| A ,
*abbie
writes: I don't really have a problem..(well i do, but thats a dif. story..lol) Anywho, I just want to know if there is anyone out there that is dating or married to someone with an age difference of over 15 years,and if so what makes it work and what dosent work, just basically looking for any advice you might be able to provide to people having trouble with an age difference problem. thank you for your time in advance. its greatly valued. Cheers,Tabbie Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley  +, writes (22 January 2010):
 Dont get us wrong we do like to add our input to this site but it is also nice to read other couples comments,problems ect(hint!)
Our Xmas went well with just the odd problem(family politics)which had nothing to do with an age gap relationship.
We had a very old fashioned Christmas in may ways with the traditional family meal on Christmas day itself.
On Boxing day we all go to the Pantomime (14 of us this year)a very British thing to do.Then its all out for an Indian meal in the evening.
Our age gap has not been a problem with our family for a while now. Infact i cant remember when it last was.
As many of you will know in the early days we had a rough time of it as many couples do but time is a wonderfull healer.
We are now in our 4th year of marriage and life is just great!!
So yes all the hurt in the early days are well worth the final outcome.
Love is so very strong............
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (16 December 2009):
Well just incase you had not noticed Christmas is almost upon us once more. It can be a very romantic and loving time of year for all couples but it can also be a very difficult time. Being apart from someone you love is never easy but at this time of year it can be hell. Age gap relationships are not really that different from any other type but if you have not come clean and been open with family members about your partner it is going to be almost impossible to be together as much as you would want.We look back at our first Christmas (2005)and although we were really only very good friends at this stage it was still difficult.Even being surrounded by family and friends if the person you want to see is not there then how can you be totally happy?There is always going to be some family member who will object or not like you choise in a partner. Even now after being together for four years and married for over three we still have family members who we have no contact with.But it is their choice just as it is ours to be together.So if you want to be together and happy in love sometimes you have to upset or even hurt someone else. But if they truly care about you and they can see you are happy and safe they will come round to understanding your relationship.Christmas is a very special time for everyone so be happy and show love and goodwill to all.Merry Christmas and a happy New year xxxxxxKayley and Phil xxxx
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (19 November 2009):
Things seem to be picking up here again. It has been a little quite of late as they say. Good to read about other people and their "relationships"..lolOk each to their own and a "sort of" relationship to us is called an affair.We like many out there started off as good friends and our "relationship" happened a little later. Ok maybe not that much later.(big smile)but with did get a push from a few people who infact tried to stop our friendship but ended up pushing us closer together. (a big thanks to them..lol)We still blog on MSN and good old Google still has us. just type Kayley and Phil and there we are.Why people have such great problems with age gap relationships we still find strange (legal age wise)But there is and always will be some narrow minded shit who does not like something about someone...lolIt makes life interesting and if we all thought the same the world would be a boring place.Perhaps they are jellous how happy we are for we are very very very happy and so much in love. x x x x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): hi i am sort of in a relastionship with a guy whos 22 and im 37. only been seein him a few weeks, and its hush hush because hes quite friendly with my daughter, who wud mad if she knew. the problem iv got is we both agreed it was just sex, fantastic at that lol. but im fidin myself really warmin 2 this guy. shud i end it or carry on as it is and hope i dnt get hurt. we do really av fun. any advice please.
...............................
A
female
reader, Brumbird  +, writes (11 November 2009):
I am happily married to my husband of 31 years my senior for 14 years now - we have been together for 20 years!I was 19 when i met him - he was 50! When we first met, yes it was an issue. We had to deal with a lot of ageist comments, and my family were not so accepting. To be expected i suppose. I was a issue for me at the beginning, with some of my friends i was embarassed - but it felt 'right' to me.I wouldn't say its been easy, but like any other relationship we have had to work at it. I am exremely happy, i have everything i wanted out of life - apart from the lottery win, i'm still waiting for that one!We talk, about everything - and i think if every couple can talk and share thoughts and emotions, it is good for their relationship. We have a great sex life (can't believe i'm sharing this!) We are good together - and are age gap relationship works for us. The only negative thing about our relationship is older men are very insecure. I do know other people in age gap relationships and for some it hasn't worked. Just depends on the people.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (18 August 2009):
Hi guys not posted for a while(yet again..sorry!)
We have been getting on with life. Having loads of fun and just loving each other. A few days ago it was the forth"first date out as friends" anniversary. As we have said before we are best friends as well as man and wife.
The 32 year (and 3 month)age gap still sneeks up on us sometimes..lol But less and less as time goes by.We always have a laugh about and it and its normally either something Kayley has no idea about or Phil has lagged a little behind with his knowledge of technology. (see it does happen both ways)
As we have always said if you respect,love and cherish your partner there is no age gap.
Be happy people...we are thats for sure!!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): Hello there. I am nearly sixty and my partner is barely thirty-four - as extreme an 'age-gap' relationship as you are likely to encounter I would dare to say. We get along. We are very good friends and have made various adjustments to stay together. We have a good sex life. I was married before and the relationship lasted a good while, but ended. It seems that every relationship is doomed to end, either prematurely like mine did, or naturally, by death. The trick is to learn to enjoy a relationship for the time that it is alive and well - we are doing just that.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): I've dated ladies younger and much younger than myself and each relationship worked just fine because we sat down and talked openly about what we expected out of the relationship, in addition when it came to the subject of marriage we both agreed to discuss it with our families to get their input, my two adult children didn't have a problem with it they stated that all they wanted is for me to be happy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Hi.Well, I've finally bitten the bullet and am starting to 'come out' as somebody who is with my partner in life, in whatever form it exists, because we are happy. He is 53 and I am 24. We've been in love, openly with each other, for two years. Though we both agree that it began to change into what it is 5 years ago. It is non conventional and that has meant that until recently, it's been something we've tried to fight against to keep it as 'friendship'! We've actually known each other for 9 years, and met through the internet. Initially, my circumstances brought us into contact that was purely advisory to begin with. The relationship has been unintentional, neither of us realised where it was going before we realised it was there. He became a big part of my life from 18 onwards. It wasn't until I was 19, when I went to university near him, that the relationship developed into something very equal and mutual (and platonic) where I felt I became a part of his life too. It changed to face to face, and it was simply about him showing me the area to begin with. But also two people grew to know each other as people over the phone and then in person and I suppose inevitably we became close friends. We had and have fun, talked and talk a lot, got and get on really well, have the same sense of humour, interests. And even better than that, what we don't have in common we love about each other. We joke about our age gap and the differences in our generational knowledge! We learn from each other, and are an amazing team. We bicker, but don't argue. And he has as many immature tantrums as me! The age speaks of nothing when it comes to who we are and how we relate.I guess it just took off emotionally into something that we defined as soul mates, until recently when it became sexual. We grew In Love without fully realising. Other people noticed before we would acknowledge it to each other even! I have recently just told three long term friends, and they weren't surprised and were supportive! I do however know that it won't be so easy for the rest of the world to accept. He has two grown up children, who are not far off my age, and this is something that is an issue. We are still mostly a closet-couple and undefined, just what we are, and we haven't yet worked out how we are going to handle the future exactly. It is mostly me who is worried about being openly together and I'm very aware of the challenges it would bring us as a couple, him personally and me personally; and how it might affect who we have in our lives. We both want to have children but this will depend on whether I completely commit or not. It will come with time, as it has developed that way, and at the moment this is how I plan to take it. We are very open with each other and I am often airing my worries about finding the thought of his death unbearable and wondering if it is better to not delve into this and keep my distance because of that - Or if it is better to have loved and lost. All we know is we never tire of being around each other, and can be completely ourselves and love each other. Years on, I expected it would fizzle out, that I was just looking for a male role model or something. But it just keeps on growing! The rest is yet to be worked out. Either way we will be in each others lives until the end and that is never going to change, whatever.
...............................
A
female
reader, wondergrl  +, writes (30 June 2009):
I really enjoy reading all the answers to this question because I too am in a relationship with a man who's 37, and i'm 21. I'm very much in love with him and he is very much in love with me, but I can't get over my worries about what life would be like as we age, me growing older as he grows elderly. To me 55 and 71 seems like it would not be easy. If there are older couples out there with an age gap of more than 15 years, i'd really like to hear your experiences. Thank you everyone!
- A wondering girl
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): I met my partner on holiday just over three years ago when I was 18 and he was 43... I am now 21 and he is 46... not only have we sustained a holiday romance, we have also overcome inhabitions of having an age gap relationship. I can only speak of my own experience, and it is and continues to be the greatest experience of my life. As with any relationships there will always be ups and downs, things you totally agree on and things you don't... its healthy and normal, its just how you go about working these things out that matter. We always think along the lines of, if people feel the need to comment or think negatively about a relationship like ours, then they must be lacking something in their lives and will probably never ever get to experience a love like ours because they are so blinkered and unable to love themselves or others.
Yes, it makes life a hell of a lot easier if your friends and family accept your partner, no matter who they are, however, we are lucky enough to have a great social circle of people who see us for exactly that...people...not numbers! We are palnning on moving in together and getting married... and I can't wait! you only get one life and theres no going back... if you think that you have found the 'one' no matter what shape or form they copme in you would be a fool to let them go and slip through your hands! Are motto has and always will be... at the end of the day... SCREW WHAT SOCIETY THINKS... xxx love and be loved xxx
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (4 June 2009):
It's been a while since we last wrote anything in here. No real reason just didnt feel we needed to.This year we will have been married for 3 year's in October.Our 32 year agegap seem's to shrink as time goes by. We are still very much in love and best friend's.We have so much fun together and enjoy life.Ok we have had a few problem's in the past with other peoples attitude but time is infact a great healer (not for everyone we must add)We still even now have a few family members who we have no contact with at all(their choise)There is no secret to a successful agegap relationship as with any relationship infact.Love,respect and honesty is all it takes.A sence of humour and a zest for life are also quite usefull things to have.Be happy!!!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, silver2 +, writes (19 May 2009):
I am 30 and my partner is 57. I didn't intend to fall in love with a 57 year old man but we really hit it off and one thing led to another. I completely love him he has so much more soul, taste and class than any younger man have been with. I have not told all of my friends and none of my family know, which does put a strain on things. Ifeel conscious of peoples funny looks when we are out, we are of different ethnic backgrounds also. I really hope it works because we get on like a house on fire, I have a feeling we will overcome all of our obstacles and have a happy life together
...............................
