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I want to have sex, will it hurt?

Tagged as: Age differences, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 October 2007) 51 Answers - (Newest, 21 May 2009)
A female United States age 18-21, *aija writes:

im 12 years old and my boyfreind is 23 years old,we want to have sex will it hurt and will he have to force his penis in me?

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A female reader, emmalou United Kingdom +, writes (21 May 2009):

Your 12yrs old and your "boyfriend" should be locked up the dirty pervert, even contemplating having sex with you is a crime no matter what country your in. I'm sorry chick but you need to stop what your doing right now and be a child because that's what you are and tell your "boyfriend" from me if i knew who he was i report him to the police

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A female reader, ***Nicki*** United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2008):

I think were all missing the point here, this girl asked this question over 1 year ago!!

So i think our question to Daija is, what choice did you make? and is he still around now?

If you havn't slept with him already and he is still around, which i very much doubt then congrats, cos you are still very young, you must be 13 now and this is still too young. im not bothered about the age gap, cos like you i was in to older men when i was young. my first older boyfriend was when i was 13 - he was 21. he never forced me into anything and to be honest he felt bad when he kissed me, he wanted to wait. my mum found out and split us up straight away.

i didnt lose my virginity until i was 16 and had been with my boyfriend who at the time was 20, we were together for almost a year before we did anything as he wanted to wait.

These are the types of older men you should find, not someone who is willing to sleep with you at such a young age.

i am now 21 and i am dating someone who is 39 so age gaps to me dont matter, it is just a number. but the age you lose you virginity at isn't just a number, its your life.

Having sex is just sex, you should wwant to make love and feel closer to someone, but at your age i think you are too young. most of my friends lost theirs at an early age and they all regret it and most now have at least 1 child. but me im happy and ambitious.

im not telling you that the age gap is wrong, all im saying is that wait until your 16 and then decide what you want to do, you may think 3 years is a long time but when you get there you will think that went quick.

My sister is 13 next month and if i even thought she had a boyfriend over the age of 16 i would kick his ass and lock my sister in her room!!

Any way, this may all be Irrelevant now.

Let us know what path you have chosen.

Take care sweet xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008):

this girl does not need any more comments on the age gap its her choice but we all no its not right!

but anyway ur 12!! wat the hell im 15 and found the guy of my dreams we r dating at the moment, i have already told him we r not have sex untill im ready and legal, and he has accepted this is true love! not 12 and 23 (my bf is 16 btw lol) its sick think of your mum going out with a 15 year old! sick! you would be like mum wat r u doin! thats sick, so r u and the perve. he does not want u 4 u he wants u for u fanny and its child molester not right! please ditch him and find the right person

lv ya xx

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A female reader, BigSis United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2008):

BigSis agony auntI was going to say the same thing, Eyes...she's probably been there and done it, ten-fold... by now.

PFFFT!!!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (23 September 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntDoesn't anyone look at the dates?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008):

Ya wanna get a life and get a boyfriend your own age! If he is wanting sex with you, then he must be a pervert or pedo! Stay away from the loser and report him to the Police, as he needs to be put on the Sex Register!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

you are only 12 and it is really gonna hurt. this is cuz you are not devloped yet. please wait until at least 15.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008):

Hi there babes. Ive read your question and i think you should most definitely wait, as you are not fully developed and having a 23 year old insert his penis into your vagina will most definatly hurt! It will hurt more than having sex with someone your age. (even though i still personally think its too young) but we all can only advise! I think personally that a 23 year old haveing a girlfriend thats only 12 years old it very wrong! But nobody really knows how you 2 feel about each other ay!

Just think about a few BIG questions..

1.what would your parents/guardians think?

2.do you really want to go throught he pain?

3.do you want to take the chance of getting pregnant?

4.do you really want to chance your boyfriend going to prison?

^^ think about it babes. ^^

Im not against you, but i really do hope you make the right choice, and don't take a chance of having your life ruined because it happens.

Take care hun.

