A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago and we have a 7 mo old son. Our relationship was unhealthy we fought all the time. We both physically abused each other i quit talking to all my friends and did what he said when he said it. Now he is starting to beg me back and say that its the best for our son. Im also scared that without us together he wont be as much of a father for our son. He wants us to go to counceling but i just cant ever see us getting along and communicating. Did i make the right decision for my son? Is it better for his dad to not be around as much (even though he wouldnt ever hurt him) or should i just put up with whatever i need to for my son?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): One month is not long enough of a time for him to have changed. Especially since he has not gotten help. It is not best for your son, do you want him to grow up & think it's o.k. to abuse women? Maybe if you both got counseling first, and had more time apart, then it may be an idea to give it ONE more chance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Run like hell in the opposite direction. I have been in an abusive marriage before and i wish i had gone years ago. Don't have this person back in your life, no matter what the reasons, they never change. Good luck and never go back.
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 September 2007):
 You don't put up with crap for your son. That's wrong. That would be teaching him, it's OK to be abusive. Since you both were abusive, I'd seek some counseling. You need to work out these issues, and the pain from this relationship before even considering getting into a new one. I'll tell you, I wasn't in an abusive relationship at the time. But after we separated I realized I needed to make some changes in my behavior, because I wasn't happy with where I was and some of my habits. It took me 2 1/2 years making the changes I needed to, and stayed single doing it. I was asked a few times to go out, but respectfully turned them down. I'd simply say "I don't want to invite you into my person hell". You are right to say you need to do what's best for your child. And what's best is the feeling of being safe. Knowing they have a place they can go to feel safe. It is never OK to see being in an abusive, angry place is OK for a child. Your child learns their behaviors from their parents. If their around abuse, they'll start imitating those behaviors. Those forms of behaviors are what professionals believe is one of the main causes of childhood anxiety disorder. So if you chose to be with the father, and your child developed this disorder, you'd be the one's to thank for giving it to them. Keep yourself safe and keep your child safe.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (12 September 2007):
If he was abusive, then hell no. What's to stop him from abusing your son. But then again, you said you were abusive too. What's preventing you from abusing him? Perhaps you and your ex need counseling, whether or not you get back together.
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