A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my wife has a really attractive cousin who I only see on holidays and up until now she’s been in a relationship. Well she’s newly single and I noticed she seems to be interested in me as well and has given vibes that she’s feeling it too. I sat next to her tonight at a family dinner and the energy between us felt electric. I’ll start by saying I’ve always thought she was really beautiful but seeing her this time was intense. There’s a very strong attraction and I seriously cannot stop thinking about her! I don’t want to cheat on my wife, (especially with her cousin!) but it’s becoming overwhelming. I really don’t know what to do? To be completely honest if she were to call me to hangout rn I would do it, but I know I’d probably feel terrible afterwards. I have this unbelievable attraction beyond lust, but I wouldn’t say that I’m in love with her as we don’t know each other all that well. It does feel more than a crush tho. I dunno!! Can anyone offer any suggestions or advice? Is it lust? Is it love? If I sleep with her will I get over it and move on? Or will it mess up everything? Thanks in advance.
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cousin, crush, move on, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2017):
 I think you should stop thinking with your penis and start thinking with your head. Do you remember why you married your wife? What made you take them vows?
I mean yes we all love sex, but don't let it take over your life. Try spicing things up with your wife and stay away from her cousin. It is okay to have a crush you are still human after all, but it is never okay to consider acting on it and cheating on your wife. You took vows for a reason, stick by them, you are in your thirties not teens so don't allow sex cloud your judgement.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (27 November 2017):
 Ask your wife.
Heck, maybe there's someone she wants to sleep with also and you can use it as a little trade off?
Maybe think with your head about it rather than your dick. YOU ARE MARRIED. Of course it's a terrible idea.
If you don't love your wife anymore then divorce her and sleep with whoever you want. Otherwise keep your dick in your pants and stay true to your marriage vows.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): Okay, so I'm sure you know you shouldn't. My guess is you're thinking with your little head. And your little head thinks she's into you, but she really may not be... Maybe she just enjoys flirting and feels empowered to flirt more since she's newly single.
Anyway, it's highly unlikely that anything good will come from your obsession with her, so you should try to redirect your energy to something more positive.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (26 November 2017):
 I think you should discuss it with your wife and see what SHE thinks. I'm sure SHE will have some very clear opinions on your crush. In fact, she will probably tell you to go for it - after she has booted your arse out the door.
Being in a relationship does not make us immune to the attractions of others. However, how we decide to act on that attraction defines our morals. You can acknowledge the attraction while choosing to distance yourself as much as possible from this woman so that you don't jeopardize your marriage. Unless you don't put any value on your marriage, in which case you should be looking to sort that out as your first priority.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2017): You're just looking for excuses to justify cheating on your wife. She's your wife for a reason and if you can't be man enough to be faithful to her as you vowed you would then you don't deserve her. Stop being such a coward! If she even finds out you're having these thoughts about any woman you would be in big trouble let alone about her cousin! If you can't handle it then try staying away from this woman. By the way, her cousin is a douchebag, if she really is sending you signals.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (25 November 2017):
 I think you already know what consequences can arise from your choices. It wouldn't only be cheating but it would be with a family member. You realise even if nothing comes from it now, it could surface 10, 20, 30 years from now and destroy many lives. It seems you just want sex from her, I'm not sensing that you're attracted to her on a deeper level. If this woman is your weakness, stay away and avoid her as best as possible. There's no telling how she may be using this information. What if she's open to blackmailing you? What if she secretly hates your wife and wants to do whatever she can to hurt her? What if she and your wife arrange to have her act interested in you to see if you would cheat on her? Just think of what would happen if you got caught. Are you willing to risk all that for a couple nights of sex?All the best.All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2017): Would you be OK if your wife slept with someone else to "get it out her system " ..don't be ridiculous this would cause so much upset in the family , if you don't like your wife enough to be faithful leave her!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2017): The short answers are no, it's not love and yes, it will mess up everything. You're in your thirties. You can't really be that naive to think otherwise.
If it's that overwhelming here's another short answer you might like better. Divorce your wife and be with her cousin.
Why don't you ask your wife and see what she thinks.
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