A
male
age
36-40,
Adventerous
writes:My wife and I are still young, We are both 34 and we have been together for 17 years, highschool sweet hearts and I love her very much. But lately, I have been expressing to her how much I would like to be with another couple. She is a very beautiful women(HOT) and I'm the only guy she has ever been with, but to be honest, I would't mind if she was with someone in front of me, but she's not into that. She doesn't want to watch or be watched. I guess you can say, I'm a closet swinger. I need that excitement and she knows it, something spontaneous, adventerous. We don't even have to swap, just to be in that environment of a swingers club would work. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JTalbott +, writes (23 May 2008):
 A great sexual experience is about doing something that BOTH partners willingly want to do. Pushing your partner to do something she doesn't want to do, whatever that may be, is a quick way to make something that is mutually pleasurable tense and uncomfortable.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): I'd encounter the same problem with my ex wife, all I had to do was to get some info into it. You know polyamory and such, after that we'd fucked all of my girlfriends. she did enjoyed a lot!!! Then she got curious, but soon after that she did'nt want to do it anymore because all the people I knew were younger than us.
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A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (13 July 2007):
Swinging can be risky even if both partners are willing, because eventually one side or the other might get jealous. But that would be your choice - if you were both willing it might work. If one of you is unwilling it is a complete no-no. Pressuring your wife into doing something that she strongly doesn’t want to do – in fact to break her marriage vows – would be disastrous. I didn’t say that as a moral dig at you, I suspect that she feels like that about it, apart from her issues with modesty. This could be a marriage-breaker if you can’t deal with it.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (13 July 2007):
 I'm with Irish49.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet + ♥, writes (13 July 2007):
 First let me say that you should not force your wife to something that she is totally against. She will make you regret it!
Now, swinging is a lifestyle that is not for everybody and your wife may feel insulted and turned off that you want to see her having sex with another man. I know that when my ex husband used to say that to me I would dry up like the sahara desert I was so hurt. However I do think you can approach it in a softer manner. Instead of suggesting having sex in front of others how about just going to a swingers club together? Being in that environment may be a huge turn on that you can then take home to share with each other instead of strangers. My current partner and I have discussed doing this and as long as we keep our hands on each other I think it would be fun!
Also, have you ever considered nudism/naturism? While social nudism has very little to do with sex this might be a good comprimise. I have found that since becoming a nudist I am, simply put, more confortable in my own skin. Being nude is a very freeing experience and because it is not a sexual experience your wife might be more open to it.
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A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (12 July 2007):
 You do nothing..let this go. Swinging is plainly an emotional topic for your wife because her underlying beliefs of marriage and monogamy are being questioned. It's plain to see she does not want this and you need to respect her thoughts and feelings. She could be viewing this as an issue of you wanting the most important person (her) in your life with someone else, who is basically a stranger. If she believes this, then that is not a good thing? To me and a lot of people out there, marriage means complete monogamy. So I have to ask-are you not feeling fulfilled in your marriage? Your wife must be asking herself the same thing. The lifestyle is not for everyone and you need to accept her answer. Both partners in a swinging couple must both want to swing and both must have complete trust for one another or it simply won’t fly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): Most women aren't into swinging or sharing partners. I personally think it's gross, and I would be really upset if my partner wanted to see me have sex with another man. It would really hurt my feelings. I wonder how your wife feels about the fact that you want to see her with another man. She may be hurt, so I wouldn't push the issue anymore, and find some other way to get your kicks. Or if you can't stand the idea of just being with your wife for the rest of your life, you may have to seek a divorce. But definitely don't cheat on her, as that will just hurt everyone involved.
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A
female
reader, JessAgonyAunt +, writes (12 July 2007):
 Hey, if ur wife doesn't want to do this then that's her choice, she obviously doesn't feel confident naked infront of other people, maybe there's a bit of jealously there? I think you should just stay as you are and be more adventurous towards each other? GOOD LUCK jess xxxx
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