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I work with her. Should I act as if I do not know that she blocked me on FB? Or do I confront her?

Tagged as: Social Media, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 March 2017) 16 Answers - (Newest, 6 March 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My friend at work blocked me on fb...

I think it's pathetic, so do I confront her or not? (I'm thinking that I wouldn't really like to give her the satisfaction of knowing it's annoyed me...versus the making her squirm/lie about it...!!) ??

How do I act about it? What if I say nothing...like I "hadn't realised????

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017):

Thanks Goo, Slippers, WiseowLe, Celtic Tiger & Youcannotbeserious for your constructive advice. To the others i'm not sure what age has to do with being hurt/annoyed about it?! & if I am childish then so is this person as they are a lot older than me!! Yes its her right to do it, but its also my right to admit i'm a bit hurt by it! When I said confront her, I didn't mean like a screaming loone in front of a room of people!!! I meant a quiet word! I am more than capable of being professional at work too. Goo I too am a very up front person, but I think they will expect a reaction from me so I may disappoint them till i'm ready! We have had a rocky patch a couple of years ago but even then we never blocked each other lol, but we were in a good place now... or so I thought! All my current and ex colleagues are in my acquaintance list to keep work and home separate and I don't know why she couldn't just do that but never mind hey! X

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017):

Yeah I am the anon female who posted before, and I still disagree with the others and I think you should confront her. Confront doesn't mean "get in a fight" (which some people here seem to think it means). It means raise the issue and see what is going on. To me that is the most adult and mature thing to do out there.

As you said in your update, she actually blocked you, so she is either incredibly petty, jealous OR has some issue with something you did or a perceived slight.

If this were me I would want to ask her about the reason. Why is it wrong to get it all on the table?

I would say, "I noticed you unfriended me on facebook, and while I would never let that affect our work relationship, I was just wondering if there was something I did that upset you? I hope that isn't the case?"

That makes you the bigger person and puts the ball in her court to explain. I think it will be clear if she is just being petty or if maybe there is some issue she has hidden from you. Maybe it can open the dialogue. If she IS just being petty at least you will gain some insight from her reaction.

But that's just me and obviously I like to get things out in the open and a lot of people prefer to throw a blanket over it and are annoyed by types like us who like to address things head on.

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A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (6 March 2017):

I think wise owl says it all .. your above all this sweetie . Some people are just idiots so leave them be . Why waste your time with any of it .

She a coworker .. go into work cheery like you haven't noticed as that will really get her goat believe .. give her big smiles and say hi etc just don't let it worry you any .. you haven't done anything wrong ..

I don't think your being immature though .. I think everyone would detest being shunned for nothing so don't worry over it though . .. you be your genuine friendly fantstastic self and hell mend her .

Chin up sweetie

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (5 March 2017):

Dude, you haven't been young enough to get worked up about shit like this for 30 years. I get it coming from a 10-year-old, (though even then it would annoy me) but you, you should really know better.

Confront her all you want. All that will do is announce to everyone within hearing range that you're a creepy control freak and then you'll lose facebook 'friends' like a plane with complete engine failure loses altitude.

Get a grip man. If you can't, get some counseling to stabilize your emotional wellbeing, because this right here is not normal.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (5 March 2017):

Don't get petty over Facebook. It's really a childish move to confront someone over something so small. It indicates she isn't interested in the events in your life, so why be interested in hers?

It's no big deal, she didn't kick you off the planet. If her intention was to create some kind of rift or insult you. Who really gives a hoot? Her friendship is of no real value if she's got some problem and can't be adult enough to say so.

Seriously?!! Why should you care?

Rise above it and move on. She's just a coworker, and apparently not a friend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017):

Ok I posted this late after being out with friends for drinks so maybe I didn't word it as good as I should have!Lol. We are friends outside of work too. We have mutual friends inside and outside of work!I regularly give lifts to this person to work too. I'm not going to say anything to them but my feelings are a bit hurt about it. I think it will be awkward though because she will know that I know...! Thanks for your opinions though x

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2017):

celtic_tiger agony auntSeriously, its just facebook.

Facebook is not reality, it is a place where all the fabricated dreams and ideals of people can be shown off, and where you can pretend to be anything you want. Most of the content is posted as a way to show off, get one up on friends, or to pretend that your life is far more exciting than it really is.

