A
female
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anonymous
writes:hello im 19 and i am with a 40 year old ive been with him 11 months his my best friend as well as boyfriend. now i know you all find the 21 year age gap disgusting, but am i right to think as long as im happy and he treats me right sod what anyone else thinks? resently he keeps asking me to marry him and i want to, but im scared of what people will say. He saved my life i was raped at the age of 10 by my grandad and suffered to trust and love anyone until i was 17 thats when i met my boyfriend if it was 4 him id have no life. do you think i should marry him?
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male
reader, kjoe +, writes (17 November 2006):
Make sure that you are not confusing your loyalty towards him, because he saved you from a horrible situation when you were young, with true love. These are different kinds of love. You don't want to confuse appreciation with true love. I don't think that you have given yourself the opportunity to see what the world has to offer and what relationships are all about.
At 19, you really have to determine what you want out of life and what are your aspirations. Do you see this man as part of it? You just might outgrow him as you mature. I am sure that no matter what your choice ends up being, this man will always hold a special place in your heart. You have to determine "where" that special place is...Is it living your life with him or is it living your life apart from him with him in your heart?
A
female
reader, Arabyesque +, writes (17 November 2006):
The age difference isn't really your problem.
You're nineteen! Even if you were getting married to another 19-year-old, you'd still be FAR too young. You seem like you're barely out of high school. Have you gone to college, university? Have you ever had a relationship with someone your own age? Do you know what you want to do with your life? Are you able to support yourself financially or are you relying on him as a father-figure more than as a boyfriend? Will you be revolted by the idea of having sex with a 50-year-old man or a 60-year old man? Are you willing to have children RIGHT NOW?-- because otherwise, your husband will be in his 60s by the time his kids are in school!
You've only been dating for two years. If you've found the love of your life, good for you. But STILL, wait a while-- keep dating, have a long engagement or something. He's old enough to be your father, but good for you if that doesn't bug you. There's a whole world of difference between 19 and 25, and if you and your boyfriend don't have the patience to wait until you grow up a little, then it is NOT a sincere relationship!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): nah it doesnt digust me! you do what you want to do girl ^-^ its your life and no-one can control it!
x
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A
male
reader, mani +, writes (19 June 2006):
i was in a relationship with a women who was 21 years older than me, if you love him then you shouldn't worry what anyone else thinks but have you thought about the future, you may want children. i found there were many obstacles because of the age gap and sometimes love on it its own isn't enough. just have a think about where you see yourself in 10 -15 yrs time. goodluck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): A friend of mine at uni married the father of one of our other friends. SHe was 23, he was in his early 60's. We all did a bit of a "double-take", but then thought OK - go for it. We didn't think it would work though. 20 years later, they are still blissfully married and quite a few of the rest of us are divorced! It can work very well BUT, you need time to grow into the relationship before rushing into the marriage.
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (7 June 2006):
 I am in a relationship myself with a younger female, so I know it can work out.
I think if you both love each other enough, then age is not an issue.
People on the outside may frown, but it has nothing to do with anybody but the 2 people involved.
I say go for it, marry the guy.
Just be sure it is what you really want before deciding anything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): I have to quote you on something,you said ...... now i know you all find the 21 year age gap disgusting, but am i right to think as long as im happy and he treats me right sod what anyone else thinks?........ I agree with what you said i think the same age is only a number and if you are both happy and he treats you right age shouldnt come in to it. But then you went on to say.... resently he keeps asking me to marry him and i want to, but im scared of what people will say...... Why should you be worried at what other people might think if you are comfortable with him. If i was in your shoes i would wait a while or if you are certain he is the one for you have a long engagement and see how you feel down the line and if you feel the same go for it.
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