A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i know this is a probably a typical silly question to ask but i want to know your opinions on having a threesome based in a relationship!! Small bit of backgroundIm with my partner just over 6 months now we are both similar people and even though its early days i see a strong future with this man ive been in a long term relationship before where i was not appreciated or loved the way i deserves and this man ticks every single box !He is a true gentleman with maners, shows me strong love and emoition and we have a wonderful bond sexually and personality wise !!We just came back from holidays and took a sex quiz that was in a cosmopolitian magazine i was reading and the topic of a threesome came up !At first i was completly against the idea i always believed if sombody wanted to venture into that fantasy its best left to when you are single ! However this man has shown me some valid points you know watching women together is arousing for him and even though i really cannot complain about out sex life i love him and i want to make him happy. But i dont want to go into this and then 2 weeks later problems start arising and ive lost him because of this mistake I would just love to know peoples past experiences and views ! I have always believed that sex is between two people and creates a special bond but on the same note i want to satisfy all his needs ? Honest opinions please try to be nice ?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 January 2014):
 Swinging has ruined more marriages and relationships than it has done good for.
my last marriage was perfectly fine but it was ruined because we let others into our bed. It was a choice on both our parts but in the end it did not work for us.
it also has ruined at least 3 other long term marriages I saw..
i only know of 3 couples that are long term married (over 20 years each) that survive the lifestyle and AFAIK none of them are currently active in the lifestyle.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (14 January 2014):
Threesomes can be lots of fun. My husband and I got it off the bucket list when our relationship was very new, so it turned out fine.
If you are not 100% on board, it will turn out very, very badly, though. Do not, I repeat, do not go there unless you're absolutely sure you want it. Lay out ground rules and stick to them.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 January 2014):
 Fantasies and "needs" are not the same thing. A fantasy is a fantasy, and if it's not met, that doesn't mean that needs aren't met. Almost every couple has fantasies that they know won't be indulged within the relationship, like rough sex with a stranger, or threesomes, or watching your spouse pleasure someone else while you watch, or wild sex with a celebrity or a Maxim top 100 person.
The point is that a relationship is so much more than sex and fantasies. It's not just about satisfying needs, it's about being better people while you're together. If he makes you better and you make him better, then you're doing alright.
On the subject of threesomes, usually when a guy has that kind of fantasy, it's not the fantasy of a TRUE threesome where everyone is pleasuring each other mutually, but the PORN fiction of two women fawning all over him. Most guys even who come onto here talk about their experience with threesomes being "underwhelming".
Don't feel inadequate if you don't indulge that fantasy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): If it ever crosses your mind again, OP, just imagine in your head what it would be like to watch him tenderly make love to another woman in front of you. That will be your answer.
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A
female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (14 January 2014):
Let's reverse roles. If you always wanted to stick a dildo into someone's ass, if it was just your full-time daydream, and then you meet someone who doesn't want to do it, would it be fair to make him guilty for not doing it for you?How can it even be fun for you if he isn't even enjoying it?There's nothing wrong with threesomes, but there is something wrong with pressuring someone to do something. It's really as simple as that. He ought to be more of a gentlemen. He should be delighted to have you, not pout that he is lacking something. If it's his life-long dream, or something he wants to check off his bucket list, then he should grow up.However, if you are afraid of things going wrong afterwards, you can set out a list of rules, "dos and donts" to ensure everyone is safe, included and happy. For example, I was with a couple and the man did not penetrate or go down on me, everyone was okay with this. Anyway everyone on this post so far agrees with me, and with you. So now you know, that you are not ridiculous.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 January 2014):
 I think adding more people to the bedroom is the beginning of the end.
IF YOU feel strongly about NOT wanting a 3-some you shouldn't HAVE to do to keep your man. HE should be OK with not not HAVING the same fantasies as he does. NOT all fantasies NEEDS or MUST be lived out. Some are SO much better if you just keep them in your head.