There are far more important things in life than worrying about who has blocked you on facebook.

Personally, I got rid of mine two years ago, and it was the best decision I ever made!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017):

This is my experience from her viewpoint. I had all my ex colleagues on facebook, however one day it got back to my manager that I had posted a status about having a "shit day" (which by the way wasn't even about work). My manager pulled me up about it. My manager wasn't my friend on fb so I can only assume one of my colleagues told her about my status. I decided to Unfriend ALL my colleagues which obviously caused these childish women to lash out at me when they do not even realise that they didn't even talk to me on there, they purely had me on their facebook to nose on my life. They deserved to be deleted as they had no part in my social life.

Some people block people for various reasons but why are you so bothered? You act exactly like my old colleagues who by the way ended up bullying me for Unfriending them.

Your 41-50 years old, you need to act your age.

Maybe she has just de-activated facebook.... I deactivated mine and no one can find my name when they search for me

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (5 March 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIn your shoes I would pretend I had not even noticed. How often do you frequent Facebook? Is it that important that she has blocked you?

Has your friendship outside of work suddenly ended? Did something happen? Some people react petulantly to problems and delete/block people to show their displeasure. It is a very juvenile way of acting. However, just because SHE is acting this way does not mean YOU have to. Rise above it and don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she has got to you.

In any case, whatever you decide to do should not affect your work relationship. Stay polite and professional towards her; it is, after all, what you are paid for.

These things often blow over and she may send you a friend request at some future date. In your shoes, when/if this happens, I would act surprised and say "I thought we were already friends on Facebook?" and see if she offers any explanation.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYou said you WERE real friends, so something happened?

Maybe that is why she blocked you?

Some people like to play games, but the thing is... if you DO NOT play along their little games fail...

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (5 March 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI'm sure she had her reasons for blocking you on facebook, and regardless if you or I find her reasons silly or juvenile or, like her, justified, those are her reasons and she has every right to them.

You, on the other hand, list your age as between 41 and 50, and you being torn between "making her squirm" or letting your annoyance over this be known really makes you look a bit pathetic ...

So while you are at work being paid, presumably, so make your work your priority and push what other people are or are not doing on their facebook to the bottom of your priority list.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017):

Thanks Anon (2) for you're advice. I did feel like confronting her (in an adult way) but now i'm like she didn't just unfriend me..

She blocked me!!

Without any reason/discussion about what I may have even done to upset her! So is it even worth it if she has such a low opinion of me to do that without even talking to me first? :-/

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017):

I think that you should go ahead and confront her about it. Why do I say this? Because I feel like I myself have left opportunities pass by when I could have just acted like an adult and discuss what happened/ what changed in a friend's mind about something.

Perhaps she was annoyed or upset about something, and this will give the opportunity to clear the air.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017):

Honeypie we were REAL friends outside of work too...I don't understand why she did it...but thanks for your views on me...!!! Anon thanks for your advice ...I will say nothing and act like all is well !!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017):

Absolutely do not even think of confronting her. Do you want to cause tension at work and become known as a trouble maker and perhaps lose your job?

She wants a reaction. She is trying to provoke you.

Rise above her silly action and completely ignore her action.

Better still close down any social media pages - they are just words typed on a web site. Nothing special. The web site is just a device to make some people (not you) an insane amount of money due to all the lemmings who rush to demonstrate that they have several thousand "friends" who they have never met, will probably never meet and who's homes they will never visit. Social Media is an unreal world of make-believe "friends"

Clearly this woman does not want you to be a part of her private life.

At work you need to be utterly correct and respectful towards her and courteous at all times. Keep your distance except for work discussion and do not be caught alone with her in any setting so that she cannot make up lies about anything she might claim you said to her in private.

Do not engage her in personal conversations but very courteously wish her good morning and good evening at the end of the day.

Make sure that the tone of all your work emails sent to her are completely well mannered and courteous, and only send work emails if it is a work issue that requires an email.

Keep a copy of the sent email just in case her penchant to provoke you ever rises up again.

Do not be provoked by her. It will not help you at all

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntIt's HER Facebook and if she doesn't WANT to be "friends" on Facebook that is her RIGHT. You can "confront" her all you want, but guess what? YOU will look like a loon.

Why not instead back away from that "friendship" and stop wasting your time and energy on this? Focus on WIRK when at work and your REAL friends outside of work.

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