A
male
age
26-29,
Gar
writes:I love my girlfriend very much and we have a really good relationship. Recently i have been wanting to propose and i have brought a ring. As is natural i guess, since then i have found myself questioning lots of things to make sure it is the right decision.Please don't tell me i'm a horrible person, I am a very good person, though this does make me feel like a bad one. I am very good to my girlfriend and treat her well, with lots of love and respect, always looking after her, and never want to hurt her. But the thing is..... one of the things i've found myself questioning is that there's a part of her appearance that i'm not always fond of, her breasts. To be completely honest they are saggy for her age (22) and she is doesn't like them. I know i know, its incredibly shallow and i'm a horrible person, but i'm just being completely and utterly honest. I worry that this could be a problem for me in the future, and i wish it just wasn't and i could marry her and be happy. We are great together and i do love her, but this has got me down lately. I'm just finding that i'm being honest with myself about everything as i'm thinking about spending my life with her. Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Hey Again,
I think the advice here is good news, mostly everyone is advising you to wait a while, as you don't sound ready.
When you're ready, you won't have the misgivings anymore!
Good news! xx
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 What most of us are saying is just put the whole marriage thing on the back burner for the moment. There's no rush. Just relax and enjoy yourselves. How's that for good news?
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A
male
reader, Gar +, writes (4 June 2008):
Gar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo i'm not having a laugh actually, it's all real. Isn't there any body with some good news? :(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): C'mon Gar, you're having a laugh with us, aren't you?
First saggy tits, then alopecia/ drawn-on eyebrows - what next - a wooden leg? Harelip? Cross-eyes?
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A
female
reader, lexilou + ♥, writes (4 June 2008):
 I think you are just not ready for this commitment yet if you are letting something silly like her saggy boobs get in the way of proposing. Hey she can always have a boob job in the future if she's not happy with them too but if they bother you that much either have sex with the light off or decide if you love her enough to not take any notice. Most of us have one thing we dont like about ourselves or our partner but the whole point of love is that you accept them wholly, saggy boobs and all x
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A
female
reader, Justmealone +, writes (4 June 2008):
If you're already unhappy with her appearance at this stage, then you'll be totally devastated after babies, life, etc !
So I say, no don't commit to her, or anyone, until you know honestly that you can love her no matter what happens or what she looks like.
Most men look at what the world says is ok and normal, but that's not right. Remember it's all fake, air brushed and made to look perfect, when in all reality, it's far from perfect and even though perfections will fade with time and life.
Don't forget also that your body will go through changes too and may change to something that she doesn't care for either, but her love for you will make her over look that.
And yes in time and with gravity, all breast will sag, just some won't sag as long, but they will all sag and got flatter. It's natural and how God made us. We can't all come out looking like babies and die looking like babies, now can we? We go through changes everyday, we age, etc.. That's how the human body is made... even flowers are made to go through changes. It's natural.
If you can't love her for who and what she is, then no, she deserves better.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (4 June 2008):
 I don't think that's shallow at your age but I also think you may not be ready to get married and the lifelong commitment that you are about to make. If you don't consider her perfect the way she is already, you are in for a rude awakening and misery trying to adapt to the changes in her body as she ages and bears your children. When you fall in love in a mature way, it has little to do with certain body parts. Maybe she is the one for you and it's just not the right time and as you both grow and mature you will find you have a different perspective. Right now, the perspective you have on this going in to marriage may set you up for a lot of disappointment. When I was your age, I was put off by these things too in guys- like if they were slightly overweight or their hands were too small- I would get anxious about it and focus on that one feature and think they'd be perfect if it weren't for that one thing. Looking back, I know I wasn't a bad person for this but I had an immature outlook and it took time to naturally mature and now those things don't matter AT ALL. I'm glad I took that time because it was less about superficiality and more about not being ready for commitment. Some men are still like this in their 30's and 40's and when I see it, I steer away from them, not because I think they are shallow, but because I know they are not open or ready to experience what love really means. At your age, you have a reasonable expectation of having a girl whose body reflects her age but I also think it's really not about her breasts, that's just a projection of your uncertainty. I think you'd be doing yourself and her a disservice if you married so it's best to wait.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 June 2008):
If you really love her, it would not matter whether her boobs are saggy , small or none at all.