Would you be OK to "share" him sexually with another woman? Would HE be OK to "share" you with another man? And what about afterwards? What if the "extra" you two bring in is a better "match" sexually?
Adding another person will sow seeds of doubt. And mistrust.
Like you said, FIND fantasies that are between THE TWO of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for ur answers your points are exactly what im thinking cindycares!! I love him but im dont think im willing to jepardise pur relationship for it ! If theres fantasys he has between two people then heck yea im all for it !!
Dorotydix i 100% dont believe he is interested in other woman ! My last relationship i was cheated on a number of times i know the signs i genuinly believe me !! I think because my partner is 28 im 22 he is seeing this as his final relationship he not single anymore and is just giving himself one last chance to complete this fantasy i think this man sees a strong future with me as i do with him ! Hey u cant blame a guy for trying
He was brought up with great respect for woman but thank u for your opinions u have already answered the question i knew the answer to :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 January 2014):
 And that's probably your typical silly answer, but : if you don't want to do a threesome, then don't do a threesome.
He may be a nice guy, but that's HIS fantasy ,not yours. If you had always secretly fantasized about the same thing... and hoped to meet a guy with whom to make it happen.. then of course it would be different.
But if so far you have always been completely against it, never have desired to bring this in your relationship, and always have thought that's something best left to single people....if you have so many doubts and reluctance that you have to ask on a forum... now you want to do a total aboutface just because HE finds it arousing and you want to please HIM ?...
that sounds to me like going above and beyond the call of duty. It's like, for being a good gf, you'd force yourself to eat snails and frogs legs that really do not appeal to you, just because he is crazy about French cuisine !
I am afraid that basically your question means: I have found this wonderful guy who loves me and treats me well, I am not used to that , I think I do not deserve it,- and I am afraid that if I don't do anything he wants he will stop liking me.
There's two people in a couple and they both count the same, so they can only share the activities they both feel good about. If you are basically aroused by the idea too, and feel you will have no problems of jealousy or competition etc... then do it. If you are only going to do it to get bonus points in his eyes so he is less tempted to dump you.. heck no !.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (14 January 2014):
Hi there. If he is thinking about having a threesome - 2 women and 1 man - it seems like he has a wandering eye.
Just by the fact of wanting another female in the same bed as you, points towards that, don't you think?
The message that seems to send, is that he isn't content enough to be happy with just you, and you alone.
Most times when there is a threesome or either - 2 women and 1 man - or the other way, 1 woman and 2 men - someone usually gets hurt, and there are many insecurities and feelings of low self esteem felt by that person who gets hurt.
And if 2 women and 1 man is what he he hoping you will agree to participate in, well then he probably doesn't have any serious feelings for you.
And if you don't feel right about it, well then tell him so and be completely honest and say why.
You should never do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, and certainly not just to please him.
And don't say yes, because you think you might lose him.
And supposing you tell him you won't be a part of that - and then he says it's over - well then, that tells you what sort of man he is, don't you think?
And if that were to happen, well then he wasn't worth your love in the first place.
You need to be completely open and honest with him, regarding this.
And if he keeps pestering you about it, and you feel pressured to do something you don't feel right about, well then you might need to say - "If that is how you feel, well I'm sorry, but I can't do that. It isn't right for me. I think we will have to end it now."
And see what he says.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): My partner and I seriously looked into a threesome... But there were two differences in our case; I'm bi and we were only supposed to be together for a year at max.. But all that stopped when circumstances changed and it became possible to be together longterm. I love this man with every fibre of my being and I decided no, I'm not risking ruining an amazing longterm relationshipfor the sake of two hours with a stranger.If.It's.short.term.why not. Of.you're thinking longterm, I'd advise against it. I'm guessing he has FFM in mind. Do you even fancy women? Or would you just get to watch him have sex with someone else? Also, you don't have to make his every fantasy come true. That's an unreasonable aim. Know where your boundaries are and he will respect you for it
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