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I want to stop caring about him, but I don't know how!

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

hi,

how do you stop caring about someone, you know its the right thing to do , but when ever you let your guard down they are back in your head.

i dont think im in love with him , but i do feel alot of feelings there still. it has been 2 years now since we have broken up but we we're still sexually involved untill feb this yr and we have been together for around 4 yrs. i have recently found out he has had another baby by someone else.

he neva paid our son as much attenstion as his new baby. he called me to ly to his new baby mother sayin he neva we was neva sexually involved.

we broke up because he was very violent towards me i felt scared everytime he shouted, he kicked my front door down one time, i moved when we broke up but as we started havin a sexual relationship again he knew where i live now so im currently waitin to move again.

i dont plan on seeing him again or speaking to him. i know this is the right thing to do, but how do i stop thinking about his new so called family?? why did he call me n ly to me?? why does he still treaten me??

everyime i take a step forward in gettin on with my life its like theres always something holding me back. i believe i had a son because i dont hav a family of my own so my son is all i got. i moved around in care when i was younger so i dont hav what we class as close friends to turn to .

View related questions: broke up, violent

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2006):

i hav stopped see'n him, like i said feb was the last time or there abouts.

im still waitin to be moved i've done all the right things this time , police, solicitors, but as long as im busy im ok. as soon as i hear a loud noise i jump and stuff.

if i let my guard down i start thinking bout him, not sexually but should i call him or txt him. he cant contact me coz i changed my number but why do i still keep thinkin about him and wha he's doin that he neva done with my son.

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A reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (31 May 2006):

I Dont Lie agony auntHi there, first and foremost, its very important you continue to STOP all sexual contact with him! This is very crucial as everytime you let him have it, you're saying its alright to walk all over me and still have a piece of the action! And believe you me, thats not the kind of message you want to be sending out to sleazebags like these. Its good that you clearly know that this guy isnt the one for you in all sense, but you still think of him. Let me be the first one to assure you that theres nothing wrong with that. In fact, if you've noticed, it happens all the time to everyone! Think about the last time someone mentioned about cant moving on from their ex-es! Hell, just look at the number of posts in here about ex-es! Its only human nature to crave for something we can't have. It doesn't have to necessarily be a good thing with the ex for you to think of him that way, for some reason, we always think the grass is always greener on the other side! Everyone thinks it at some point, and whoever denies this can keep living in denial! But thank God for putting brains in our heads. We can avoid making the wrong decisions in life through thinking and rationalising.

I guess what Im trying to say is this, Im glad you've finally come to the conclusion that you dont want this guy in your life. Just make sure you carry on telling yourself hes no good for you and you'll be fine! Dont worry about still thinking about him, cause it happens, such is life. You will always think about an ex at some point. You're on the right track girl. Keep it up.

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A female reader, smeedle United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2006):

smeedle agony auntI am so sorry that you got involved with this low life, he has lied to you and treated you badly.

You know not being with him is not just the right thing, but for you and your son it is the safest thing, this bloke is dangerouse.

Getting over someone even someone who lied and was abusive is hard and you found love with him and for awhile you felt you had happiness and a family, someone to love and care for you, sadly you just picked the wrong bloke.

You will get over him with time, what you must not do is weaken and sleep with him again, he was just using you for sex until you put a final stop to it.

You crave a family life and this is normal for someone who has not had a stable family upbringing, what you need to watch out for is the men that will prey on your vulnerability they can sense that you are lonely and this means that they can take advantage of you much more easily.

One day you will meet a fantastic man and he will love you and your son and you may have a child or two with him, just hang in there until you meet this bloke.

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