A
male
age
18-21,
bufb
writes:Alright i need a lot of help here. I want to try to get over my gay tendencies and stop thinking about guys. Being a gay guy has just destroyed my life, it has completely left me empty inside. I can't find friends like me because to tell you the truth all the gay guys i meet are feminine, and that bothers me soooo much. Im a masculine guy and if i could meet another good looking guy who was gay too i would be happy, but it seems like there just isn't any good looking gay guys out there. I mean im completely depressed about the whole situation. Not to mention the good looking guys i do meet and become friends w/ are all straight and either have a girlfriend or are married (but none over 26 yrs old).. thats the cut off line for me. and some of the guys im talking about make me think that they might be gay and i know that they are hanging w/ other guys who i know are, but my buds, one in particular blatantly denies that he hangs out w/ the guy. hes married and has a kid, and says hes really my friend, but yet denies the fact that he spends time w/ the other dude. its made me so miserable that i can't think straight any more. why won't he tell me the truth. like i said he told me before that he doesn't hang out w/ the dude, and the time he did it was only because they were doing drugs and he got some pot for free from him, thats the only reason he did hang out w/ him after work. sounds kinda odd to me. im not innocent in all this cause for a long time me and my bud smoked pot all the time, every break at work, on the weekends and after work sometime. Why does it bother me though that he hangs out w/ this other dude and why do i think that he really has some gay relationship w/ him? a little background, my friend who well call "keith" is married is 26 yrs old, has a daughter, is very religious, says hes the farthest thing from gay ill ever know, but yet has absolutely no problem w/ me being bisexual,and ive already told him that im in love w/ him, but it hasn't affected our friendship at all, in fact he says hes gonna try to help me overcome my problems as much as he can, yet,he is very secretive about some things. I wanna beleive that hes straight so i don't get my heart broken. does it sound like hes straight to you guys?
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male
reader, konjon. +, writes (9 July 2008):
I too had the same problem. More hating how other gay guys set the stereo type for us. So I wanted to dissociate myself from the lifestyle all together. It was empty and other gay guys had each other and I felt like the in-between that nobody liked, which I'm well aware isn't true. First off, get yourself out of these situations. If he's lying to you about the other dude then who cares? You deserve a friend who will tell you the truth. And the guy you like, if you don't want to be gay then they guy your in love with can't help you stop cuz your too focused on him. Get a female friend to help. Also it might be a good idea to find another guy in the same situation and help each other when you struggle. Make it someone you can trust and will hold you accountable. And lastly, even if you don't believe in God, just pray that if he is there and if he honestly cares that he will help you out this. Because He is real. He helped me. And its a long struggle to stop, but so worth it. I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Everyone said that acept yourself, but is not easy when your family, and friends made fan of people that are gays and called them names...and olso different cultures,in some countries being gay is the end of the world, in some cases they even kill you!most of gay people are very unhappy and very depressed...my husband hates gay people and he has heart problems you think he would understand that his son is gay?..he would die the same day....his always been a excellent father but he doesn't understand this things..his is the only boy in the family! I'm very sad, because and between two love! i'm devasted we this situation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): I was bi and i have a solution for our problem. It is everything in your head. don't think constantly about that problem. Stop being with gay people. find a female friend and you will see that thy are better persons then male. I have done it and i have made me straight.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Well, it all started when i was 14, i noticed i really liked guys, then i fought myself over the years trying to convince myself i was eterosexual. I landed on the university psycology office because i went into a deep depression and i could not take classes. I cried and cried and asked god why me but i never got out of depression till i finally told my mom I liked men, i lied and told her i was bisexual. I accepted myself but yet i needed proof i was gay or bisexual so i tried to have sex with a virgin woman that wanted to be my girlfriend. The bad news is that even when i tried all i could to have an erection i actually made her mentally unstable. She told me she started reading books about erectile disfunction, and some other stuff i do not wanna write about. What i learned is that try to stop feeling the way you do about other men will send you in the depression land and is most likely you will make someone else unhappy if you try to be something you are not. Be happy!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): this guy that is saying hes as far away from gayness as u can imagine, he is in complete denial. Alot of straight guys myself included fear being touched up by a gay man (as pathetic as it sounds its true) so if this guy doesnt mind that ur gay and you fancy him then he is confused about his own sexuality and needs guidance or he knows hes gay but he cannot be as comfortable with it as other gay people. I think you and him may end up a cupple as usually in a situation like this there is usually a drunken kiss or something that will led to him realising if he does or doesnt love you. My advice to you is keep your options open very wide he may be leading you on and lapping up the fact u love him or he could be in denial! Good luck mate
