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I want to make my sex life more exciting, but I don't know how to make it happen!

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Question - (15 July 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *bonyBlossom writes:

Last night we were playing I Have Never at a friend's barbeque. Myself and my boyfriend joined in the game. It was a bit upsetting because, even though I already knew most of my boyfriend's sexual history and experiences, it's never something a girl likes to hear. And I soon discovered throughout the game that, as far as sex goes, I haven't lived. I haven't done anything exciting or daring or dangerous. The only places I have had sex were in my own house, the house of the person I was dating at the time (and I've only had sex with two people), and in a tent. I felt a bit embarrassed that people found out how inexperienced I am. I was the only person there who had never had sex in a car! I was also embarrassed that people had found out that my boyfriend had had sex in all these cool interesting places, but none of them were with me. This really upset me because it made me worry that he didn't want to do it anywhere interesting with me =[ He's had sex on the beach, in public toilets, even at college! I've never done anything like that =[ We don't have sex very often, we can often go up to nearly a fortnight without sex. I talked to him about how I felt this morning about not getting out much, and he said that at the party he didn't want to play the game and give away his colourful sexual history, but people dragged him in (including myself, stupidly.) And he says it isn't because he doesn't want to do it in interesting places with me, but for some reason it just hasn't happened yet. And he assured me that we have the rest of our lives together to do it. I know he loves me an awful lot and I'm equally besotted with him. However we've been together for over a year, and I'm his second longest relationship out of several, and still nothing exciting has happened! We came to the conclusion that when we're together, we just don't get out much. The only place we ever seem to go is a place up the city where we all hang out in a big group. And for my reputation's sake, I do NOT want to have sex there! We started going out at the beginning of last summer, so when the weather was nice, we were still getting used to being together. Thing is, how do I make it happen? How do we go out somewhere interesting and just do it? Where do we go? Will he be annoyed if he finds out I just want to go there to have sex? Or if we go out somewhere nice to be together, will the sex just happen? Or perhaps I have been more adventurous than I realised... This summer has just started and it's the best opportunity for me to get out more, but I just don't know how to make it happen =[

View related questions: sex life, sexual past

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (15 July 2010):

dirtball agony auntMaybe, if you want it to happen. My take on this is that he isn't a sexual prude, and would likely welcome sexual advances from you. I'm personally very turned on by a woman who knows what she wants. Since you're together, it won't sound desparate to tell him you want him to boink your brains out. He might be confused though, since I sense this is likely out of character for you. You may have to tell him you want to spice things up. Make sure he knows you're happy, but thinking there is still a lot that you have yet to experience, and you want to experience it with him.

One thing to be ready for, if you do try the sex in public thing, be prepared to let your inhibitions go. You can't care if people are going to see you. The more worried about that kind of thing you are, the less you'll be able to enjoy the experience (unless that really turns you on). You have to let yourself truely be in the moment where there is nothing outside the two of you.

For what it's worth, I'd avoid sex on the beach. Sand gets everywhere. It looks romantic in the movies, but in real life, it usually is a messy fail (at least in my experience. At bare minimum, bring a blanket to decrease the sand intake. ;)

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A female reader, EbonyBlossom United Kingdom +, writes (15 July 2010):

EbonyBlossom is verified as being by the original poster of the question

EbonyBlossom agony auntWe're hopefully going for a beach picnic on sunday night. And I'm not seeing him on the saturday and it'll be the first time I've gone a whole day without seeing him since God knows how long. Maybe then...?

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (15 July 2010):

dirtball agony auntOk, time to take a deep breath. The thing about "exciting" sex is that it is usually spontaneous. I know that whenever I've had sex in public places, we never went there with the intention of having sex (or very rarely did). Something happened that triggered our horniness.

The other thing to consider are your options. Part of the reason I've had sex in a car, or at a park is because I didn't have my own place and neither did my gf, so rather than try at our parents houses (god that seems so long ago) the back seat was our best option. Or some secluded picnic table, or a lockable restroom... Since I've gotten older, location sex is something that I only partake in if my gf wants to, and most don't. Why bother. Doesn't mean I won't rip her cloths off in the kitchen or something though.

My advice is to try something exciting. Maybe plan a day trip to the countryside and give him a hand job on the way. Get him fired up and you may have to pull over for some back seat lovin'!

Ultimately, this is something that you can choose to make happen. It usually doesn't take a lot to get a man arroused. A simple provocative whisper in the ear can get me standing at attention. A hand on the thigh, slowly creaping up my leg... Innocent but oh so sexy.

Good luck, and remember, it is a lot easier than you think, just make it happen!

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A female reader, Blondiebrooke69 United States +, writes (15 July 2010):

Just calm down it'll happen when u least expect it ..or heck initiate it urself tell him ur big fantasies of getting dirty on the beach or in the back seat of his car. Good luck!

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