If it matters, then your love for her is only skin deep.
Examine yourself if you are really in love with her for who
she is or you are only seeking for a nice pair of tits .
She has natural breast and not those faked ones.
If you want to see what natural breasts looks like ,
follow this link;-http://www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/br_image.htm
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A
male
reader, Gar +, writes (4 June 2008):
Gar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly i wanted to say that i didn't put that title for the question, i wanted something more respectful. I felt bad for even putting the question.
So many people seem to think i don't love her. I don't believe that.
I don't usually have a problem with her breats, it was just that i have been really thinking about everything lately with the proposal in mind, and last night i thought it and it scared me basically. I should probally point out that i'm an anxious person anyway and have had panic attacks for a long time and i tend to overly worry about things! Blow things out of proportion. And this also scared me for the reason that i am totally honest and can never keep things from her, but really really didn't want to hurt her.
I don't believe i am shallow. Something else i haven't mentioned........ my girlfriend has alopecia. She has had it since she was 7 and it is likely to always be with her. She doesnt have much hair, only little tufts spread around, and she has to draw her eyebrows etc and normally wears a wig. This is obviously something else that affects her, and i can with 100% confidence state that i have never had a problem with it and found her beautiful. I encouraged her to show me when we were first together and i have always been very supportive etc and helped her to grow in confidence about it. She never ever feels worried about it with me, never covers up, never even thinks about it any more, because i have helped her to see it is part of her i love and told her thats how i want to see her, as she really is etc. It's never mentioned any more, which is as it should be.
I'm not trying to sing my praises or anything, only pointing out that i'm not shallow and it makes the breast thing more confusing for me. Basically i wondered if it was just fear about a thought i had, because i'm examining everything, or something more serious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Trust me after kids and with age they will get much saggier - if you love her it shouldn't matter. In the real world everything is not perky.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): A thought... if you can imagine your girlfriend with grey hair, no teeth, wrinkled, yes and very saggy breasts and know in your heart that you will love her regardless of how she looks, then yes, propose to her. However if her saggy breasts are putting you off then there must be some deeper issues that need examining. Have you discussed cosmetic surgery with her if she is also unhappy with her breasts? Otherwise, put the ring away for a couple of months and re-examine your relationship and your feelings towards your girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (4 June 2008):
 Your not a bad person, your not shallow, but you do not love this girl the way you think you do.
When you meet the right woman, her saggy breast, her funny legs, everything about her that people think strange you will find cute and adorable. You need to back off and put a hold on the wedding/engagement. If you marry her, this will probably make you more and more unhappy and become a real issue in your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Most of us girls are saggy if we are big busted,i am!Look nobody is perfect,if you truly love her then this little issue wouldn't bother you,im sure there is things about your body that she don't like,when you are in love with someone all those little niggles you don't look twice at.
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A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (4 June 2008):
Hi There,
It seems to me you are having a lot of misgivings about proposing, so my advice would be to wait.
There's plenty of time Sweetie, why not put the ring away somewhere for 6 months or so and then see how you feel after that.
It's such a big decision that aif you have any doubts at all, however silly or small they may seem, then I think it means you're not quite ready.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, taina1980 + ♥, writes (4 June 2008):
I think personally that your doubts about purposing may be deeper than just "saggy breasts"... if you are having any doubts I believe you shouldn't ask her to marry you because in my opinion, you are not ready... the fact that she has aproblem with he breasts is so unfortunate but instead joining her pity part you should be making her feel good about herself.. your not a bad person just a superficial on & that is not love @ all...
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A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (4 June 2008):
 People talk about perfect bodies...There are none, but there are perfect hearts, and one that's perfect for you. If you are really in love with her, ask her. If you don't and walk away, can you guarantee you'll be able to find someone to get along with as well as you do with her, but with raised breast.
What if you we're married. I thought of this from what my cousin went through. She had breast cancer and had both of them removed. She and her husband are still married and very much in love. If something like that happened, would your love for her survive the physical, or would that be an issue to you?
True love is a connection of your hearts and surpasses the physical being. It can be the most magical experience, but you have to open yourself up too allowing without any judgement.
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