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): Hi, I have a few gay cousins and even a cousin that is bisexual and i have no problems with any of it, in this day and age i think that to be prejudice against homosexuals and to discriminate them is just as bad as being a rascist or whatever. Infact I found this website when looking for a background to homosexuality as I am preparing an oral for my english GCSE so I want people to realise that no matter who we are attracted to it does not make us any less of a person and only the small minded guys and girls out there cant accept it. I live in one of the roughest parts of Belfast and even straight people here are accepting homosexuals so that has got to count for something! You dont need to stop being gay because even tho its not whats making u happy now, one day it will! God made us all in unique ways and I dont mean to sound like a Bible Basher but if hes chosen for you to be gay then thats they way u should accept yourself. Good luck with your future! Ps.) It sounds like that gay isnt straight but hes having a little trouble accepting who he has become through his sexuality, be patient with him as this could become something special. Ox
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): hey guys and girls.yeah i know what you're talking about, I like to consider myself as bi, but I masturbate at the thought of guys and so I think I'm more gay than straight. It's litterally tearing me apart, I just wana to grow up being what is considered as "normal" and I want to have a massive family too. I just want to know how I can stop liking men. can I go to therapy sessions or something?! answers please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): How did you discovered , that you are gay? I have a son, and I have feeling he might be, but I'm not sure. Do you think is it obvious? Are there always signs? If he is ,than he is someone who didn't come out from the closet.Do your parents know it? I have full respect for gay people, and I admire their strength to face society.
I think, I always wanted to understand how gayness happens to someone, but I still don't see the real answer. Is this genetic? Or its his something what happens to you?
I think its much better to be open abut it ,than hide it. I have a good friend and he is gay, but nobody really knows ,as he is a Christian and poor guy is very scared of the judgment.
AS much as I know, if you try repressing it is more damaging for you on the long run. Be, yourself. And don't be afraid. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lil miss helper  +, writes (26 January 2008):
i dont think u should be ashamed. Their is nothing wrong with gay people!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): here's a simple answer, it's really been in front of you so with further ado the answer (Jesus Christ) just keep praying he and (God) will help you!! good luck to all you poor guys out there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): hey, we all seem to forget something here.Being Gay isn't right in all ramifications,including religion.I'm trying to stop being GAY and I have decided to try the last resort with a friend I used to know that goes by the name JESUS! Yes its not easy but I plan to take it a day at a time.I know I might fall into tempatation once in awhile but I plan to get right up and continue until He helps me get it all cleaned off my system. God works men.I suggest you try Him.
Cheers
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): mate i have had the same experience. I met this guy in a straight gym in Essex, England and i fell in love with him from day one. I got to chat with him, and asked him to be my gym buddy, which he agreed to. While we were in the jaccuzi, i noticed how he was staring in my eyes with real admiration, that gave me the courage and, Later on the mobile, i text him and told him that i was gay. He made it clear to me that he was 120% straight. Well he was willing to continue to be my gym buddy so i said phew! As two weeks passed i built up the courage to ask him if he wanted me to massage him and after another week he obliged. I massaged him in the view of others, but i felt uneasy so i stopped. I text him and asked him for us to do it somewhere more private, but he declined. When we met at the gym again, i massaged him again, but this time it was in the steam room and it was very sensuous. I was all over him. At one point he said that he hated his feet as i was massaging his firm legs. I was gonna go further as i was an inch away from his crotch and for some reason i did not. The next time i met him at the gym, again the massage went on and i was well determined to go all the way because on the phone he even text to say that he hung around gays. But to my surprize, as i was trying to get into his shorts, he held onto his crotch for his dear life and i never got further than that. He avoided me since then ,but still text to say we were gym buddies for five weeks until he just stopped returning my text. I wondered what i did wrong and cant come up with the answer. I also wondered how i could get back in touch with him, so i left an expensive New Year gift with a note at the receptionist for when he visit the gym again, hoping that will do the trick. I just hope it works.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): what?
grow up.
you're gay. so what?
deal with it...
seriously.
it's not that bad!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): I am in the same situation and it is actually my best friend/roommate that I am attracted to and it is killing me inside. And because of my religion and the super conservative school I go to I can't ever come out. I wish I could just make it go away.
