A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I am in a bit of a situation with this guy. I met him in a student bar and we hit it off. We had a bit to drink and ended up making out throughout the night. After this, we ended up exchanging numbers. He text me last week asking to meet but I have moved from my college in Boston back home to Queens, so there is a bit of distance between us. I told him that I could not meet up with him as I have moved back home, so we spoke some more and I said I would happily meet him somewhere in-between. He then said he would come down and meet me for a date but here is the problem. Whenever he texts me he asks how I am and makes flirty and polite conversation, but then when he talks about meeting me he has suggested that maybe we should rent a hotel or that even he can stay the night with me at my place (he has not said share a bed or anything but I am assuming).I like him, and I would not mind going on a date with him, and taking it slow, but I want to make it clear that I am not going to sleep with him on a first date. Just because we made out in a club does not mean I am going to jump into bed with him. Is there any way I can kindly say this, without making him feel inadequate? Or if he has marked my cards as a easy girl, how do I cut him off? Thanks’ so Much Cupids ?
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female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (29 June 2013):
 I think Jonas said it best.This dude definitely has a particular expectation of what will go down should you two meet again. You can be honest with him about what your limitations are, but don't be surprised if he tries to sway you in a different direction or loses interest in you altogether.But maybe we need to give him the benefit of the doubt. The fact he's willing to travel the distance (Boston to NYC is like a four hour train ride!), says something for sure. He either really liked you or he's really, really desperate for that good lovin'.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): OP it would be pointless saying it to him because actions speak louder than words.
The practicality of the distance here means you are going to spend the night together most likely and you saying sex is not going to happen does not mean it's actually not going to.
First off OP you only met this guy once, to suggest a date where he spends the night in your place or together in a hotel is exceptionally risky in terms of safety for one thing and his intentions are more than clear too.
Frankly OP I don't pay any attention to women who say they won't sleep with me on the first date when the practicalities of the situation dictate we're going to be together over night, if we end up alone together then I'm going for it and a good 90% of the time I've done that they "got caught up in the moment". The same as when you ended up mauling the face off the guy for the evening in a bar after only barely meeting him.
You see the only 100% sure fire way of ensuring no sex on the first date is to have a public date and then part straight after. You're hardly going to do that to a guy who has travelled a long way to see you, you'd probably feel too bad. So tell him what you like OP, he'll probably go for it anyway and everything in my mind points to him being successful too. You're not exactly going to the end the night early if he goes to all the trouble of travelling down to you, you're already pretty open to making out in public with a stranger, so tell yourself you won't all you like but in the heat of the moment alone with this guy anything can happen. It doesn't make you easy or anything like that. It's just how it generally goes especially with a guy who is making it very clear what his intentions are.
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A
male
reader, mkateko  +, writes (29 June 2013):
Make your point clear to him, tell him how you want it to be done. Being with him on bed at a first date it give a bad impression, he might not have any problem on the day as is what will make him happy. At a long run he might run away from you thinking that you are an easy target. So try not to be fooled, he can come, he can rent the hotel for him to be accommodates him self not for you to spent a night we him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 June 2013):
 he's dropping the hints for sure... just say to him "I really like you but I want to make it clear that I need to get to know you more before anything physical would happen between us and I want to make sure you are on the same page as I am."
probably he will disappear but it's better to know this before you get more involved and hurt.
I can't see how you not wanting to have sex with him would make HIM feel inadequate.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (29 June 2013):
 Just be straight with him, tell him your not the kind of girl to have sex on a first date, then see how he reacts, if he was just after some sex then he'll probably back off, if he still wants to meet you then great, he might still try though
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