If you make the choice of having sex make sure...

1.you use protection

2.you speak to your boyfriend if it hurts and make him stop

3.if theres any chance of you thinking your pregnant get help asap.

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008):

hi sweetie, i'm not going 2 lie 2 u what u and ur bf r planning 2 do is wrong. when i was 12 i wanted a baby and set out trying 2 find the right guy 2 bring one up with. i didn't have sex till i was 20 and now i'm 26, i've been married 4 3 years and i still have no baby all i want 2 say sweet heart is it may be what u want 2 do now but it doesn't mean that ur ready 2 do it just wait and see, if this guy truely loves u he'll wait until ur over 16 and ready take care sweetie

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008):

At your age, you should not be having sex, at all!

I was molested when i was 10 and was raped all the way up until i was 13, and i can tell you a body that old just isn't ready for sex! and if he damages you then you will have to get it fixed, is it really worth all that trouble, and i don't understand your motivation, sex wasn't even on my mind, you shouldn't be having sex at that age!!!

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A female reader, Mushgirl United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2008):

Mushgirl agony auntFind a boyfriend that wasn't born when big hair and spandex were cool.

I can understand a naive 12-year old wanting to go out with a 23 year old. I can forgive a 23 year old for falling for a 15 year old. That's life. You can't plan who you get a crush on.

You can, however, choose not to act on your wishes. This man is a pedophile. You are not even a teenager yet, and he is years PAST being one. Maybe he's hot or something, or nice to you, but leave it at that. Imagine if you were 23. Why the HELL would you date a 12 year old?

xxx

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A female reader, stefloves you 411 United States +, writes (30 August 2008):

stefloves you 411 agony auntsweetheart i am 14 and i was rapped when i was 6 and the frist time i wanted it was with a 27 year old and we did do it i fell in love with him and he broke my heart so i can not say anything about age i am just going to tell u it will hurt the frist like 2 times but then it will feel good and use protection

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

honey why would you have a boyfriend that is 23? i am 18 and my boyfriend is 19. I am not a virgin and it hurt a little when we first had sex. you still need to what.

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A male reader, john wayne United States +, writes (21 May 2008):

it depends really lube it and try it may hurt the first time

use a condom

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008):

sorry but your 23 year old boyfriend is a perve and in england if a 23 year old was going out with any one younger than 16 he can go to prison and me and all my mates think you and hi are discusting

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008):

yes it wil not 0nly hurt you but your parents when they find out and your bf when the police catch him

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008):

let me tell you a story. i have a friend, who when she was 12 decided that she was going to have sex with her boyfriend who was 16. Both lovely people and both were virgins. He didnt pressure her into it at all.

BUT it hurt her, she bled, and then low and behold, 9 months later she had a baby which hurt a hell of alot more and bled a hell of alot more.

now she is 16, having the baby has forced her to grow up far too quickly, she has missed out on being young completely. And her boyfriend got in alot of trouble.

Do you want to do that to yourself. No offence, but your boyfriend is disgusting to be going out with someone so much younger than him (you are very young.)

Imagine you being with a 1 year old? would you do that?

Dont ruin your life. you will regret it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008):

Personally, I think you're too young to be having sex. I think you should wait. Why don't you masturbate? You're only 12 - you have your whole life ahead of you. I think you should also find someone a little closer to your age.

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A female reader, XxdipskateXx United States +, writes (29 December 2007):

I am almost 13.And i lsot my virgenity almost a year ago.TRUST me u will regret it.It didnt hurt me, but everyones diffrent.There are seriouse consiquences.I am noone to be judging.But seriously 23?stick to someon around our age if your going to do it at all.Listen to us.I know what your going through.

