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I want to tell him I'm in love with him but am worried I may be saying it too soon. What does everyone think?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 May 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 May 2013)
A female Australia age 26-29, *irstTimeOnlineDater writes:

My boyfriend and I met online. We have been together for almost 2 months now. I am in love with him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same about me. We haven't actually said it yet. Is it the guys job or the girls?

He is turning 31 this year, he has never been married and has no kids. He told me he wants kids. I really really want to have them too. We spend every night together, although we don't live together.

I know he wanted to find someone to settle down with. I'm looking for the same thing.

Lately he has been saying things about marriage.

Yesterday he told me I would make a good wife one day. Do you think that may be another way of him saying that I'm the kind of girl he wants to marry?

I want to tell him I'm in love with him but am worried I may be saying it too soon. What does everyone think? Is marriage (with me) on his mind? Should I wait for him to tell me he loves me?

Today he said again that I act more like a wife than a girlfriend in a good way. I cook, clean, look after his every need. Right down to buying shoe laces for him because his were tatty. I always dote on him and he does wonderful things for me too.

A few day ago I noticed he has started to wear his ring on his wedding finger. Do you think that may be because he wants to show other girls that he's taken. Would be interested to know people's opinions about that too.

I haven't known him for long but I knew the first time we met that thisone was special....

View related questions: met online, wedding

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (2 May 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntTwo months dating is not a lot of time. Still in the early honeymoon stages. You ask if it’s the guys job or the girls job to say “I LOVE YOU”. It’s no one’s JOB. IF you feel it you say it. But I am betting you are at infatuation at this point. IT feels like love.

Part of dating is talking about what you want from life. It’s normal to want kids and marriage and to TALK about it. IT does not mean it’s actually on the table for you two as a couple at this point. It’s just conjecture and talk.

If you are at two months out spending every night together, I think it’s too much. Truly. It feels great and it’s comfortable, but from EXPERIENCE I can tell you it’s too much too soon. Do you not go out to dinner with girlfriends? Do you not have your own hobbies, plans or commitments. DID you drop all of them for him? TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK. Spending time apart is a good thing.

Just because he says you will make a good wife someday does not mean he thinks you will make a good wife FOR HIM.

I would NOT tell him you love him. IN fact, I would start taking a bit of time for yourself… maybe take one night a week to have dinner with friends or just chill on the couch by yourself.

STOP cooking and cleaning for him at his place. You are not acting like a wife you are acting like a maid and a cook. Do you do his laundry too? STOP IT.

His wearing a ring means NOTHING. My first three husbands did not wear wedding bands at all.

IF you REALLY want to make this work… listen to me long and hard… BACK OFF… let him miss you a bit. Let him chase you a bit. STOP mothering him. Stop playing house.

Have you two disagreed about anything yet? NO? WAY TOO SOON to be planning anything other than maybe becoming exclusive to see where it goes….

YOU ARE RUSHING IT. I Know exactly how you feel. I’ve been there done that. It never turned out well.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 May 2013):

Honeypie agony auntI would hold the horses just a while longer, specially because the two of you have ONLY known each other a month.

Relax. Enjoy the courtship and really getting to know him.

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A female reader, queenadelaide United Kingdom +, writes (2 May 2013):

2 months is the honeymoon phase. You have the novelty and the passion that really make you feel like this is it.

We've all been there.

Not taking away from what you have, it might well be love, but let it mature :-)

Allow yourself the opportunity to see him not only at his best but also at his worst. When he's angry, upset, stressed, happy etc so that you know him completely. Only then can you be sure that you love him as a person. Only then can you know that you're not just in love with the version of himself that he presents to impress you.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (2 May 2013):

CindyCares agony auntWait. What's the rush ? A feeling is not a heavy undigested meal weighing on your stomach, that you have to chuck it out otherwise you won't sleep at night.

Let times confirm the strength of your feelings, and the viability of the relationship. Tons of early " I love you " have turned into " What was I thinking off ?! ", and at 2 months of dating you really CANNOT know if it's love or just hormons / the excitement of the novelty.

Personally, belonging to an older generation, I would be for letting the guy say it first, that's his " job":). But I agree that it's not mandatory, or relevant who says it first. Timing is important , though. If it's too early, you may scare him off or make him feel pressured, or make him think that you are superficial and easily carried away by the emotions of the moment.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (2 May 2013):

YouWish agony auntIn truth, 2 months is too soon. Many people are just making decisions on being exclusive then, and some people at the 2 month mark are just becoming sexually active.

Saying "I love you" is more than simply an expression of deep emotions. It's a step in the relationship, and one of the most meaningful ones, for it greatly strengthens commitment and moves the relationship into serious territory.

I would suggest waiting for him to say it to you first. Guys tend to move a bit slower in getting to that moment, which many times happens at about the 6-months to a year level. I know there are exceptions to the rule, but like a really good homemade pot roast, some things just cannot be rushed.

Hold off on saying it, but instead, show it. You can express your love without saying it by saying things like "I'm really into you", or doing things or the way you kiss him, which too many people overlook as one really good way to convey emotions.

Remember, there is no hurry. There is never a hurry. Enjoy these feelings. But yes, 2 months is too soon. Don't want to underbake a relationship by getting impatient or carried away with feelings.

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