A
female
reader, JustynaAndy +, writes (6 February 2009):
A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):We are now 50 and 18, that sounds scary! we wrote the above over a year ago and we are still together and even happier. We are planning a family...The comments from the couple with similar age gap gives us concern. As long as you are both 16 or over as you both are!! you have nothing to worry about. We left our town and friends behind to be together when she was 16. From time to time we miss old friends but we are happy together in our new life. Sure we had to confront the police, but as long as you are happy together and the youngest is safe, that is all that matters as far as they are concerned. You have nothing to worry about from the other family.We are in the process of starting an age gap website for like people to talk and maybe meet up for a drink. Let us know what you think.A and J
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (12 January 2009):
We are in total agreement with Anonymous male 7th Jan. At 17 you are at an age where you can within reason do what you want. However the magic age of 18 alter's thing's dramatically. Instantly you become an adult in the eyes of the law.(yeh right we know many at 21 who are far from grown up) But it does give you as a person far more credibility and makes life easyer in an age gap relationship.
There are people and family members out there who apparently like/loved you until they find out you are in an age relationship then it's just their fellings that count and you can go to hell as its what you deserve.
Strange but true ,for some reason your happiness no longer count's and their feelings is all that matters.
But time is a great healer and if they really do love you and can see how happy you are they do come round to excepting your relationship. If not it's their loss...lol
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): We read with interest the post by the 17 year old with the 48 year old. As the next person stated the social services were very supportive in the case he mentions and if it is the one I think the girl was 16 and the man was 49. All they were bothered about was that the girl knew her own mind and that the home was secure in terms of where they lived. Which it was!
Your Mum can get involve the police but there are 2 points that count
1. You are over 17 and the law states you can leave home at that age WITHOUT parental consent
2. Social services and the police therefore will not get involved
Our only advice is as follows and is based upon significant experience because we were that couple above.
1. Be sure in your heart and he in his it is both what you want because the road is difficult due to others.
2. The 'others' will fall into 2 camps. The majority will leave you well alone unless you look radically different from each other. But the other camp are those friends and family who will not accept it and will make your life a living hell with their judgement and sometimes appalling behaviour. You might have to be prepared to stop seeing them.
3. What seems great now will have to be able to stand the test of time and reality. For us we it worked because we believe love and trust in each other and no matter what is thrown at us we stay together. We also have the love and support of my children and some really excellent and lovely friends.
Last it does get better...age gap relationships are no different to any other. What people need to realise is that we all mature at different rates and that life experience can come at any time. Also that does not imply maturity in either the very old or young!
Good luck, if you want further help Kayley and Phil Nash are an excellent source of support and help and are genuinely really nice people so contact them as they are always posting on this site.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): In reply to "A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):
"
Yor Mom threatens to get the police involved..... and do what? Say what? As long as it's what you want, you're safe and happy, what's the problem. I know of a similar case where the parents involved social services, and they were very supportive to the young lady that was dating an older man.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): I am 17 and in a relationship with a 48 year old man. I love him more than anything. He cares for me, he has never pressured me into anything. Recently my mam found out and i have been banned from seeing him and she has threatened to get the police involved. She cant see that im old enough to make my own decision. Next year when im 18 i want to get with him properly and start a life together, What do people think??
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): I'm 46 and my friend of some years is 24. We will def get married and I'm very happy. Problems are... thought of kids as i Have three grown up ones aleady. We will have kids tho. That is the only down side. I've waited nearly two decades to be this "in Love" Good points about my friend. She is beautiful inside and out, we chat for hours and we love being closer than any couple I know.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): Im 16 and my boyfriend is 26. this is NOT a bit age gap... but of the very few people that know about it very few people are understanding. I know they just judge. Ive known him enough time now to know that he is what I want. I cant love anyone more than him- i just wish people coulld understand this.
My mum knows that I like him but not that we're together. I stopped telling her after she described it as a "day dream" and I dont know what to do now... tell her straight away or wait till I am 18 (just over a year away).. All i know is that breaking up from him is out of the question.
Please dont judge me because I am so young- I know my own mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): Hiya I've posted a response a few times I feel that it's only small minded people who see an age gap my boyfriend is 51 and I'm 27 we get some strange looks when were together I don't look at him and think 51 I look at him and see no age gap just that I love him x
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (26 November 2008):
OH YEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you SeriouslyStephanie for reminding us that there is hope for being in love and happy.
That age is just a number(as long as its legal)
and that being with someone you love is without doubt the most fantastic feeling in the whole world.
Watch this space...........lol
...............................
A
female
reader, SeriouslyStephanie +, writes (24 November 2008):
 I am 16 and have been in a relationship with my current partner for 7 months. He is 26. We get a lot of different reactions, but to be honest we believe that it is not the age that is the issue, it is the level of maturity. At first I thought he would get bored of me, and want someone his own age, however I have grown up a lot and got my head together since being with him and I can't imagine life without him now. My parents love him and he practically lives at my house at the moment.
I am a strong believer that it isn't the age, it is the people concerned and every case is different. You can't judge one relationship off another unless you actually physically know both parties involved.
I have been in 2 abusive relationships, both with people nearer to my own age, and now that I am with someone older than me, and more mature than the other guys I have been with I see a big difference and to be honest I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
It sounds like your relationship is ok, and I reckon if your happy, then what does age matter?
Hope this helps,
Stephanie.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (5 November 2008):
We just had to write to answer anonymous 4th November...lolTo be honest it's not really rocket science is it? If you dont like the relationship your in get out!!! Just dont blame it on an age gap. It sounds like someone has had a personality bypass or is in need of one.In all relationship's there is give and take. You need to find the happy ballance. If you love your parner this makes thing's easyer but if like you......it does not!!!Every relationship need's respect and understanding. If you dont have these then its doomed.Being best buds is a bonus......im lucky i got all that.xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): Hi, I’m 25 and have been with my 37yr old partner for a little over 2 years. I have never dated anyone substantially older than myself previously and have found a lot of benefits to dating a more mature man. My partner has never dated anyone as young me before but grew tired of being seen as a ‘potential father’ more than ‘potential partner.’ (Although I can understand women’s body clocks ticking and their getting a little worried about never having children.)
The 12-year age gap in our relationship has meant more compromise; sometimes I struggle with this and wish I had of thought about the age-gap before the relationship became serious. When to have children may become an issue as he would like to have his first child before 40 (fair enough) but I have 3 more years to become a child psychologist and am not prepared to quit yet after years of study.
I fear that as he ages (and loses more hair) I may lack physical attraction for him and it could become an issue. (But that could result in any relationship and at least I’ll always be the ‘younger woman’!)
We don’t have mutual friends – since being together we spend a lot more of our time together with family. I haven’t had any issue with family or friends accepting it however.
Unintentional comments from strangers can be a little annoying if you let it bother you, “and this must be your daughter…” etc
I think that I would prefer to be with a younger man – or really just that my current partner was a little younger.
...............................
A
female
reader, Layla1989 +, writes (29 October 2008):
hey. I am 19 years old and my "friend" is around 38-40. I like him and he seems to like me. About four months ago he asked if we could start dating and i said no. i said no to keep my parents and friends happy. everytime i bring the idea of him up in my home my parents freek out!!!!!!!!!! now i understand all they want is for me to be happy but what about my happiness am i going to go through my life pleasing them, and end up spending all my time thinking over my regrets???????!!!!!!
we haven't spoken in nearly four months and all i think about is him. i wake up at like 5AM. i walk around town wishing to see him but i have just seen him once and i was 50 minutes late for a lecture so i didn't stop!!!!! i just smiled and said hello. i know how stupid but i am!!!!!!!!!
and my fortune teller told me i have missed a good chance. i just dont know what to think, feel, say. i am sooooooooo confused!!!!!!
someone please help me to get back to talking terms with him and advise me on what to dooooooo!!!!!!!!!
much appriciated ;-)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): Hi
I am 23 years old, nearly 3 months ago i started lodging with this guy of 40 years old, i kind of knew from a friend. As soon as i moved in we 'clicked'. It took 2 weeks and 2 days from the day i first moved in until we pulled eachother. Its now October and we are still pulling eachother on a regular basis, we haven't gone all the way yet. Taking things steady. We get on amazing, have a laugh together. He has 3 children from previous wife. I get on with them all great especially the youngest of 12. The eldest is 17 though....!!! We have spoke in the fututre (when we have sorted our current personal problems not related to eachother) of maybe getting together. His concern is our age gap of 17years. This really upsets me as why loose such a rare situation where 2 people are happy together. Plus the fact our feelings are becoming stronger as the weeks pass. Should i keep it cool and see what happens? I always believe in fate and whats meant to be will be -i just hope in this situation it is meant to be.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (29 September 2008):
Today we read the comments from the anonymous male dated the 28th and just had to reply. We thought it would be appropriate to answer in the same way.....1)Is the childs real father not a "father figure" then.Why would anyone expect someone of your age to be more than perhaps an "older brother"2)There is 32 years between us and Kayley is never "left out". I would not be that disrespectful towards her.3)Just for the record i was 49 when Kayley and i first met.At 47 i would think she would still have her womanly charms but what is the obession with 10 years?4)Does she not want to help you experinace life together with her then?5)I could use the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" crap but as with all the rest it sounds like another excuse.Thanks for the advise in your final comment. My wife and i will toast that next Monday as we celebrate our second wedding anniversary!!!If you love someone all the reasons your girlfriend has given you do not exist. She is just trying to let you down lightly.........
