A
male
age
41-50,
*eadEyeDick
writes:Ok guys, this question is kind of a follow up to the original problem I was dealing,with, but seems to be a whole different monster, my girlfriend of 8 years, has a very unique and beautiful quality about her, but it is also a double edge sword, she is very vey very giving, (not in that sense)she is always giving to everyone, and refuses or has a very difficult time accepting things for herself, even for xmas, she is so caught up in making sure everyone gets, she hardly knows what she wants when you ask her, well lately I posted a question, to make it quick we broke up over another guy, I tried to get back and she refused, well fast forward to now, she is still refusing I found out she banged the dude once, and apparently it was a hump and dump, I did digging last night, and caught onto something, she seemed emotionless, and cold, about everything, well long story short, she feels like all she's done is given her whole life, and I guess the shit caught up to her, because she says she cant give anymore and feels happy alone,(that's the opposite of the regular her) but I had to be the first to step up and knock off some blame, when your with someone for 8 years, and they give and give and give, I must stress, ive never intentionally used her for anything, but when you get, and get and get, over 8 years, I guess I began to just keep taking and paid less attention to the giving back part, this isnt one specific area, im not talking like money, or favors, just everything in general, I believe she banged this guy, feeling like if she gave it to him, he would make good on all the shit he had promised her, and appreciate her, but in turn he did appreciate it, and did give back, but not on the level she was looking for, my question to you guys, is this, I made some major headway last night, on the guides of I wasnt trying to jam her back into a relationship, she seems a little bit more willing to let me in, now that ive stressed I want to help her out of this situation, and not like I said force her back into a relationship, I truly feel guilty and bad, and I need to approach this with caution, as it would be very easy to by habit to start treating her like a girlfriend again, and lose focus, do any of you guys have any ideas on what way I could go about making her feel appreciated, and showing her im there to give and make right? it's not just me by the way, but im just the only one that cares enough to truly feel bad she's in the state she's in, what method should I use in handling this, your 2 cents would be greatly appreciated. thanks
View related questions:
broke up, money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (16 March 2010):
DeadEyeDick is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just an update, I got very confused, she almost went out of her way to never talk to me, for anything, she told me she had a hard time talking to me, I tried, and tried, and finally just gave up in frustration, I still have no clue what went on, anybody that maybe could breathe a little insight into what would make her so adament about never speaking to me would be a lot of help, I did find out she has a friend from work(who is an absolute bitch)and really isnt very liked, but she talks to her like 3 hours a day, all I can figure is this chicks somehow convinced her im worthless and she doesnt need me, other then that I dont understand how you could be with someone for so long, have a decent relationship with ups and downs, then never talk the person again, out of nowhere, it bothers me, I have not pursued it for awhile, but it still bugs me tremendously?
A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (26 December 2009):
DeadEyeDick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback, you know, she says she just doesnt feel those feelings now, and she wants to be single, so, I aint going to beg her, appreciate your help bro.
...............................
A
male
reader, HelloItsRobert  +, writes (25 December 2009):
 Well, first of all, I don't think you should feel as bad as you do at this moment in time.
She cheated on you, so she clearly wasn't "giving" any thought to your feelings at the time whilst she was having sex with this guy.
However, I know it's very easy for me to say that, because I'm not part of the relationship, so if I was in your shoes, it'd probably go something like this.
Tell her that all the giving she was doing made her such a wonderful person, tell her how kind she was, and how she constantly made people happy with her actions, but if you don't want to fall back into bad patterns with her, between every other sentence or so, just say something along the lines of "Don't worry, this isn't me trying to get back with you, but..." or "Everything between us is in the past now, but...", and then make your point.
Try to convince her that she needs to take a little from time to time, it's probably just down to the stress of trying to give all the time that's made her feel "broken"
...............................
|