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A
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): i also want to stop being gay. i can't stand it. I just want to have kids and be "normal"
so ashamed of myself.
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A
male
reader, Yovany +, writes (17 November 2007):
Hi man, Im in the same situation, sometimes i feel that I always feel in love of straight guys, the last one that i have still giving me a hard time, but u know what, no everybody is femm... try to look at for good friends, go out to gay clubs, not everybody is femn, also forget about everybody and just answer this question being gay is a choice? well i believe is not, you are gay and no matter what you try its part of your body, you were created it like that, Im 27 years old, sometimes i feel that i never going to find anyone for me, but u know what i found my self, Im happy and i dont care anymore if i find someone, i just want to be happy and expend time with people that care about me. Yes straights guys are hotting that gay, but why should we put our attention in people who do not care about us? think about you, you deserved something better.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): You are so in denial, my friend. If you feel that desire, then take it! Nothing and no-one can decide what or who you are. You are a beautiful human. You are what you feel and that is it. Follow your desires and be with whoever you feel you need to be with. It's VERY important that you don't relent on this issue. You will hate yourself if you go back. Being gay is only an aspect of being yourself. it is honoring your own identity and inner feelings. It makes us stronger to say we are what we are. then we have more leverage. You have only your life to live as you please, with love for those you love.
please be yourself and nothing but.
xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): You see we cant judge people 100% just by their response to the things we say and do to them, we might never tell if he is gay or not, i think its the best quality for him to not allow disturbance to your friendship, dont push it. I can actually see part of your problem, you indicisive, you want to stop being gay and remove your gay tendencies because its distroying your life, but here you are allowing yourself to be hold back by your feelings, you wont get any were because you are wasting too much of your time tryin to find out some particular detail about your 26yr old friend, which is if his gay or not. Just find an affair with a girl/woman,let her teach you your manhood, hopefully you might little by little cancel your gay side sticking to your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Man I totally understand what your going through. I had a friend just like that for a long time. I fell in love with him and he kept giving me mixed signals even though he told me blatenly that he was straight and that it wouldn't ever change. I completely understand how it feels. Especially now that I just got done watching Brokeback mountain for the first time. Made me incredibly sad because Im so sick of watching these extremely feminine guys walking around when I am not feminine at all. as for me, I stopped talking to my friend completely. Simply because guys like that aren't interested in falling in love or dating other guys. They just like the attention and the feeling they get from the fact that they must be so hot that even gay guys like them. It's a struggle and I don't personally believe that one wise quote or one epiphiny on this subject will ever be enough to fix or solve anything. But I hope that you have an easier time than I am.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Im an 18 year old kid who wants to stop being gay and let me tell you, it's not easy. I want to stop with religous teachings. It helps too. I have a friend that I love dearly and it's hard to tell him that I like him in a sexual kind of way. He acts gay around me as a joke and it makes me go back to thinking i like him. Also same here, it's hard to find a good gay guy thats not girly. Also the more i think about me in a gay relationship, the more it makes me sick to my stomach. In that way i know that if i keep at it i will probably be the first one to stop being gay. Don't let your body make your decidsion. To me it seems that you don't want to be gay but your body right now is controlling your life and is making you feel bad. if you want to talk more here's my AIM (Jerodgenblue)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Dear writer, I've found this page because I want to know the main motivators for gay people to desire heterosexuality. Your reasons, however, are not very common. Just like someone said before, it is very unlikely that you will stop being gay and this comes from someone who tried to change into a heterosexual out of religious beliefs for over 10 years with no result at all... At least in your case, I don´t see that you have that kind of issue, which is good. I think you should be patient... just think there is no guarantee that if the magical change occured you'd quickly find a woman to be with... Keep in mind that it is hugely common that manly gay men are in the closet and they try not to give the slightest hint about their hidden sexual orientation... that is, not all gay men are effeminate, and this comes