XOXO,lots of love

MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION!

if u wanna talk you can im me on aim if u have it, at XxdipskateXx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007):

it's sick, you're only 12 and he's 23 or whatever, that's gross, im 17 and scared to have sex with a 20 yr old cause of the age gap! im suprised ur mother hasnt sown u up .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007):

pleaase listen to me im 12 to.this guy wants to hurt u and its ileagle to have sex with somone that much older than u.i would wait till ur 16 and have found someone that u truly love that wont presure u.thats wut im gona do.please believe me

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007):

i have a daughter your age and just found out not long ago she lost her virginity however my advice to her was stay with someone round ur age otherwise someone older then 16 can be charged with rape and carnal knowledge so break it of with him and find someone ur own age

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007):

wow i cnt believe that you'd even consider ur 1st time at that age. Why would you want to have sex at 12? I'm not goin 2 mention the age gap 'cos i met a guy one night and we kissed and keep in contact and the age gap is the same as yours, but i would never consider having sex with him and i'm 16, legal and a virgin. So i fink you shouldn't b even dating this guy, you are 12 and i fink that might not be too early 4 a relationship, but definatly 2 early 4 sex.

That's if this is even a true question. Please listen to the advice ppl here have given u and w8 til you are mature enough to have sex, cos you'll regret it with this older man

xx take care xx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007):

He should be in jail for trying to have sex with someone your age.

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A female reader, Fallen Aangel United States +, writes (9 November 2007):

..................wow.........all i can say is wow.

my love your only 12. and he is 23. look i'm 17 now ok and let me tell you a little sumthing just think of me as a big sister. when i was 12 i was in love wit a guy that was 20 OMG! He is very good looking, smart, and studing to become a cop. And he got realy attached to me. On day i told him how i felt and he gave me my first kiss. but he knew it was wrong and he was so ashamed of him self. I was in heven of corse because i wasnt thinking. anyway in my mind he and i were dating and everything. and since got my period since i was 7 i learned about sex at a very young age. i thought about having my first time with him. but as time past my mom a few days latter asks me about what i did with him the other day. so i told her the truth. she got up set for a second corrected me and told me that he could of gotton in trouble because things could of escalated from their. now i'm almost 18 and i'm still in love with him. and its ment to be. he has waited for me all this time. and i ready. so look what i'm trying to say is wait it's more beautiful if you wait. and if he loves you he will wait, and if he is not a vergin he will know to take it easy and it might not hurt.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007):

its illegal as he would have committed statutory rape. 12 is way to young to have sex. he should no better at 23. you shouldnt be in a relationship like this with him at your age.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

Your to young, if you loose your virginaty now your goin to regret it. Loads of girls loose it and then regret it. WAIT, if you asking about it, it clearly means your not ready!! and it wil hurt it hurts 1stt time x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

dont do this u are far to young. im 15 now but when i was 12 i had sex and i got pregnant and the baby died when i gave birth and now cause i had sex i can never have kids. and just to answer your question it does hurt.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

umm... you're not 16 yet. That means you can't even give consent to have sex with someone older than 18 yet. Meaning no matter what, this is rape. And he'd be charged and sent to jail as soon as anyone finds out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

Maybe it's a typo - she's 12, he's 13? Though I have to say it's too early still. It's not a reasonable age to start having sex, don't do it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007):

DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!!

i had sex at age 11 and it hurt u can get pregant u dont want to my bff got pregnat at age 13 and die right after the baby was born im not tryin to scare u but it is true

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007):

i was 12 when i first had sex n yes it really hurts but my boyfriend was my age your boyfriend is sick anybody 5 years older then you is classed as a paedophile and if your mother finds out she will most defenitly press charges on him and he will be locked up its best you get out of in right now before he takes advantage of you and find somebody nice your own age and dont rush its not worth it you hav your whole life ahead of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! really love hunni. x

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A female reader, draggon United Kingdom +, writes (23 October 2007):

what !!!!!! 12 years old surely it is a joke but if not this 23 year old should be in jail for even thinking of wanting sex with a 12 year old whatever does your parents think i would go ballastic i have a 14 year old daughter and i surely would not let her have sex with a 14 year old never mind a 23 year old he must be sick in the head or not all there to even ask a 12 year old for sex please end it with this guy u are far too young u got ya whole life ahead of u you have plenty of time to have sex and there is more to life than sex as well. xx

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A female reader, stina United States +, writes (22 October 2007):

stina agony auntI have a feeling that this question is bunch of crap, but if it isn't:

You need to realize that you're being used, your "boyfriend" will end up in jail, you may have psychiatric problems in the future or problems with trust and having sex, and that the link to Dear Cupid should be at the top of your "favorites" list because you're going to be here an awful lot if you go through with your potential plans.

