A
female
age
41-50,
*hanib
writes:Was I targeted by a sociopath?I met a 45 yr old guy online. It turned out we had many mutual fb friends. One of my exs was actually a friend of his. On our 2 nd date he'd told me he told him he'd met me. By our 3rd date he'd said he wanted more than friends as we'd been intimate. It felt rushed. 3 wks into it he declared love and had been telling me I was special, couldn't believe he'd met me etc. He introduced me to people, genuinely seemed to have fallen for me. I trusted him and couldn't believe my luck.My doubts set in when he claimed to be the victim in his past relationship giving very little detail about them apart from having been cheated on etc.He had a high number of friends on fb and came across as a bit of a party boy, the life and soul, everyone likes him.When we went out he was generous and bought huge rounds for everyone.I was smitten. He then started saying little things like he got others interested in him or that he usually went for younger ladies than me.Thus did make me feel insecure.After about 3 mths he suddenly goes abit quiet on me but is still on social media throughout the day. He abruptly ended things with a text saying he wanted more than every other weekend and did say his only day off was a Sunday and I've got my kids.I was shocked. I told him I'd gotten feelings for him and his reply was did I mean A feeling.I never heard from him after that. That was 2 and half months ago. We aren't Fb friends but do have mutual friends so I was surprised when I recently saw him with a new fb profile pic of him with his new and much younger gf looking very in love. I was hurt by this.I possible see that I was lovebombed, devalued and discarded with no emotion. I was just wondering what others thoughts are on this as my family just say get over it. But I am still truly shocked by his actions after telling me I had his heart. Why do they parade it on face book.
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male
reader, PuffinMuffin +, writes (25 July 2016):
I'm inclined to think he knew pretty much exactly what he was doing and what he was looking for, which seems to be one conquest after another, and you were just another one in the line.It's almost intoxicating to get attention and I think that may have clouded your judgement. There is a thing called "being too good to be true". And he was, wasn't he? Look out for that in future.As for Facebook, I only friend people that I know to be real friends or close family only. FB can be a mask, and friending someone is not the same as knowing someone.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 July 2016):
 Hide his feeds on FB. Spare yourself the pain of watching that.
Secondly... I think he is one of those people who think love is like instant noodles, just add hot water and voila! And when it doesn't pan out like his fantasy he looses interest right away.
Life AND love doesn't quite work like that.
I DO think you dodged a bullet here. Because I think the whole generous charming lovey-dovey behavior is an act. And he couldn't sustain it all that long before it slipped. Like telling you he usually dated younger women - to make you FEEL like you got OH so lucky to be dating him. Like declaring love after 3 weeks, when let's face it.... neither of you really knew each other at 3 weeks.
YOU ignored several red flags.
You say you felt rushed, YET you let him dictate the "speed".
You trusted him and what he said, because he KNOWS how to put on an act. He introduced you WAY too soon to people, to GAIN your trust and affection and guess what? IT WORKED. Telling you that YOU had his heart? Another part of the act. Because let's look at that for a minute, does his words match his actions? Um, no. He dumped you and flew onto the next chick he had lined up.
I wouldn't call him a party boy, but a player, and YOU OP... got played.
I know it doesn't FEEL nice to be on the receiving end of a guy like that. One who winds you up and makes you feel like you got your prince and are headed for the happily ever after.
My advice? ACCEPT that you got played. And accept that is LITTLE part of this hurt you are feeling is kind of your own fault for NOT listening to your gut instinct. I'm not BLAMING you for thinking oh wow I got lucky, but ignoring those red flags? Not helping you now, is it?
SO, what's next? Well, LEARN from this. You know the saying if it seems to be too good to be true, it probably is. That goes for people too. TALK is cheap.
NEXT time you meet a guy DON'T let him set the tempo, don't try and rush it and WAIT with the intimacy a BIT longer than a couple of weeks. YOU can't KNOW a person in a couple of weeks. You can't KNOW if he says what he means and mean what he says or if he is full of crap (like this guy).
Don't waste any more time ON him or trying to figure him out - because it's a waste of time. He is no longer in your life and he was full of crap.
Chin up and better luck next time!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 July 2016):
 If you don't want to be rushed, I wouldn't advise being intimate so quickly. Being intimate is likely to lead to things being rushed, particularly feelings.
I think he may have liked the idea of you, maybe even fallen for it, but he's preferences lie elsewhere.
Take it slow with people and weed out the iffy ones :)
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