A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend who I live with in his parents house is broke and has bad economical habits. I don’t know what happened both times I’ve had a relationship The boyfriend who I ended up with turned to be a loser. What I liked about my ex is that he was a dj and a lot of people from here digged his music so I had a great social life involved with arts. He chased me until I started dating him and then six months in after the first date I was pregnant, my first daughter at 17. Then after a year with him things turned gross we did nothing but partied, he became obese, his hobbie was eat eat eat . All the money went to expensive food. I started eating because that is all he would take me out to do. Not to put it long I became obese too, my self esteem was really lower than ever. Then one day he was broke. I decided I would save some money and be really heathy eating only greens and detox teas. Worked out wonderful I lost all the fat and was back in shape. My ex was turned into a monster, I couldn’t recongnize him, he was really angry all the time, like unbereable, yelled at me for nothing, grumpy (maybe coz he was broke but never really did anything more than throw the money on his Fast food addiction) then I started an affair that’s the sad truth, I just wanted his controlling ass off my back (he thought of me as a dog,” do this trick and I’ll buy you makeup “) sex was a chore, I really hated him and wanted him off my life but because of our baby he thought I was his property , he always made me feel like I’m a piece of sh*t and he was a poor perfect boyfriend who bought me lipstick ( I worked as a makeup artist ) then I started making more money and that’s when he was upset. He abandoned me so I would fail my makeup appointments and his friend was there to save me. Whe fell in love, the breakup was tough. I lost my major contact on makeup appointments for a millionare’s model agency where most my income was. I started spending all my money with this guy. I wanted this relationship to be only dating because I was not ready to start a new one and this guy is broke, I payed 90% of the dates. He was always like I’ll pay you back, I do get money . Yeah, right. . Then he insisted on moving more seriously and dude I was pregnant by accident of the pill. I wanted to abort but I didn’t have the chance because its illegal here and no money no one support me in this decision. I insisted on staying in eachothers house but no, he wanted me to move in and his parents said that I move in so everyone insisted and I did. My unemployed dad took over my room and now I live with boyfriend (and my kids) for a year and months. Everything is a mess , I clean but the baby doesn’t give me time for almost anything, getting my other girl for school on time almost never happens and this boyfriend is like other kid you know. Spends every penny eating out (he was not like that before) then every morning he wakes up later than late to work and asks me for money to get a cab, then a cab to be back I pay for that too. I’m his bank, and I take the bus to go to school! He is super conceited and never wants to save money, when he has money he starts thinking about what expensive food we can get, and now since it wss my birthday and he spent $150 he wants to make me believe that my birthday made him broke. And I’ve been paying for the dates again for the past month. (I work as a model now but money has been relly tight because I changed my hair color) He is making me more and more broke. He doesn’t get that as a model I need maintenance,hair,skincare,manicure. He doesn’t get is all he wants is eat eat eat . He is fat now. MAN WHAT Is going on here!!! I don’t even enjoy eating all that sh*t and i’ve told him and he says it’s what couples do and how we bond together. He used to be so skinny when he was broke alone. Now I happen to be poor and he is fat. I’m still skinny because I prefer healthy food.. but he denies the salads the fruits all he wants is burguers. Now he got sick and didn’t care what the doctor said about his health! He keeps eating bad. He says is my fault because I don’t cook but we cook together and it’s fine but he does’t like what I make. Help me what would you do? I did break up with him but sadly I don’t have a home and no money. He is really inmature he promised to change and today he wakes up and says I’m late give me money and I’m like.... here’s my card because I don’t want to be the bad guy bit seriously it pisses me off and he says I’ selfish but DUDE will he ever change and how can I save our economy? i can’t go further with my makeup artist carreer and model career because this guy I don’t have money to invest. Savings he makes me spend it all and lives in a fantasy where he is the one who maintains me, he believes that ! . I feel bad that one thing my ex did that my current boy does not do is support my makeup artist career(with cash) and it kills me. He sometimes sends me money for his kid and this boyfriend wants me to spend that money for his needs !! I don’t get how this boy like my ex became fat, lazy, selfish and grumpy. I’m not perfect either but I feel like they abuse me and I deserve better I mean Im only 23 and have to support three people.
