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I want to know if my girlfriend's actions are normal, or if I am over reacting

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Long distance, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 June 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 11 June 2015)
A male United Arab Emirates age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So i have been in a relationship for 8 years with this girl who is now heading to another country for her post graduate.

She is super excited but is also acting super weird about it.

She started stalking guys who will be in her batch, and tells me on the phone that she found a really cute guy in her batch.

I was fine till she said that much...

But then she said this - "Oh damn but hes not single"

Wait hold on, WHAT ? what the heck does that even mean ?

why on earth would she say such a thing ? It truly hurt me.

I told her clearly that saying such a thing hurt me.

She wasn't sorry or anything. I just hung up and slept off.

Next day, I try to forget about what she said and met up for dinner. i was randomly going through her fone when I came across a audio message sent on whatsapp through our common friend(a girl).

She then started snatching the phone which made me suspicious and I went through her older messages(which I never ever do usually)

....she discussed the exact same things about the "cute guy" again, also including the part which said "BUT hes not single"..

Now that really pissed me off and things have become really ugly. Is my reaction normal or am I over reacting ?

View related questions: stalking

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you everybody for the replies and suggestions ! I REALLY appreciate it.

Honestly I don't think her main motive of her looking at cute guys was to find someone to mess around with or date with...But her saying that still hurt me.

According to her, she considers me as her best friend first. So for her to talk about all this is "fine".

I respect that, but saying shit like hes single was unnecessary.

I find it really immature for her to discuss the same thing again and use the same ditto words even after i got super annoyed.

Is it fine for her say that to her friend as she didn't speak to me about it again??

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (5 June 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntYou've been with this girl since you were 14 or 17 or somewhere in that age range?

I'm thinking that what you're experiencing is the end of the relationship. Yes, it's not a very adult or mature way for it to end but as you were young teenagers when you got together she may not have had the chance to mature past that age range.

I would let her go experience life in her post grad and tell her that it's time for you two to try being single for a while. If she says 'no no no, I can't do that!' you may have a chance that this teenage love becomes something that lasts a lifetime. If she brightly says, 'thanks!' then I think you need to accept that your 8 year relationship may have run its course.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 June 2015):

Honeypie agony auntSounds like she think she is going to be single when going of to study. Talking to you about another guy who is cute? but DAMN he isn't single? And you didn't tell her straight up that it was MESSED up thing for her to say?

What would I do? Well, if it had been a BF of mine doing this I would have asked if he wanted to be single.

You need to TALK to her without blowing up.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (4 June 2015):

Garbo agony auntIf you overreacted then it could be perhaps in how you expressed yourself but, in general, what she is doing is highly upsetting. The fact that she does not care about your concerns nor is doing anything to calm the situation down implies that she may have an agenda, perhaps sexual one, at this new university that does not involve you. I think she is looking beyond you and, I hate to say it, but there is nothing that you can do about it. In fact, if you were to do similar thing in any way, she will likely use it against you to break up. Sometimes girls do talk about "cute guys" and who is taken, but the fact that she picked off men out of her batch seems more than just a girl talk.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2015):

Well it sounds to me like she is looking to date other guys when she leaves your country to do her post graduate course. Don't you think? Otherwise why would she be hunting for single men there and not even be sorry?

It is natural that you are upset so you must talk to her about it in a reasoned way. Maybe she can't bring herself to end it with you but you must ask her outright if she's looking to finish your relationship. I can't think of another alternative.

Good luck :)

FTR I don't think it's OK to go through someone's phone unless they've given you permission.

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