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): I am currently in the process of breaking up with my gf after 2 years together. She is 37 and I'm 22 I still love her and am reluctant to split up but her reasons are.....
1 She has a child from a former partner and she thinks I'm not enough of a "father" figure to the child, which I think that will come in time.
2 She thinks when we go out with her friends I am left out because of age.
3 She says in 10 years time if we break up I have a good chance of finding someone else, when she wouldnt.
4 She says I haven't experienced enough of life yet to be settling down.
5 In the future she's worried about ageing and her physical appearance compared to mine.
Anyway hope you people embarking in a age gap relationship take these reasons into consideration.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): Regarding the question about sex life between a younger woman and older man - I should say this applies in the reverse case - I truly believe that it's all about libido. I've met young men and women who have the libido of a stone and I've also met older women and men that are comparible to caged rabbits lol.
My point is that you should look at your partner today to determine sexual compatibility. That may not be a perfect measure. As an example, my "frequency needs" have risen dramatically with age in spite of what all the so-called experts say about men as they age. Admittedly, some other male friends have gone in the opposite direction, but those men (that I've known most of my life) had obvious indicators that told me they were headed in that direction from youth.
In addition, when I was a teen I was definitely thinking about sex, but I know that I'm thinking about it more today than I ever did then. My girlfriends now need to be far more interested in the "intimate" side of the relationship than they ever did when I was in my early 20s.
Here's yet another misconception - the concept that age improves your skills in bed. The truth is that experience can definitely be a factor, but if you have a selfish partner you're screwed regardless of whether they're 20 or 50.
The point I'm trying to hammer home...look at the individual without bringing in some age bias when you're trying to determine things such as sexual ability, libido, etc. That is a better indicator than any cold statistic like age.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): So I met this girl. She's absolutely gorgeous and I asked her out. We're going out tomorrow for the first time. The only issue that I'm concerned about is her reaction if and when she asks for my age. Really, I should have gotten that out of the way earlier (no conceit intended, I look considerably younger than my chronological age of 37). When I met her I was among her friends so they've obviously underestimated my age as well or she wouldn't have followed up with calls of excitement about our upcoming date. I estimate that she's anywhere between 20 and 22. It'll be a shame if it doesn't work out as we got along so well when we initially met.
I don't know if there's a point to this story. I suppose I simply wanted to vent. It frustrates me to no end that, in today's PC world, that someone's age is so heavily discriminated against. The best relationship I ever had was with a girl of 14 years difference in age. Wild, passionate, but also nurturing, loving, and caring. The biggest difficulty by far was when others discovered the age gap and began to pass judgment as though they were the authority on what was acceptable and "right" in the world.
Thank you for creating this little site. I was encouraged by all the beautiful stories. Not encouraged into believing that you could have a loving relationship with someone who is significantly older/younger. I was happy to see the courage that other people had in standing up to this irrational pressure from society.
All in support, please wish me luck tomorrow and I'll do the same for you. :) I have a real respect for all of you as it takes a truly flexible and open mind to overcome those external pressures and just go for what YOU really want.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Hi there, I (25years) have been going out with an amazing 45 year old man for almost half a year now. It has been absolutely beautiful and quite frankly truly unbelievable experience so far. We love each other so much. We have already overcome several problems that came along, and we see eachother bonding more powerfully every minute of the day. However there are some questions which I have myself particulary about sex-life .... Of course at this point everything is heavenly beautiful but I do wonder about ten years later .... and so on... ( is there anybody who would tell me how is the sex-life working when the woman is in her really active times and the man slowing down naturally as lets be quite frank it does occur in life.... ). All the best Yana and Dave
...............................
A
female
reader, celiascotland +, writes (28 August 2008):
I found this site cos my husband had just been logged on to it ... so I am WORRIED!! I am 56 and he is 42. We've been together 7 years. At first I was not interested because I felt he was too young but as time went by I felt more confident. We have had v many happy times but are going thru some trying problems. In my opinion, our troubles are more related to cultural differences (he is a Muslim Asian, I am Scottish), financial worries and lack of time enjoying life together as he is working 90 hours a week and all the cooking, cleaning, child-rearing falls to me and I have a full-time job too. I am very worried because I think his mum could find him a young, biddable Asian wife (instead of a feisty, independent European!!) But then, he probably wouold have had many more difficulties facing the massive problems he has had without me. Honestly, I don't thin age is a problem - cultural differences and lack of time to enjoy life together are far more problematic. So, H, if you read this, hang on in there - I think we can make it good again!
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (30 July 2008):
It was so nice to read the comments from Steve2008 and to be able to relate to every thing he wrote. Phil and i have not really commented on here for a while now but we alway's visit the site and read what's been posted comment wise. What it obvious to us and should be to people out there is that agegap relationship's are not really that different to what is considered a "normal" relationship. Ok so you may have a few different sort of problem's but if the love and respect is there you will see it through. Anyway who want's a "normal" relationship. I like not being "normal" Its fun,has so much love and we are so very very happy xxxx
...............................
A
male
reader, steve2008* +, writes (28 July 2008):
I am 22 and my g/f is double my age. We have been together for little over a year and shes the love of my life. Often she fears that come a time i wont want to be with her anymore because she tells me that i could meet someone else whos younger than herself and i just tell her it could happen to you aswell. I couldnt ask for a more perfect person that herself to be with because she is smart and also has a real calming nature. I feel with the relationship i am in with her has a security in it because of the fact she is older and is more educated in life and how it goes than myself, in saying that i mean alot of fears such as cheating and insecuritys through being young are not there. I also find that at times when i could be careless or unreasoning she is there for me to open my eyes and see quite how silly i can be. Through her greater wisdom and experience in life teaches me to grow in to a better person than i could be if perhaps her age was the same as mine. In all honesty she is my best friend, my confidant, my lover and dare i say it, my soulmate. I think peoples perception of us can be unfair as they are always quick to point the finger at what they beleive to be adnormal, but where is the harm in it may i ask and who exactly are we offending? Shes the best thing that has ever happend in my life and if anyone is to have any objection to that then you are just damn and very shallow.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): I'm 18 and I'm dating a 34 year old. We've been dating for a year now and I haven't told ANYBODY because my family won't approve AND! he's my father's friend. his family and friends; however, approve and is very supportive.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): if you're in love it doesnt matter,as long as your're happy in life cos lifes too short to worry,whats the point,just be happy!!! im with someone 19years older but i forget that sometimes when im with him cos im so happy!!!x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): i cant belive the comments made by an anonymus female september the 11th ,my boyfriends 50 and im 27 why would he be a pervert ?am i 5?no im a grown woman who knows what i want and knows my own mind also he is no] taking advantage either and doesnt have a wrinkly bum ,the only reason she hasnt got an older boyfriend is because she is far to immature to attract 1 x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): my boyfriend and i have a 31yr age gap. apart from the comments and looks we receive (people think we're father and daughter until we show one another affection) things work great for us. I think he enjoys having a young, vibrant partner around to keep him on his toes. we've been together for 2 years and have the occasional spat but nothing that a couple without an age gap wouldn't have as well. apart from not wanting to go out with my friends very often, and the fact that he doesnt enjoy parties or staying out too late, he's still sociable and young at heart.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): A mate of mine dated a lad who was only 16 while she was 38 at the time. To be honest as long as its legal its fine. I worked with a woman in her late 40's also who's boyfriend was about 23. I got on well with these people and I find it childish that some people feel that its 'gross' or 'not right', after all its not their relationship. My sister is married to a man old enough to be her father and shes landed a great catch. He's a good father to her child and responsible and they have fun together. That far better than my Nephew's biological father who was the same age, sat unemployed while taking drugs and took all my sisters savings for himself. Age gap doesnt matter its whether or not the person is decent.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Hi.
Its nice to see comments from people that can make it work esp as there are so many negative comments. I have been seeing my older man for nearly six years. I am 22 he is 46, and we have been seeing each other since I was 16. He looks old for his age but that means nothing to me as I love him completely. People used to stare when i was younger but these days people dont, or we have stopped noticing. My mum has been so supportive. Its true you cant help who you fall in love with. I just am so glad that I didnt ignore these feelings, as I would be missing out on the best relationship of my life. There is a strong bond and this was what brought us togethe. I have also accepted he comes as a package with his children (15 and 17) and he understands I will still want children. These are the two important topics because quite often the older partner will have been married and/or had children. If you discuss this then there will never be any confusion and you should be happy with only the problems any other couple could/would face!
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (6 June 2008):
Having just read the comments from anonymous female dated June 5th we just had to add our input.Although we would agree that Age Gap Relationships can have specific problems related to the age difference, they are basicaly the same as any other relationship. Without respect and understanding, love and caring there is no relationship. Honesty and openess between partner's is a must. Things dont just go bad over night.If you have good communication between your selfs you can sort out the little things before they grow into problems. There is a point of no return in any relationship. It takes two to tango for sure!
...............................
A
male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (5 June 2008):
The two best relationships of my life were with much younger women and I am actively looking for someone much younger woman now. We were both good for each other, we learned from each other and we had fantastic sex together.
Most if not all women my age can't keep up, and want to do things that I can't even imagine doing 20 years from now. Perhaps I just age slowly. I know of a man of 61 who married a 21 year old and now they have a young daughter. They are very happy.
There were certainly bumps in the road, and I needed to be very understanding, but that was very minor compared to the joy we shared. It's not about age as much as being on the same wavelength and sharing the same values.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): There is a 28 year gap between my husband and I and it is horrible. He is controlling and constantly fearful that I will be unfaithful. Our priorities are completely different and we have nothing in common anymore. Now 55, he is really starting to act his age and I am feeling very trapped. If I could do it over again, I would never marry someone so much older than me, and to think it is only going to get worse. He is so set in his ways and unwilling to compromise. I know this must sound shallow, but I truly do feel like a prisoner.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Hi,
Me and my fiancee have a 21 year age gap, he is 42 and myself 21. We met nearly a year ago and almost instantaneously moved in together.