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affair, fell in love, money, my ex, self esteem, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2018): Erm- if you can prove he's the father they HAVE to pay child support, do get government help by by law they must pay some money towards you for your child. Lady they are the ones that should be giving you money nit the other way round! Grow a pair stand up for yourself and start acting responsibly for your kids- always use protection and take the emergency pill if there's ever any doubt if it's worked- and make sure they pay you what they owe dont let them get away with it
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2018): Thank you so, so , so much WiseOwlE , your advice really helped me, you have me in tears. That’s for sure what I need to do and what I am going to. God bless you I hope he listens to my prayers. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2018): You will first have to establish some financial independence. If you can't get a job in modeling or make-up; then you will have to take whatever honest work you can find. If you are going back to school, hang-on to that; but try and arrange your class schedules not to conflict with work or family-time.
You may even have to apply for government-assistance or social services to make sure your children always have food and shelter.
Everyone is suffering from a few bad choices you/we have made in our youth. You're going to have to either get on birth-control; or insist on always using condoms. You don't need to add anymore men to your life for the time being. That's been your downfall thus far. Get your life in order!
If you make babies for every guy you sleep with; you imprison yourself with that guy for the rest of your life. You're bound by his child; whom he has legal-rights to see.
Which also gives him opportunity to mess with YOU!
It's time you also get your legal ducks in a row, to get court-mandated child-support. That's all you need from these two men. Don't sit there living with them, all the while complaining. Set your goal to get out of their homes, out of poverty, and to give your children a stable and happy home environment.
You are too dependent on having men in your life, and you have unprotected-sex. You don't take precautions to avoid unplanned pregnancy; which locks you into relationships with guys you no longer want to be with. Just because a guy pursues you, doesn't mean you have to give into his pursuits. As you've learned at a very young age; it leads to early-motherhood, and being pulled-down by losers.
It's a New Year. Be realistic, there is no immediate or overnight-solution. This will take planning, time, and commitment. You did succeed temporarily with modeling and makeup artistry; but you have to work. So seek job-placement services or agencies that will place you, if only temporarily. Choices are limited seeking it without help.
Set the goal first to secure gainful-employment; meanwhile set the wheels turning to get child-support. If you are enrolled in an educational-program, stick with it. Monies for support can be sent directly to your account. You do not have to face these men and endure their manipulations.
Take a stance and stop being pushed around by boyfriends. You have to be a lioness; because sooner or later you'll have to live on your own. You will be the sole-support of your kids. Don't give unemployed grown-men your bankcard!!! Your father will have to fend for himself; because your children are your top-priority. He and your ex-boyfriends are nothing but crabs in a bushel-basket. They'll grab-on every-time you try to pull yourself out.
Search online for women's support-groups; because you need counseling from a woman's-perspective, and you need to talk to other women in the same plight for their advice and inspiration. You apparently didn't have the benefit of parental-guidance or positive role-models; if you got impregnated at 17. You mention nothing of a mother, siblings, or grandparents. No uncles, or aunts? Just an unemployed father. Who passed down a family-curse of poverty.
You can find pro bono legal-services by searching online; so you can initiate child-support payments; and seek legal-advice to control full-custody of your children. Your exes will use your children as their way to get at you and to keep pulling you down.
They don't want to see you rise to success and independence; so you have to build a wall of protection around yourself and the kids. Legally, you cannot deny you exes their paternal-rights; but you can restrict their access and control any time spent with them. They don't sound like they're of much use as far as co-parenting; so it appears it's all on you.
I have to be straight with you. There are no shortcuts or easy answers to your problem. It's a matter of commitment, perseverance, belief in yourself...but don't leave out turning to your spiritual-beliefs and prayer. Use every resource you have at your disposal; and by the end of this year, you will see the changes, and feel your freedom.
May God guide and protect you on your journey and mission, sweet child! May He bless you and your kids in the New Year!
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