You're going to do what you want to do; none of us can stop you, but this is my feeling on your plans: don't have sex with this weirdo.

Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

babe, listen to everyone here. it may seem like we're all against you, but all we are trying to do is help. surely you can see why we are worried. for my part i just wish you didnt have to deal with it alone. dont let him pressure you. im 15 and i wouldnt dream of having sex with a 23yr old! its in your hands sweetie. please just think about what could happen. do you think he wants to have sex with you because he loves you? it will hurt to say NO to someone you love but it will hurt much more when he leaves you. PLease dont do it.

Lots of love and God protect you. XxxX

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

[I don't actually think this is a serious post, but just in case...]

Yes, it will hurt... perhaps not so much for you, but for him when he goes to jail and is repeatedly subjected to forced homosexual sex.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

Hunny

This is so wrong its against the law!!!! and he should be thinking of not being with someone of your age, This is trouble and the police should be involved, Please do not let him touch you at all and get him out of your life how on earth did you start dating a 23yr old at your age.

Do not allow him to tell you sex is ok it is not ok at your age at all darling, If you are being pressured tell someone straight away LOTS OF LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxx

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A male reader, Somethingeasy United States +, writes (22 October 2007):

Somethingeasy agony auntCall the Cops

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

that guy would go to jail if you had sex. it is counted as rape. dont do it

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A female reader, Blue_Angel0316 United States +, writes (22 October 2007):

Blue_Angel0316 agony aunt If you have read Sweeties answer please go back and read it again. You are 12 hon you have plenty of time to worry about sex. You shouldn't be involved with a 23 year old it isn't a good idea for any reason. Find someone closer to your age for a b/f if you must have one and please do not have sex. You are not old enough to understand what having sex at such an early age can do. To answer the question bluntly........It Will Hurt you and it Could damage you for the rest of your life. Please listen I am a Mother who once had a teenage daughter who is now the Mother of a 12 year old I can't imagine her having sex. It would cause her to have many problems in the years to come. I love her very much and I hope that if anyone ever suggests this to her or someone that age wants to be with her she has the courage to say NO! Care enough about yourself to not let anyone do something that is HURTING YOU! He knows better and he needs to leave you alone. I tell you this because even though I don't know you I care. Find an adult you can trust and talk to them. Don't wait until it's done and you are on the loosing end. You can wind up pregnant or with a sexual disease, some of them can cause blindness or even death. You might be damaging your chances to ever have a baby when you are ready.( much older I pray!)and it can cause emotional damage. PLEASE just say NO!!!!!! You will have plenty of time to find someone who is worth giving yourself to when the time is right (preferably when you are more of an adult0. God bless you and keep you safe.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

Well if he is 23 than I think you should really wait because he is a grown man and it will hurt because your vagina's opening is still small and the lineing over you vagina is still there unless you arent a virgin

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A male reader, Abacadaba United Kingdom +, writes (22 October 2007):

Abacadaba agony auntStop seeing him. a 23 year old should NOT in anyway be even thinking about considering having a sex with a 12 year old. DONT do ANYTHING with him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

Honey ! you should not be having sex at this tender age. Secondly your boyfriend is an adult and you just a child, this is absolutely wrong. please do not do it. He can go to jail for this, this is against the law.Please do not go through with this, you need to have a boyfriend around your own age. You would regret it, and answer to your question, yes it will hurt.You are still young, my advice to you is to wait for some years.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

This a joke. Or at least I hope and pray it is!