We recently got engaged and are very happy together, i have never been so compatible with anyone like this before. We dont let our age get in the way, if anything we use it as an advantage, as we can teach each other new things. Although my family and friends seemed a little uncomfortable with the situation at first they're coming round to the idea now, as they can see how in love we are.
I believe that love has no boundaries or age limits, we are only on this earth for a small period of time and should thus follow ones heart and be with the person one feels happiest with, regardless of wether the relationship fits in with the societal norm.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Hello everyone, Im 26 and my b/f is 47 and we've very much in love. We've been seeing each other since I was 18, so almost 8 years now. We have a complicated relationship, he was with someone else until about a year and a half ago, which I knew about but she still does not. I was with my ex g/f when we met and saw him as just a bit of fun, we met on the internet.I moved down south to move in with him about a year ago and although we're happy most of the time there are still some problems. He priortises his ex's feeling, we live in a small community and he doesn't want me to get a job etc because he doesn't want his ex to know I've moved in so soon. He told her we met a year ago. At first I was understanding of this but now I'm fed up, I feel like he's asking me to put my life on hold to save someone elses feelings. Before I moved in I told him I want kids, now he says he doesn't want them because it'll upset his ex, she's in her late thirties, single and childless. I can't imagine not being with him, I've had these expectations and hopes for so long and now it's nothing like I thought it would be. I want a future with him, I hope we can work through our problems but he's very stressed with work and doesn't want to talk about anything, just says everyone is putting pressure on him. I want to save our relationship but it's all moving too slow, I need more. My family all like him, his parents made no comment but treated me like a child (I look 10 years younger than I am, although I imagine that'll work out with time. Anyone else in this prediciment or had any similar experience? Should I stick it out and let things just happen in their own time? Am I asking too much?[moderator note: To the answerer, why not post this as a question in the main page?]
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): i get really annoyed with some peoples comments like urg hes 50 and they look in disbelief that it could be possible that i bieng 27 could possibly be in love with someone the same age as my father.love doesnt know age limits ,and also when people assume that it must be for his money!i have a laugh in the shops when theyre tring to figure out if we are father and daughter or a couple i lovingly put my hand on his bum and watch their faces priceless hayley x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): My boyfriend and I are 16 years apart, I just turned 20 and he is 36. My friends find it quite strange and somewhat intimidating (when speaking to him etc.) but he doesn't have some kind of grip on me and never uses his age as a way of being superior to me. We are on the same level and give each other the freedom and space to do what we want, and it works great to just face everyone and not try to hide our relationship. We love each other endlessly, so our relationship is definitely successful.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (3 May 2008):
It seem's that people take a different view of an age gap relationship where the woman is the older partner.As we have mentioned before our best friend's Val and Dave have a 20 year age gap with Val being the older partner.They have been together for over 21 year's now and do not remember ever having people comment or object to their relationship. We also think that once the youngest parner reaches the age of 21 people seem to care less about the age gap anyway. The fact that the actual gap is still the same as before does not seem to be important but that the youngest partner has reached an age where they are old enough to be able to make their own mind up (perhaps they were not before???)
Maybe some people should take a deep long look at their own relationship before passing judgement on other's
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): I have been in a agegap relationship, my last partner was 8yrs my junior. He was 18 and i was 26 when we meet. It lasted for 10 years, I have no regrets and nor does he, it was my decision to have split but we had great times. I have always been attracted to the younger man, no matter what. it seems my perception of who i am and what i want has not changed in 18yrs lol. But I am currently sort of seeing a 18yr old guy, you hear so much about girls with much older males, but seems very little in the reversal. I worry so much about the age difference, and it is me that has the issues over age, not him. I dont want him to miss out on anything. But i know i love him and he loves me. his mother has a hard time dealing with it, especially since she is same age as me. Its others knowing looks that darken my days, when I should just be happy with the kind caring man holding my hand.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Hi,
my partner and I have an age gap of 30 years, we dont find this a problem at all, ok, we do get a few funny looks now and again, and I often get asked if he is my father or if his kids are my brother and sister, but we expected this from the begining of our relationship. As we live in Spain the attitude towards our relationship is different than in England, the blokes dont really mind at all (especialy the ones over 25), but the women find it very strange and most will critise me when ever possible, and they usally blank me and my partner, but thankfully not the kids. I think that I am very lucky because I have a great relationship with my partner even though he is older than my mum he acts so so much younger and I cant imagine being with anyone else,and i have always been more comfortble with people that are older than me. His kids are wonderful and I even get on alright with his ex-wife! (how strange is that!) Even though my friends find it a little creepy, they are getting used to it as the days go on and they have even stop trying to talk me out of seeing him! My family however I have not had the guts to tell yet! (after two years!!!)(Mainly because my Dad kicked my sister out for dating a guy 5 years older than her and 7 years later she has married him and expecting her first child, but,my parents still dont talk to her!) Im not quite sure what to do about this because i want to keep up a good relationship with my family. His family have met me and they excepted me right away! Which shocked me because of the age gap and the fact I'm forgien like his Ex. I feel that if you're in love no matter what the country, ages (if legal of course), religion, etc. . . you should be allowed to see the person you love with out any predujice at all! If you really care for the person your with go for it. Together you can get through anything!
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (29 April 2008):
We dont really think that the advert for Sugardaddie.com or any similar type of advert belongs or has any place in this website.To be honest we as a couple find it insulting. Our relationship is from the heart and not the pocket. It's not based on material thing's but on mutual love and understanding.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): My man is 20 years older than me.I have never been so loved and never loved anyone like I do him.
If I listened to ther peoples prejudice then I would be missing out on the best relationship I ever had.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (15 April 2008):
We enjoyed reading Lenni's comment's and as alway's would love to hear from other people in Age Gap relationship's. After all that's the whole point of this site. Kayley and i blog most day's on our MSN site http://grasshopper17.spaces.live.com/default.aspx
and have been doing so for over 12 month's now.
We are just a normal couple to us but as i guess most of you know other people often see us as being strange.
But we are in love and very happy. We have been married now for comming up to 19 month's and have no regret's at all
Age gap? what age gap.....lol
...............................
A
female
reader, Lenni +, writes (9 April 2008):
ello there
i want to respond partly to Phil and Kayley and tell a bit about my story. to Phil & Kayley, i am so exited to meet (even if its just on the internet) people of a very similar age gap relationship.it makes me feel that i am not alone, that WE are not alone!
i will try not to cary on with all my story, it will be too long but i will tell that i have 35 years gap between me and John. but most of the time we dont feel it as i would say i am a mature 20 and he is so so young at heart and body - he is a runner so he looks stunningly fit and younger for his age - we are now engaged (in the eyes of god) and we are getting to the point of taking the serious decision of marriage
i really dont like when people are judgmental about our relationship, thinking that it is for money or sex as i did not PLAN to fall in love with my darling. actually we feel a lot that there was something that told us that its meant to be as we met on coincidence that was very beautiful (people are welcome to write to me to ask more) and that was it for us. so back to peoples opinion again, sometimes it does bother me. it is one of our biggest obstacle at times, but children is another. he has already 5 children and is divorced from that woman, but it is getting a bit difficult for me knowing what to do when some of he's children are older than me (which is a bit embarrassing and difficult to swallow for both sides) and harmony and acceptance is so desired.
i wish for everybody in an AGR to be strong and faith as there is a reason for everything, so the relationship not just a mistake
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): I have an age gap of 15years. It was never a problem. we started dating when I was 16 But he is in my family so we already knew him. he is my half 2nd cousin. and we never noticed the age when we got together. it took his part of the family a while to come round but now they are very happy. To make it work we just ignored every bad comment someone said and we compramised. Just take your time and if anyone says its wrong dont listen! I am now 23years old and we have been married for 2yrs and have our first child on the way. It does work. you just have to be sensible, talk to each other and trust each other. Hope everything works out! xxxx
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): I have been in an age gap relationship for nearly 4 years now. I wouldnt say there is any difference to this being a relationship with someone the same age. The main focus is the people, their likes, dislikes, what they have in common and how compatible they are. There is 11 years difference between my partner and I and we have never even noticed the age. It has it's benefits as the older partner can pass on knowledge, wisdom and understanding and the younger partner keeps them in touch with everything else going on and adds that fun aspect. I am quite a mature 23 year old and my partner is a very young 34 year old... it's only other people that may have the issue. I explain my situation to people and they say oh, ok..then they see us together, how we are and always say we are a fantastic couple, so well suited and very much in love!
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (2 April 2008):
If you are in an "age gap" relationship one of the best attributes to have besides being in love is a sence of humour. The reaction of other people toward's your relationship will amaze you at times.Once again yesterday it was presumed that i was Phil's daughter because of our 32 year age gap and when we explained the situation the embarassment was such you could cut a knife through the atmosphere. We as always laughed it off. The look on the person's face helped us to do so.But hey you get use to it.....lol
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): my partner and i have an age gap of 14 years we have a very good relationship in alot of ways but i struggle to trust him sometimes. he makes so happy and i love him so much he has children and i have one so i will not be expecting any more and we are clear on that, he is 38 and me 24 many people would not see that as a problem but people do and as long as we love eachother and trust eachother we will over come that. he is also the only man ive been with i see myself spending my life with. we understand eachothers needs in every way and understand we both need space from time to time but to answer your question if you love someone it does not matter how old you or they are he means so mugh to me and i adore him he makes me laugh and sometimes i think i act older than him so i do believe they can work. thanks jane.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): my partner and i have an age gap of 14 years he is 38 and iam 24 he makes me so happy and i love him very much. we get on very well despite our difference in age and we understand eachothers needs in every way so i do believe age gap relationships do work with strengh trust and love.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): hi,
i have been in a age gap relationship for nearly three years now and there is a huge gap. I am 21 and my partner is 42...double my age!!
There are loads of problems this has caused for us , however there are more good things to say about my relationship than there are bad. One of the biggest p[roblems is that of other people...although i dont see what business it is of theirs.
of course there are prolems attached to these types of relationships but there is also compromise and sacrifice involved in maintaining any relationship...there is just often more needed here.
