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I want to hide the fact that I'm not a virgin.

Tagged as: Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 July 2007) 8 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2007)
A female Pakistan age 30-35, anonymous writes:


i had sex with my boy friend for 8 to 12 time, now i am going to marry a man of my parents choice, i want to start a good life, i want to hide that am not virgin. how can i do this pleas help me. pleas

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007):

If you really think it would matter to him then make up a little lie.That you had broke it yourself when you were a kid.

The piece of tissue can brake easily once your doing splits in gymnastics or if you use a tampon dosent necersarily mean you had sex.

But its always good to tell the truth.But then again lying is not a very good thing to do.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007):

I think youre stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. You have got to tell a very very wicked lie , or face the music with your family.

I feel sorry for you but I feel even more sympathy for your new husband. I'm glad I'm not in his shoes.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007):

"love-him" is not quite right - it is not possible to tell if a women is a virgin since some women's hyman will break naturally before they loose their virginity.

It is a very damaging myth that women who have broken hymens must have had sex before, one that causes serious problems when a husband finds his wife has no hymen and assumes she has lied to him and has sex before.

It is also not true at all about being able to tell if a girl is a virgin based on how "tight" she is. A women's vagina muscles naturally tighten after a period of not having sex. And again, all women are made differently, some women are naturally smaller than others.

You do have an option of corrective surgery, however, you need to remember that many women do not have a hyman anyway, and that by having surgery will NOT make you a virgin again.

A man has no way of knowing if you are a virgin, so I suggest if you wish to appear a virgin to a future husband that you tell him you are one and you act like it when you're intimate together.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (3 July 2007):

Danielepew agony auntI see you're from Pakistan. I suppose you're moslem and, if you are, then I understand how important this is for you. I'm afraid that people from other societies do not really understand what is at stake here. Honesty would not be appreciated. It would be a hell of a mess. And, word would spread and you would have serious problems yourself. I'm afraid corrective surgery would not be that easy to have in Pakistan. I hope I'm wrong in this one.

I suppose you could follow the advice by YummyMummy. I'm sorry I can't say anything else myself, but, I'm a man, you see.

I suppose you know this, but let me say it again: the value of a woman does not depend on whether she is a virgin. I know you have a whole culture against you, though.

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (2 July 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntIf you really want to keep hidden you are a virgin then don't tell anybody you've had sex in the past.

Remember back to your first time and be like that during the first time with your new guy.


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A female reader, love-him United Kingdom +, writes (2 July 2007):

love-him agony auntHi babe, are you planning on hiding it from your husband to be?? cos that will be incredibly hard, you have already had your hymen broken, and it is very clear who is a virgin or not, by how tight you are.. hope i help, mail me if u wanna talk x x x

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A female reader, burningbridges Canada +, writes (2 July 2007):

Well, you could get corrective surgery. Personally it's not fair to the man you marry not to tell him the truth, but if nobody in your society will understand, as with all deceptions, keep it simple. Just don't act like you know exactly what you're doing (you won't anyway, every man is different) and if he notices the lack of hymen claim (to your shame) you had an accident that broke it and you didn't dare tell anyone. Horseback riding, tampons, falling and gymnatics may all break a hymen, so any of those excuses might work.

But even if it does, you're still not being fair. What if he saved his virginity for the girl he was to marry?

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (2 July 2007):

Jamer70 agony auntWell at first when i saw this question i was going to say you should tell the truth.

But seeing the rest im guessing being a virgin is part of your culture. Is it?

If you want to hide it just dont tell whoever you dont want to know. Whether its your husband-to-be or parents. Its very difficult to tell who is and who is not a virgin.

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