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A female reader, Sweetie72 United States +, writes (22 October 2007):

Hi Daija,

You are 12 years old? What on earth do you see in a 23 year old guy? Does he buy you things and treat you nicely? How is your relationship with your Father? Does he "take care of you" and that brings you comfort?

Sweet Daija, do you know that this is a crime and completely and utterly wrong for a fully developed man in his 20's to assault (that's what it is with or without your consent) a 12 year old girl?

Oh you may think that you are ready for sex... or do you think it is love? You are 12 years old. What if you get pregnant? Oh... he'll wear a condom? They aren't a sure thing... and to answer your question... YES... if he is 23 and you are only 12 it will hurt and it will hurt a lot. It will not be the least bit pleasurable since you aren't fully developed. But if you think that pain is an expression of love, than you really shouldn't even be with this guy. IF this guy loves you and you are only 12 --- he will stay with you and wait until you are 18 to have sex. IF he stays with you that long and then wants to have sex with you... then he's a keeper!!

Please think about this and reconsider your decision. I highly doubt that a man that is 11 years older than you will have enough in common with you to stay with you forever... he won't be around... so, let's just picture a possibility of this one night of passion...

one night of passion (for him, because for you it will hurt). Because you are only 12 and will have a 23 year old man's penis inserted into your vagina, you will be ripped open and bleed.... hopefully, not to the point where you need stitches. But if you do, just ask your Mom or Dad to take you to the hospital because you had sex with a 23 year old man... I'm sure they'll take you there. After the stitches heal, you might find out that you're pregnant. CONGRATULATIONS! I'm sure your full-time job will be able to help you support your first-born child. HOPEFULLY, he won't leave you... so I'm SURE you have a wedding ring on your finger and a date planned with your family's blessing, right? I mean, if you're mature enough to have sex at the age of 12, I'm sure you've started investing for your child's future and college fund, right?

Have you really thought about this? The physical, emotional and possible financial consequences of your actions?

I don't know, when I was 12 years old I was too busy trying to get good grades in school so I'd get great scholarships so I could get into a good college and be someone. Why are you trying to grow up so fast????

Take care Sweetie,

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

He has problems dont have sex you are too young especially if its going to be with a 23 year old yes hes a pedophile. Dont let guys get into your head you are too young live life and have fun

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (22 October 2007):

rcn agony auntYou do understand this is not a healthy relationship. This is a big difference. I'm sure that by having this relationship, you don't mind your boyfriend spending time behind bars. You really need to review this before you make a choice that can harm you. Having sex with a full grown adult can cause permanent damage, which may ruin your chances of ever being a mother.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (22 October 2007):

Collaroy agony auntO.K.. if this is not a joke ( and I pray that it is ) then I truly hope that this paedophile will be arrested and thrown into jail.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

sorry but 12 years old is far too young to be having sex, not only is it breaking the law but at such a young age it is hard to say whether you are emotionally ready for it. Enjoy your youth as you don't have long left, just have fun and love being a kid! honestly it's way better, you have the rest of your life to worry about relationships and sex...and plus 12 and 23...is a massive age gap, i'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23 and I think that's just about ok. xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

please please don't have sex with him, youre far too young and you will regret it. he is a peadophile if he is this age and willing to have sex with a 12 year old

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007):

Are you really 12? Is your bf really 23? Does anyone know that you are "dating"?

I dont want to judge you, but you are in a very dangerous position here honey. Please please please dont let this man have sex with you. It is paedoplillia, and yes it will hurt, a huge amount, and you will bleed, probably for a few days afterwards. Maybe even longer. And you may harm your body so you will never be able to have babies when ou want them by having sex so young. Please dont do this....

IF you want to talk about it, message me, and ill try to help. I was forced into sex because my boyfriend was 20 and i was 14 and he made me think the only way to keep him was to let him rape me. It totally messed my life up for about 3 years after. SO im not judging, or being holier than thou or anything, i just really really dont want you to get hurt!

let me know what you decide!

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