I think the fact that I do not want children for at least two years is a issue that rears its head every so often...but then he also understands that I have a life to lead and he has already lived through his twenties. I know he would not want to make me unhappy and so he doesnt force this issue but i also see his [perspective and realise that if we are to stay together then children would be an option sooner i.e. 2-3 years rather than later i.e. 5-6 years.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): hiya thanx for all of youre answers 2 my question bout wether or not the older partner finds it more difficult there are more people than i thought with a big age gap in there relationship its nice to know that im not alone in my problems we will keep loving eachther regardless of the large age gaps hayley x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): hi my name is louise and my boyfriend is 29 years my senior and im 18 a 15 year gap is nothing being in a age gap relationship is just like anyother all that matters is that you love one and other and your happy people dont exspect where together most of the time but i just blurt it out because to be honist whats it got to do with them and also happyness in life is the one thing anybody can have if they want itx dont worry what anyone says because why make their problem yours?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I think its a very good idea. We are in a largish age gap and have found locally things are harder but that further afield people dont really care.
We could have done with feeling less isolated when it all started because actions of others in a way forced everything to happen quicker than we expected. There were also added difficulties cos I was still at school and we did not know what are rights were. We also had a huge battle with Benefits because of how I was classed by some as a partner and others as a child. There was no logic to this and it was only with the help of a solicitor that I found out what I was entitled to.
What would this site be? Most of the sites that deal with this seem to be an exchange of opinions and some of them can be nasty and that might put people off. If you are going to do an AGR site perhaps it could offer advice and help in certain areas like legal advice, benefits etc.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (11 March 2008):
We have been Agony Aunt's for almost 12 month's now and enjoy reading all the problems and comment's posted. We have infact made friend's with people involved in Age Gap relationship's and feel that a site that deal's on a more personal level and in more depth is needed. There are many of us out there people. We are not alien's but normal human being's.We just happen to fall for a partner who is perhaps in a differnt age group.
Do you think it's a good idea and would you be prepared to contribute with a perhaps a few words about your relationship......we would love to know
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): I am 27 and my boyfriend is 48. We have been together for just over a year and find the biggest obstacles for us are other people's prejudices. He has two teenage daughters who are still rather upset about their parents' breakup and respective new partners. I too look young for my age and I think its all a bit embarrassing for the girls. Still, I am resolved to stay quietly in the background so as not to unsettle them too much. I want them to come through adolescence without resenting me when they're adults. Perhaps this is wishful thinking.
I spent months worrying about telling my parents, convinced they would disown me. It began to make me irritable with them and distant. However, one day plucked up the courage to tell my mum, she dealt with dad and they have been more accepting of us than i ever imagined. In the end, i have realised my family and friends only want my happiness and if it lies with an older man then so be it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): Hi. I'm a 29 year old woman and my boyfriend is 49. We've been together for just over a year having met at work 2 years ago. We have the best time together, we talk about everything, we have loads in common and fancy each other like mad (the sex is sensational). We do get some disapproving looks when we're out (I look a bit younger than I am), but our friends and his family (including teenage kids) are all really happy for us. I say his family, because I haven't had the courage to tell my parents, who are only a few years older than my partner. This is largely because he was a mentor to me at work, and my mother has very fixed ideas about things (I was 26 and a practising lawyer when we first met, and almost 28 when we got together, so I was hardly a virginal ingenue!) and believes that men like that are predators (nothing could be less like my gentle, wonderful, kind man). She's also a bit of a body facist, and won't be able to see past his beer belly and bald patch - she thinks that because I'm a tall, attractive blonde I should have a gorgeous young man (even though my boyfriend is actually very good looking). I have never been happier, and would love to have the courage to tell my parents about my relationship, as concealing it is causing me ever increasing anxiety. I firmly believe that age doesn't matter, as long as you are well matched emotionally and mentally - who cares about numbers? Of course I worry about him getting old before me - but i might get run over by a bus next week, and so might any man my own age. Life should be lived in the moment :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (10 February 2008):
In answer to Hayley's question.......From my point of view and as the "older partner"...lol i dont think our relationship is any more difficult for myself than it is for Kayley my wife.Infact it's no more difficult than what people see as a "normal" relationship. Other people have more problem's with us than we do with ourself's. When we do come across an "age gap issue" ie something one of us is a little unsure or lack's the knowledge about we normaly laugh about it. I for example sometimes struggle with the pace of technology (mp3 player's ect )which my wife has vast knowledge about..lolIt's all about finding the ballance in your relationship and if you love each other it's fun finding it!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): hi im hayley and im 26 and my partner is 50 ,we are very much in love still we met when i was 21 and are still going strong i dont think an age gap is a big problem at all how will i feel when he is 70 and im still quite young i dont know all i know is that i love him and still fancy him and i think for the older partner age is all in the mind and you are as young as the woman you feel isnt that the comment ha ha and stuff the comments from other people if you truly love eachother small minded people wont bother you sometimes i think that the age gap concerns my partner more than me because he is the older one ?can anyone help me out with that question do you think its harder 4 the older partner ?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Thanks to Kev and others who actually cut to the root of the problem which is perception and judgement combined with preconceived notions of what is right and wrong. It is lovely to read about people with similar experiences and happiness, but the sad thing is also the commonality in the rhetoric of peoples judgement that we also have to suffer, such as the appalling ignorance concerning peoples wrinkles or whatever. Can these people really really exist asnd are they really so shallow?
I am a philosopher by training and have accepted that morality is often subjective in most peoples cases. You just have to look at the plethora of different moral systems to realise that. However what is even more alarming is the preponderance of those systems that claim to be universally applicable and so absolutely right. This creates a conflicting claims approach and ultimately it does not take much to see that morality is relative.
My point is that people judge too quickly in most moral isses, but exceptionally quickly in age gap relationships. Moreover the younger one of the partners the quicker the judgement.
I would be the first to agree all of us need constraints and sensibility in our relationships but maybe if we stopped applying a blanket approach and were more inclined to listen rather than judge each case on merit our eyes may be opened to the realities of love. In loves case, age is a number.
Be careful it may happen to you!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): I am pleased to see so many different couples living in fully functional relationships where a huge age difference exist. My husband and I are 20 years apart in age and have been in a committed relationship (now marriage) for close to five years. We both engulf the same goals, morales and values. Therefore, my greatest fear hinged on how my parents especially my father would accept him. How would he feel about my being in love with someone so much older than me? My father and I sat down and had a true heart-to-heart talk. He asked me, "Do you truly love this man?" I answered, "Yes." My father gave me a comforting smile and said, "Then, if you love him I know you are happy. It does not matter what I think. I will like him no matter what."In 2004, life became much more clear to me. I was in love with a man: not an older man, but a man. A man worth waking up to in the moring. A man who understood me and accepted me for me. A man who when apart from him we both felt like we lost our best friends. I am so glad that I married this wonderful, oustanding man who is worth everything we go thorugh in life to be happy. It is true relationships are hard work. However it is much more fun working at a relationship with someone you enjoy being around. We have our normal differences of opinion, but what relationship does not. It is life and how we develop as human beings. Age is just a number, but experience life first to understand it.congratulations and many more years of success and happiness.
...............................
A
male
reader, Kev-Irish  +, writes (4 January 2008):
I can't believe the insensitive comments made re Wrinkly Bottom. How dare anyone rate a person's worth on the appearence of a body part! I take it that if the person who made the comment were to be in an accident like a serious Car crash or were burned in a fire etc that they would retire into a dark hole and give up on life because like minded people shared her opinions. How superficial. Are there no mirrors in her house, Is she a 10 has she perfect lips, boobs , ass, eyes, hair, teeth, jeez give me a break. We live 4 today, we can only experience what's happening now. You could marry someone with 5 years in the difference and have a heart attack and die. I'm livid. Ok underage, totally unacceptable but everything else goes, you end up facing the same direction for a long time in a wooden box, for christs sake live life, respect each other, be honest, faithful and loving, the rest shud follow
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): I am in an age gap relationship. I am 31, my husband is 50! We have been together 7 years and have two children together.
The age gap seems to cause more problems now than it did back then. I don't want to be 50 and he doesn't want to be 30. I want a bigger family, he doesn't because of his age. I had a realisation that by the time my children are grown up and independant, he will be in his 70's and it is quite possible I will be looking after him or a widow!
Love is a funny thing, but it doesn't conquer all! I wouldn't be without him, but I really wish he was a bit younger!
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (26 December 2007):
My Mrs is much younger than me,
It's caused some family fear's,
They do not like the age difference,
Of 32 plus year's,
But we are married and much in love,
My life is so complete,
Ok so we upset a few,
And more we're yet to meet,
She's not missed out on teenage thing's,
As people said she would,
She's wiser, smarter than her age,
And also does me good,
We are as one, with the same goal,
Together we are strong,
Now married for far past a year,
Already proved them wrong.
Like any other relationship,
The rules to survive are the same,
To respect,tell the truth and be faithfull,
Not to treat your partner like a game,
True love does conker all, in the end you will win,
If your heart it is in the right place,
After all you are part of a very large club,
Welcome all to the real human race.......................
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007): I never minded a relations ship that had an age gap of ten years nor 20...the thing is though that I have fallen in love with someone that is 40. I am 17. It started with us just getting to know each other. Um, we hardly ever have anything like music, food or whatever in common but our values and beliefs are the same. And we get a long great!!!We hardly ever argue and he respects me and treats me like a queen. I know some people talk about how it is hard because I would have to "give" up personal experiences to be with an older guy. I have thought about it...but if I love him I don't mind growing with him. I want to be with him because he loves me and respects me. Because he is independent, but still a family man. I would love to one day have children with him.I don't mind giving up my life experiences because I love him, and I'm not those kind of party girls that get drunk and have sex. I am calm, and he is calm and I really want to be with him. I don't think an age should matter in a relationshop.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pixie_Elena +, writes (24 December 2007):
I have been in a relationship with a man 29 years older than myself for a few months now.
