for it any longer and put them in the place that they should have been put long ago.Sorry if this hasn't helped much but good luck with everything =) xx
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reader, TalkingHelps +, writes (24 October 2009):
 JUst keep saying 'is it cos im black?' and make humourous comments!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): ignore those people they are immature bastards who deserve a clobbering. plain and simple you are worth more than them. you are far better than them, and they are probably jealous or something is wrong in thier own petty lives.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOhhk, as the original poster of the question, I completely DID NOT post my question as..."I need some racist comments for comebacks!"Correction: I would like some advice on how to stand up to racist comments.Yeah... Weird how they got that one mixed up... O.oPlease correct it! :)
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reader, Starlights + ♥, writes (24 October 2009):
 I agree with you. Rascist comments are hard to deal with and your very brave for tackling it so wisely.If anyone makes such comments to you again, tell them to simply: GROW UP. You dont have to try and protect yourself in any other way. Remember its them with the immaturity, insecurity, fear factor issues not you. I feel bad your in such a situation but if it gets overbearing then you may want to report it as harrassment to those in authority (police, teachers) because its not acceptable behavior and a form of harrassment.Goodluck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): no offense, but those to me dont seem too racist, whoever said those is in serious need of new calls. to you, just ignore them, try to stop interacting with those people who are racist to you.
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