from a manly gay guy! Now that I'm out of the closet, I've come to learn that there is a great deal of gay guys all around... where I work, where I study, even at church... more than I would have thought, and deffinitely more than I knew about before when I never spoke to anyone about my being gay... In regards to the guy you write about, well, it seems to me you're in love with him or at least have a crush on him and you feel hurt becasue he doesn't show any love back... at least not in the way you wish it was... I know how you feel... Every human being, unless he lived totally isolated, is bound to experience that. Don't think you're the only one! In that case all that can be said is that you have to be patient, try to find things about him that you don't like so that that helps you cut off that crush you have on him (not that you have to stop being friends), and keep on the look for someone who would deffinitely like to be your partner... there! I said it!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): I am finding this page because I too want to stop my gay tendencies...and realize when I read all your notes, that there are a lot of people who can and do feel relief in accepting. I am married with a great woman and have with 2 wonderful kids, when I have seldom encounters with men I never feel really happy and I never feel complete as when I am with my wife. I've never done drugs but I think this is somekind of drug because it is a false road but I just need to keep doing it. Regarding the first topic, I think your friend is not attracted to you, you should think again what you want and go for it....but if you feel not completely engage with the result...maybe is the wrong way..
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): Ok, my friend, think about this:It is really unlikely that you will get over your "gay" tendencies. So, rather than think small and stay safe and continue to be isolated where you are, you need to go to a place that has a community that will accept you and where you can find a partner. If you can't do that move all in one go, you need to start traveling to those places to test the water.Basically, If you are attracted to other men, it is almost certain that you will be over the course of your lifetime (unless you lose your complete sexual drive). You might also be attracted to women but that still will leave your attraction to men unexpressed."Gay" men aren't fem. I am and have consistently taken for "straight" through my life. I am now approaching 46. I don't try to act straight, I just carry on being the person I am and have always been. I haven't had to change to fit in with the Gay world, neither do you. Gay guys come in all colours and flavours. You need to get out there an find someone who appreciates you for you.If you are in love with your possibly straight friend, well that is just the same for anyone, straight or gay. Have you made the direct approach, if not do it but realise that the reason he hasn't made the move to hook up with you is either because he is A) not attracted to other men or B) he is but he is not attracted to you. Both would be a disappointment to you but that just frees you up to go find someone who is.So, enjoy your life, don't torture yourself and realise, attraction to me is for life, not just for Christmas... :-) take care, be safe, enjoy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): I don't think you want to stop being gay, you just want to find the right man for you (anyway you cannot just "get over" your gay tendencies).
Not all gay men are feminine and with more patience I am sure you will be able to find someone you like. Try looking in different places. I met my boyfriend on the internet so that is worth a try.
Don't go after married men! Whatever you have going on with this Keith seems to be destructive and just doing your head in. Try and forget about him and search for a man you like and can be with.
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female
reader, jtlt +, writes (25 May 2007):
you sound confused, you also sound as though you have feelings for your mate!
believe that hes straight, he may be flatered that you fancy him, but it sounds as though you need to sort your own head out before you think about a realationship
you said you cant meet any nice gay guys, perhaps you are focusing all of your energy on your mate and aren't really trying to meet someone new
you have been honest enough to tell your friend how you feel about him, now you need to focus on yourself and find out who you are and what you truly want
let your friend be just that, your friend, and accept its going to go no further with him, dont jeopardise your friendship by having other feelings for him
accept your sexuality and be happy
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): I have lots of male freinds who i thought were gay becuase the way they interacted with other males, but they too said they werent and that its just their personality, perhaps this is whats goin on here, are you confusing his personality as being gay, is his behavior the same when he hangs out with woman and when he hangs out with males, pay specail attention to this?? And you cant be ashamed that your gay, you are what you are and i bet there are plenty of men out there for you, your just looking in the wrong places.
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