We have alot in common and we get on as best friends as well as lovers.
Before we met i had been married to a man seven years older than me which did not work out.
I think it depends on the people involved, not the age difference. If two people enjoy each others company and find each other attractive and fall in love then who is anyone to say anything against that.
I have found that for the first time in my life that i am being treated with respect and have really found true love.My friends and family have supported me all the way and are glad to see me happy for once in my life.
I think this would be different maybe if i were a teenager but I am in my 20's, i dont see his age when i look at him, i see the man i have fallen in love with.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): Hi I am with Smess and am very much in love with her. I cannot think of anyone I would rasther be with. Interestingly our gap is the same but is 49 to mid 16. I wish we could pluck up the courage to be together now but we are tending to feel we should wait till Smess finishes GCSE's and A's etc. Who knows though...?
Anyway I never ever thought love could be like this.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): We have just found this website and will think about joining, but our first note will be sent anonymously.
Male 49 Female 17
Has that shocked anyone yet.
We have been together now for one year and are both very very happy. We never have reason to argue or distrust each other. We both care for and love each other very much more than either of us thought possible We have been living together for about 9 months now and the only problems we have in our relationship are caused by other people.
Her family and friends have been the main problem, but they are coming around slowly mainly because they realise that she is happy and not being abused in any way and her life is not being held back. She is currently attending College and hopes to continue at University.
As for me, well I never concidered or looked at anyone her age before we met. Most girls that age are kids. However she is different. After knowing her for about three months we finaly kissed, dated and knew we were good for each other. We have a lot in common and never find difficult age gap moments. People who know us well say we are good together and have no problem. For those who judge only what they see, age is limit restricting them for finding their perfect sole mate.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (13 December 2007):
We have just read Emma's comments and agree almost 100%. The only thing that we felt was maybe something that could be avoided was when she wrote about some conversations that because of an age gap one partner could feel left out.It's important to be aware of that fact and in our case i try and make sure that my wife is involved and does understand. To be honest i only need to look at her face and i know she has "lost the plot"...lol But it's easy to put things right and we often laugh about it. Just for the record it work's both ways! Thank's Emma and good luck to you xxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): hi, i am 20 and have recently started seeing a man thats 43.i have more in common with him than anyone whos male and my age. i believe age is just a number and society is just to busy judging everyone.i think society forgets we only live once, and if someone can make you happy and share lifes journey with you, then who cares about age,religion or colour.i have experinced the ins and outs of age gap relationships before as i have been in 2 before and also my father is in a age gap of 16 yrs with his partner.advice i can giv for anyone starting a age gap relationship or is in one is:
(things to consider in age gap relationships)
*if ur partner is alot older than u, if u decide to have children you mite face the fact u could be a widow alot earlier.
*society/friends/family will not always be supporting, in fact can be cruel and put pressure on your realtionship at times.
*a gap of generations at times can make you feel left out in conversations.
apart from that as long as you communicate ur feelings, share an understanding of booth ur wants needs and desires you can be just as happy as couples with no age gaps.i think you only live once dont beat urself up if you love someone older or younger than u-just go for it. emma
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): in response to the annomous reply from the 11th sept .im 26 and my boyf is 50 ,i am offended that you would think that he is a sick pevert?and imply that bcoz im younger that i dont know what i am doing som what exactly is wrong with an older guy?my boyf certanly dosnt have a wrinkly bum he goes tom the gym 3x a week and id take him over any immature tanned bum ta xxxxxxhayley
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): This is a great debate!
I am 23 and my other half is 44. Age really is nothing but a number....and for those of us in age gap relationships u'll understand where im coming from
When u truely love someone....you really dont have time to worry about age gaps and what everyone else thinks...If they dont like it..good for them, but every one is entitled to their own opinion!!
I think that love is a very complecated thing, and we can get stuck between playmates and soul mates... ppl miss out on meeting their soul mates because they are too concerned with society's points of view!! Just becasue someone is the same age color or social staus....doesnt make them a better candidate compared to some one who is the total opposit of you in every aspect!!
Reading the comments on this page...its clear to me the majority of people who are involved in age gap relationships are happy and sure of each other and that is the main thing... In stead of trying to find fault with these relationships...surely we should be promoting a healthy family unit...something which soicety seems to lack thses days... If your happy and faithful and committed to each other... they in my eyes... age really is not an issue.... xxxx Jade
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): hi my boyfriend is 23 years older than i am im only 26 weve beeen togeva 4 5 years and are very much in love ,we dnt c eachothers ages just that we love eachother and we still have the best sex liofe and are very happy xxxxxxxxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): I am a 27 year old woman, currently in a relationship with a 37 year old man, who has 2 kids (not mine). Most friends give me good comments to continue. After I read their sincere comments. Now I recommend you the comments which helped me before. http://www.AgeMatch.com/blog/agegap. I think it's useful for you. Maybe it can help you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): I met my guy at Agelessmatch.com, he is 12 years older than me, I'm 23, he is 35. Everything goes well between us, the age gap relationship can really work, it depends on you and your partner. You need to work out what your expectations are before you enter the relationship and make sure they are what you want, otherwise the relationship will not be successful, the same as any relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): hey i dated sumone at the young age of 16 he was 31! lol but the only problem we found was the odd looks, an peoples lack of understanding. it gets better for the people you know well, but people always like to stare, but who cares do what makes you happy and dont worry what others think cos its easy to. an if it helps there are loads of people out there in same boat esp celbs research it. x
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (9 October 2007):
On Saturday the 6th of October Kayley and i celebrated our first wedding anniversary.It has been a wonderfull year in so many ways and never a dull moment.Family relationships are in the main sorted with just the odd one or two who will never except us as a couple but that is their choice.We read with interest the comments and oppinions people have on age gap relationships, and from those who are infact involved in one themselves.There will always be predudise of one kind or another. be it sexist, racist or ageist. We all have and are infact entitled to our own oppinion.Having an open mind is not as easy as we often think it is.We base what we thing on what we know. Maybe some of us should gather a little more information before passing judgment? They dont seem to know that much at all.....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): Actually I think there are age gaps and age gaps. I think it's rather sad if someone (male or female) older with loads of experience settles down with someone under, say, 21, who has not had much life experience (let's face it, that's the case for most 19 year olds). I'm in an age-gap marriage but I am in my late 30s and my husband in his early 50s, so the gap has closed - I've been married before, I've had life experiences, I have a job and have supported myself, etc etc. I think this makes a huge difference. If I was 19, at uni, never travelled, never been in love before, never had a chance to have any fun, then I think there would be something sad and rather sinister in someone much older coming along and encouraging me to miss all those experiences. It is selfishness. A few years ago I dated a guy only 5 years younger, but he was a virgin and had hardly any experience of life. He was very romantic and used to read me poetry etc. I could tell he deserved a young woman who would swoon at all his lovely romantic gestures. When he started changing his life plans to be with me I put a stop to it, and I don't regret that decision. He was heartbroken at the time, but now understands and is happily travelling and living his life.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): As you know by now there is an age gap of 32 years and 3 months between Kayley and myself.There have been various comments made about age gap relationships from people involved in one themselves and by people who to be honest have not got any idea but are intitled to their oppinion.We have close friends with a 20 year age gap where Val is the older partner and Dave the younger. They have been together for 15 years and i was wondering if their relationship is frowned upon as much as ours? Maybe its ok for the lady to be older? Is she a dirty old woman?Im looking forward to reading how people view this one....[duplicate]
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Over 15 years, it seems a big age age difference.However, I think that maturity is a must when this is the situation. One of my friends recommended Agematch.com to me, my story is I just want to find some friends at first, I never though I will meet my dream lover who is 20 years older than me at this site. This is a another story, LOL. I want to say is when it comes to love, age is just a number.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (11 September 2007):
In response to the anonymous female reader of the 11th September, the first thing that springs to my mind is that its sounds like you haven't had much, if any, experience in age gap relationships.Here's a silly idea for you - my husband and I love one another for WHO we are, not what we are or what we look like. If you think that age gaps relationships don't work thats up to you but please don't accuse men like my husband of being "old, sick men" because you don't know him at all. Of course there are times, like you said when one partner has perhaps done things, that the other has not yet experienced. If you love someone though, you're willing to do something time and time again because you want to make your partner happy, and like I said - because you love them.Ok in 20 years time, yes my husband probably will have a "old wrinkly bum", and he won't be as physically fit or active, but he will love me just as much, and he will care for me just as much, and he still would do absolutely anything for me. If some "young hot tanned guy" can offer the same, tell him I'm not interested anyway.So you're not on the same path as your partner, he's happy to go out with his friends knowing you feel left out, you feel as though you not heading in the same direction as him and you've admitted the gap causes problems?If you have such an issue with age gap relationships and your relationship, why are you in one?And your telling me what I should and shouldn't do?Finally, you can have my address if you want so you can go and phone the police and tell them all about these two consenting adults that love one another, happen to live together and are even married. Shocking or what?Kayley Nash (Mrs) Age 19
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): I met a girl my own age when I was 23 and she turned that was her 23rd year too. She looked 5 years younger. We were parted and lost contact for 8 years. We got together and it didn't last, although we were the same age it seems she was in a hurry to settle down start a family etc etc. I'm just not there yet, perhaps a younger woman would be more suitable, not less. I don't think I would consider a teenager but a girl of 24 is more likely to be inkeeping with me in this time in my life! Everybody's different. Many of my friends are about that age as well, it could be very beautiful.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): I am hugely worried about the young girls above who are dating such old, sick men. What is wrong with these men that they can't get a girl their own age? Surely this is illegal? Girls, I hope that you are looking after yourself, this is YOUR life. Don't rush it. Don't let someone else rush it. Just think of their old wrinkly bum compared to the young hot tanned guys out there.
I do have experience in age gap relationships. However, if he were 30 years older than me (and I were younger than 25)I would be calling the police.
