A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off, me and my bf are both virgins and we decided to have sex when I'm ready. Lately I've been feeling like I really want to do that, we talked about contraception, tried to imagine our first time, talked about the future and so on. We're being a couple for 2 and half years now, he's 26, I'm 21. So last night I was at his place and we started to fool around. He got hard and I took his pants off so I can give him a handjob (he always gets hard when we kiss or fool around). He stopped me so he get up and go grab some tissues so we don't make a mess, but then immediately he lost his erection. And I mean he lost it for good that night, because I tried for an hour to make it hard again with no success what so ever. He tried to help me, he explained me and showed me what I should do, but I couldn't seem to get it right, I felt like I had two left hands. It was the first time I was doing that by own will... I feel so bad for not being able to satisfy him and make him feel good. He told me that he lost his erection because he masturbated more often lately, that is the day before yesterday, when I was at his place. But I don't know what to believe.. do men's bodies react like this? I mean, just like I read on the internet and seen movies, I too tried to do that, but I realized that in real life, everything is different. He told me that I shouldn't worry about it, because it comes with practice, that he's just having a good time just by being with me. But please, especially men on this site, try to enlighten me a bit... Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat was very helpful, thank you so much~ :)
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (15 December 2010):
 Well if he had already masturbated that day then it is quite likely to be the cause of his lost erection, there is only a certain number of times in one day a man can get it up! And for each man it varies - some men can have multiple erections each day and achieve an orgasm multiple times. Whereas other men, it can be just once and then that is it!
Also - he had to get up to grab some tissues, so the moment was lost there really.
And one other thing - some men can be quite easy to give a hand job to, others (my boyfriend included) have their own very specific way of doing it and only if you do it in that exact way does it work for them. With some of my ex's, it has been the easiest thing in the world to do and there was no conscious thought on my part needed. Whereas with my current boyfriend, I am always getting it wrong because he has to be in a certain position, with a certain lube, with a certain hand stroke etc.
Practice makes perfect as they say, and the more you try and the more you talk about it with him the better you will get. One thing to learn - if it is not going well and you are still not getting it say after 15-30 mins of trying - then stop as it will not help if you carry on. He will be very conscious that you are trying so he will be willing himself to get hard, you will be getting upset and frustrated - it all becomes to difficult and neither of you are enjoying it.
Something else to keep in mind - if you feel comfortable enough with it, then giving head is actually easier than a hand job IF your boyfriend is fussy about his handjobs. 99% of men enjoy oral sex, it is a huge turn on for them and I think that men secretly would choose oral over sex if they could because it feels the best for them. I know my boyfriend is a nightmare with hand jobs and it upsets me at times, so when I want to feel good and see him really enjoying something, I just try oral rather than the hand job and the results are always good!
But just keep practicing, try new things, and maybe get him to stop masturbating so much and it should get easier for you! Sex is never going to be amazing all the time, there are days when it is fantastic and you pleasure each other beyond belief, then on other days it can be awkward, uncomfortable and nothing seemingly goes right. But if you just stick with it, laugh at the bad days and enjoy the good ones then you will be just fine.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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