There is an 8 year gap in my relationship. I am 23 and he is 31. This causes problems:
1) I am still growing and deciding what I want to do, we are not going on the same journey together as he has already done this.
2) When I go out with his friends I feel left out and quite young
3) I am concerned that I am still growing, he is not. Therefore I will eventually grow out of him.
Please take care girls, life is short.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): im i a relationship with a huge age gap, we have a 2yr old son, we have been together for 8 years and couldnt be happier. Friends and family are very supportive, but there are people who are very nasty and discusted by it, it has nothing to do with anyone else as long as the two of you are happy! im female 26 years old and my man is 69. but he dont look that age , his fit, and extemly well. most nicest man you could ever met, great dad, iv never looked back!!! it does work as long as you dont let other people bring you down, it is hard!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): Hi, I am a guy of 38 years old and my girlfriend is 20. She was chasing me for a couple of months but i just shrugged her off but one night in a club just let my feelings go. Her family are dead against it so i have never met them. We have been through a real hard time since being together as she left her home and her child went to the father. I have never had a partner so me so much love and attention as she has since we have been together (i have been married for 10 years and 2 children). But,... she is now a pole/lap dancer whicj i supported her in doing and it was only last week she made the move on a guy she was dancing for, she asked for his number and then she decided this relationship was not for her, i have made a few monetry lies during our relationship which of has made us struggle more then we needed to in the early part of out relationship. now she earns good money and is able to support herseld well. when she told me of what happened i broke down like a baby, i have never felt pain like it before. someone was on my side tho as only a couple of days after the incident and no meeting of the other guy i was able to invite her round and have some SPECIAL time together and now she is moving in and we are back together. We are as we see an ideal match, very well matched and i have never been this in love in my life and she says the same (i hope this is true lol). We have a great time when we are together we both make each other smile the only problems we have is with her family. Age is only a number, the gap will stay the same and will never grow.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (28 August 2007):
THE AGE GAP ISSUEWe keep reading about "the age gap issue" that people have with their relationship. Perhaps we are totaly different but its other people that have an "age gap issue" and not us. If you have a problem with the age gap perhaps you should not be in the relationship in the first place? There will be enough predujice towards your relationship without you adding to it. As a couple Kayley and i hardly even think about our age gap. We married the person we loved and not the year they were born. Just for the record there is 32 years and 3 months between us. If you love someone their age really is not important but who they are.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): I'm 52 and have been in a relationship with my partner for two years now, she is 36. We also live 200 miles apart, but spend alternate weeks together. We met by an amazing series of chances, at a time when both of us were going through tough times of separation and divorce. Thank god we did, for out of that has sprung a love and supportiveness that transcends description.
Our time together is happy, relaxed and fulfilling. Our respective children, families and friends accept the other, and age is never a topic of concern. Anyone else doesnt have a vote!
As someone said above, age is a number, and I would add, an attitude of mind. Just make sure as in any relationship, that you are true to each other and honest about your feelings, fears and insecurities. We talk about everything, previous partners, hopes for the future, feelings about the past and present, nothing is out of bounds. So long as there is mutual trust and respect, it can work really really well.
We are each others best mates, the one we turn to when in trouble or need of comfort, and yes - we both still get butterflies as the time to be together approaches (and the sex is cosmic, for both of us). One day soon we hope to move in together.
Dont bother doing the maths of age - listen to your heart. If its thudding against your ribs - go with the flow and enjoy. If its still doing that a year or two later - well you'll just have to live with the realisation that you really are in love. Its that simple.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): greetings from South Africa! Well I'm 48 and in a developing relationship with a 19-year-old. She has no issue about the age gap and even makes fun out of it. Obviously there are potential problems - but the same goes for same-age relationships. The same old remedies apply, but the most important are to love each other and work on the relationship in an honest way.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): Hi Tabbie, I am currently 23 and my boyfriend is 43. Like many others, the age gap issue bugged me quite a bit. I have been together with him for a year and a half now and the relationship is still going strong. In fact, stronger than ever. We do have our differences due to our generation gap but nothing is ever insolvable. I love him very much. Neither is it all dandy as it's hard to forget that he is likely to leave this Earth way before you do. But I try to carve away that thought with the help of religion (though i still succumb to silent tears at night at times). But I feel that it is better to have loved once (no matter how long a period of time) than to have never experienced love before. So the age should not be a factor in an age gap relationship.Hope that helps =)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007):
I have been in an age gap relationship for almost two years now. I met him when i was 23 and he was 38. Offcourse I noticed his age when he met. But I had already fallen in love with him before i knew his age. That love i had made me take a chance. I am glad i did.
Like all other relationships age gap one requires work. But our love requires strenghth as well. I know I will not get my family to ever accept him. But I believe i have to be happy. I have to live life with love. Maybe one day they will realize the strong bond i share with my boyfriend.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley +, writes (5 July 2007):
Its been a blast! It still is! We are in love and very very happy! We laugh so much at the way some people struggle with our relationship.We have been in newspapers, on the Tv and on the radio.At one time not that long back if you typed Phil and Kayley into Google it came up with loads of web sites about us. Sad is it not? Sad that people find anything they class as not being normal as weird or wrong.Just the odd 32 years between us so nothing too great.We dont have an age gap...maybe a different view and experiance of life now and again but thats it. We are a couple,n love, married and happy so get over it!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): Well, I'm 22 and have been dating/living with my SO for the last 9 months. He is 55, so there is a 33 year difference. On top of that, I look younger than my age and he looks older. However, we love each other very much and have been very open with friends and family, who responded wonderfully well. Thus far, we've received no opposition from anyone, including people on the street who might see us hug/hold hands/kiss. The way we see it, we love each other, make each other happy, and aren't hurting anyone. So it's nobody else's business what we do. The best advice I can offer in the case of anyone else having a problem with it (in the instance of family/friends) is to try to explain the above. If it's a stranger...well, who the hell cares what a stranger thinks anyway? At the end of the day, I'm not going home with them, after all ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): Age does not matter. Love and compatiblity do. Respect and communication do.
I have been involved with a man 14 years younger than me for almost 4 years. Like any other relationship I've been in, there are peaks and valleys. These peaks and valleys have to do with the general nature of life and relationships in general--rather than age concerns.
I didn't set out to have a relationship with a younger man. It happened. I don't think you should go out of your way to meet a younger man, but I don't think you should avoid it either.
I don't believe in relationship rules or absolutes, meaning that one partner must be close in age to another partner. If you love each other and if your relationship is good in all other ways, then go for it! And don't let other people dissuade you. This is your life. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, vickyessex +, writes (19 May 2007):
 Ive been in an age gap relationship for 3 years, me and my partner got married last year and life couldn't be better. Im 21 and he is 60 so a 39 year age gap. Sometimes I feel like we are the only people in the world with a big age gap but I sometimes come across people with the same or larger age gap.
We have just started trying for a baby and everythings going fine!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): I'm coming 19 and my husband is 51 this year which means there is a 32 year age gap. The biggest problem with our relationship is other people - their problem, their lack of understanding. In all honesty we have very few problems. If you love someone and are a true couple sharing your lives together, open, honest and infact best friends, there can be very few problems and those that you do have are easily sorted out. If your interested in more information check out http://grasshopper17.spaces.live.com/ which is our blog. We keep it very much uptodate for the people in our lives that do have problems with us but still need to know what is going on.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): I have met a great guy through my company who I completed connected with on so many levels the instint we met. My only dissapointment I had was when I discovered his age. I thought at the time he was a lot younger than what he was and this caused a lot of doubt.
We had a great connection and a very strong need to want to be together. I fought this for quite sometime but things just fell into place and before we realised it a relationship developed and we've been together ever since. It's been well over a year since we first met and although there is a 16 year age gap, for some bizaar reason it works! I still get those same butterfly feelings in my stomach everytime I see him. I'm 26yrs and he is 42yrs of age. He has not been married before and has not as yet got any children. He is also an ex-olympic skier so is very healthy and fit. These little things all help matters slightly. I'm not one to want to date an older man but sometimes life throw unexpected things your way, it's up to you what you want to do with it. I'm glad I took that chance. If you can be yourself with this person, that's all that matters!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): Urm.... im 18 (and doing my A-levels) and my boyfriend is 46. The way our relationship has lasted for about 8 months now is that its a complete secret! I suppose thats not what you really call working. We manage to see each other at least 3 time a week as we have similar hobbies. I guess if i was older and not in school things would be easier. Its hard...... but you deal with it and talk to each other because ultimately you know that you love each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): I am a 23 year old dating a 42 year old man, We have only been dating 3 months but we get along great. We work together and that makes this tough, we have talked about if it doesn't work out and since we do not work directly together it would be fine. We have kept it quiet
at work and people are just beginning to find out now. I feel sometimes like I am falling for him more then he is for me. I do not know if this is how older men act or if it is just him. He has never been married or had kids which makes me wonder about the commitment factor. I have met his family they are great and like me. Mine know about him, my mom has met him, Dad is having a harder time since the boyfriend is only 5 years younger then him. Every relationship is different, communication is important. I just tell people to do what feels right.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006): hi, i have been with a man 18 years older than me for about 2 months now and, yes he has made me happy and made me feel wanted and loved, and i hope i have done the best i can for him (i am 21, he is 39). he is my first proper relationship. we have similar interests, hobbies, SOH etc; he would easily fit into my groups of friends at uni. i have found out tho, that all relationships need more then just love to survive; circumstances have gotin the way of ours (i have gone back to uni 50 miles away and have too much work to keep up the relationship) and recent depressions on my part have made it difficult too, so for now i have 'backed-off' as it were, with the support of my partner.
age gap relationships need more work than peer-age relationships. especially if distance is thrown in as another factor. it can also be difficult to come to terms with all the life experiences he has had, compared to my limited life experiences. i think that is one of the toughest things i have had to get my head around.
the most important things to remember, in my opinion, is to love and respect one another. be honest. also, talk about the future and what u both want from life; having the same goals helps in any relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): Hi
It really annoys me when you read articles that describe older people wanting to slow down their lives and young people bieng more vibrant etc as if we are two different species, i am 42 and have lived a full and exciting life and have no intention of slowing down, I am doing more now than I ever was before and no longer feel the restraints of inexperience, it is rubbish to suggest that older people are settling down as a general rule, actually most people of my age I believe are just realising what they really want out of life and going out there to get it.
I have become involved with a beautiful girl 24 years younger than me, that is a large age gap and may shock some of you but believe you me I fought against it for some time before I stopped looking at the age gap and started looking at the real person, we have so much in common but also do our own things, we have also said to each other that it is alright to date other people so as to allow this to fizzle out if it really has to but after sometime, I think we both know that neither of us want to see other people and our relationship has gone from strength to strength because we have given each other the freedom and from that trust has come back.
Age gap relationships and any relationship that requires a more challenging approach, take a lot of thought, concideration and work and that is what makes them work, how many marriages break up because they lack just one of the above, I love my partner more than I have loved anyone else ever before, She is not a child figure she is a person in her own right and perfectly capable of making up her own mind, prejudice is the problem and I have found that it is other people who have a problem with our relationship not us, so just remember that your relationship is between the two of you and actually nobody else's buisiness at all, if you let someone else steer your opinion then you will never have a succesful relationship whatever the age gap.
I am as young or as old as I am and I love my girlfriend very much, I will live my life to the full and ensure that I give her the best that my life can offer, we have a brilliant time and she loves it when we're together, I will slow down when they put me in a coffin but when you stop stressing about work and realise that life is about enjoying yourself and living your life, loving those around you whatever their age size experience or whatever then that is when life begins, remember most BIGGOTS are infact JEALOUS and most people who have a bad opinion about your relationship are infact probably jealous of the happiness that you've found.
Good luck to everyone and if you have found a glimpse of the happiness that we have found then WELL DONE
Thanks
...............................
A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (10 September 2006):
 I am 29 and been with my fiancee for almost a year, she is 17 now. She has made me the happiest I have ever been.
We have had our troubles like everybody, but she is my soul mate and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): I have recently met a man 18 years older than me and I did freak out when I found out how old he was. I am 22 and he is 40. However even though we haven't been together very long he has made me the happiest I have ever been. He knows everything about me and I am the 1 with the baggage even though he is divorced with kids, yet he is very supportive and nothing bothers him. I do have worries about how my family will react if we make it to the stage that I tell them. My 1 friend has met him and says go for it but my other friend says he is too old. I think my family would find it very difficult. I would love to know how others have handled this?
As for age and whether it matters once I would have said yes it does matter but now I agree with the maturity thing. He goes out on the town more than I do and seems far more youthful than me but I can tell him things I couldn't tell a guy my age.
I don't know how long it will last or anything but at the moment I am happy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): absolute rubbish re 15 years or more being a problem, I am 36 my man is 21, we are blissfully happy and I AM THE YOUNG VIBRANT one, at 21 he is quiet and content with life as it is, doesnt like going mad with his mates etc, in fact he is the "adult" in our relationship.......although I am not immature I am very lively!
Go for it, you will be fine, age is but a number.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): Hey, well im only just 18 and my other half is 32. We were together a while back but people especially my family were so horrible to us because of the age gap it was impossible to stay together. We go back together after 7 months of seeing other poeple and have been together for 2 years now. The only problems i have is sometimes i tell mates he is a younger age than what he really is and because he looks young he can get away with it and also i hate the fact that he has "been" with so many other women in his past. I have had afew ex boyfriends he has been with well over 40 poeple i rekon. So apart from those two issues i cannot grumble. Now poeple have bothered getting to know him they se ehim as the bloke he really is. Nice, helpful, funny and protecting. It really isnt that bad! and never break it off because of other people. If you break up it should be because you both have decided. Good luck.x
...............................
A
female
reader, AllyS +, writes (12 March 2006):
I am looking for contributors for a magazine feature about how fathers respond to their daughters choosing men significantly older than themselves. Has anyone experienced complications with their father because of this?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): Hi . i am 44 and my wonderful g,f of 18 months is 19 ... she has every thing her freinds can only dream of.. a nice car house ect freedom to do as she pleases as i work from 6.30 am until midnight several days a week and most weeks 7 days . I know she loves me as much as i love her and it is excepted by all who know us . they all think she is a lucky girl ... i know i am a lucky guy .. all things are good if both are happy even tho i know one day she will move on . i say the worst years of my life were when i had nothing and no security why should she ever suffer when there is some one who respects her loves her and as regards sex ? .. Its her that wants that side of things more than me but i do not feel abused . I do not feel like a dad figure .. i dont really like younger women as a rule its just love can pop up any time ?. also I am into the dance scene big time ( rave trance ect ) .. she likes 60s and 70s music ..I say if you love some one then true love overcomes all problems .. Also she is a very pretty and attractive girl well aware she can have any man ... she just chooses to be with who siuts her best for now
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2006): I am 22 years old and my partner is 49. We have the best relationship ever. I have friends of all ages, and we met through them. We both love each other, and have been living together for a year now. People who say that age gap relationships don't work, well they are wrong, i am totally in love with my partner and he feels the same. Age is just a number and you are only as old or as young as you feel. We have many of the same interests, we both spent a lot of time socialisng together with friends, and also socialise apart. The sex is amazing we both want it as much as each other. I am happy and wilol continue to be so.
...............................
A
female
reader, miss_eepy +, writes (10 January 2006):
I am 23, and I live with my 39-year-old boyfriend of 8 months. This is the healthiest, happiest relationship I have ever been in. I was so tired of dating silly, immature younger guys who couldn't commit because they had no idea what they wanted. Also, I never shared their interest in video games, getting drunk, etc.
My current boyfriend and I met through a shared interest in comparative religions. We both love to read about religion and history, watch What Not to Wear and Project Runway (his metrosexual side has shown itself under my influence :)), and enjoy "strange" music and movies -- although my threshhold for strangeness is a bit lower than his :)
We support and encourage each other in our lives and careers, and I believe I have a positive influence on his three kids, aged 7-14. And, I might add, I have never had better or more frequent sex in my life ;)
In general, I would say that age-gap relationships are the same as any other relationship, in that the 2 people must share similar interests, as well as a similar "pace" (social, intellectual, sexual, etc), and a similar (Or even identical) level of commitment for the relationship to be strong. I have found such a relationship, and I hope that you will find happiness as well.
miss eepy
...............................
A
female
reader, md +, writes (14 July 2005):
Tabbie,I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 47. We've been seeing each other for almost a year now, and it's the best releationship I ever could have wanted. But, I only know that because I've already been in a long relationship before. From experience I just know what I value in a relationship..and with my current boyfriend; I have all that.The age difference makes him more insecure than me. But I can understand that. He's almost 50 and that frightens him a lot. When he looks at me, he feels old...and that's the problem...In our case, he's the one with the insecurities...the fear that I might leave him when he gets older...But he loves me...More than i could ever imagine...But there's always those things you just can't know..Right now we get along perfectly..We have so much incommon..and we love eachother for our personalities (although the sex is just amazing :)..And that's all we can do...love each other..work for this relationship...and always keep talking about our feelings...that's all you can do...And as the years go by, hopefully our relationship will have developed such a strenght that we can deal with bigger issues later on...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2005): It depends on the maturity of the two people. My opinion only, but I feel 15 years or more is too much of an age gap and here are the reasons:
If you are young, full of energy with a vibrant personality, then you will want to remain hanging out with your friends who are close to your own age, while your older partner will not find this too intriquing for very long and prefer a quieter lifestyle. Older people are much more settled. If the person is 45 or older their lives could be slow down to a much wanted slower pace of life. If the person is 50 and older they could have health problems and if so are you willing to see them through all this? One has to be honest with themselves and be sure they are not replacing a space in their life for a mother/father figure/mentor. Depending on the age of the older person many over 50 enjoy life to the fullest but do love the solace of their home at times, gardening, having some head space on their own and being very independent. Personally, I don't feel a person that is under the age of 25 is able to decide what is really good for themselves when it comes to age gap relationships. There is a full life out there for them to lead. Their heart may be in the right place, but their spirit is eager and ready to taste so much of life. A person who is over 15 years older..has experienced life and is ready to move into a totally new direction..usually leading a much quieter lifestyle. Many people under 25 should date within their own age groups...as most of them have a strong desire for adventure and active lifestyles. For many relationships where there is an age difference of 15 to 20 years or more, there will be a disparity in the sex drives of the two people involved. This disparity could be a contributing factor to infidelity if it drives one party to seek sexual fulfillment outside the primary relationship. Lifestyle differences, moral values, even differences in seemingly minor things such as tastes in music, reading, or entertainment may eventually cause the couple to be unable to relate to each other because of a “generation gap.” If one party begins to seek out members of his or her peer group because they have more things in common with each other, it can lead to problems -- especially if that person is a member of the opposite sex.
But aside from all that, some age gap relationships work well. It really depends on the two people involved. If it feels comfortable then go for it. But.......one thing I want to point out, that bothers me is when I hear of teenage girls 13-18 dating men in their 20's, 30's and 40's. These men are sick and should be avoided at all costs. A teen girl is in my books, is still a child and should only date her peers. When she is an adult, only then should she make the choice of whether she wants to date the older man. The same applies to older women and young male teens. These type of relationships are so off-balanced and perverse...that older people who prey on teens are definitely "pedophiles" in my books.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinksoftkitten +, writes (12 July 2005):
The only advice there is for an age gap of more than 15 years is to take each day as it comes, each partner must live and let live, you will want to do things your partner wont be keen on, so it's about taking it slowly, and lots of compromise on both parts. Each have your own interests, plus all the things you like to do together. If you can strike a balance between their needs/goals/desires, and your own, you'll be just fine. Most of all, don't rush into anything!!
...............................
|
