A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I are very much in love. Things are going great. We've been going out for about 6 months now and so far there hasn't been any major problems. One thing that just kinda bothers me is that she has a friend who she works with on a regular basis let's call him "Pat". Now one thing you have to know about my gf is that she doesn't drink often, the reason is that she is a very big lightweight and gets drunk extremely quickly. She and Pat used to be very good friends and he had a crush on her (this was all before I had ever met her). The one and only time that she had gone to a party on campus and gotten drunk (we both go to the same college) she says that she doesn't remember big chunks of the night, but what she does remember is that she ended up making out with Pat. She doesn't remember who initiated it or what led up to it exactly. What she does know is that nothing was forced and that nothing more than making out happened. Now all of this transpired before I ever knew her. For the most part I'm a little uncomfortable thinking about the situation no matter who the guy is. I don't really know what about it bothers me, possibly the alcohol involvement or the fact that she doesn't remember what led up to the making out. Either way, it ended with that things got akward between them for a while and now they're fairly close again, and they have to work together quite a lot. The fact that it's her friend who she has to work with makes me even more uncomfortable with the situation. I realize that I have no right to hold anyone in this situation at fault because I have an almost identical sitution wtih a friend of mine who I still hang out with. Pat now has a gf of his own who, according to my gf, he is in love with. Now out of the whole thing I trust my gf completely and don't think anything will go on. But for some reason I want to hate Pat. I haven't actually met him yet but I've seen him around (when I was at a party that a bunch of her friends were at). I just want to be a complete jerk to him and kick his ass, which is very out of character for me (and btw I don't actually have any intention of hitting him I just feel like it).I don't get why this bothers me so much. Am I completely nuts for feeling this way? How can I help myself feel better about the situation?[MOD NOTE: I HAVE COMBINED ANOTHER QUESTION HERE FROM THE SAME USER AS I FEEL THEY ARE RELATED]I trust my gf very much and I'm madly in love with her. But there's always this little worry in the back of my head. I don't think she'd ever do something to hurt me but with all of the things I see going on around me with girls who I thought were trustworthy cheating on their bfs or seeing that girls I know who drink cheat even though they NEVER would sober. It worries me because I'd be so crushed if my gf cheated on me. Like I said, I trust her 100% but she's a very big lightweight when she drinks and while I trust her I don't trust the guys who may be around if she's drunk.Am I being paranoid? Is there something I can do to help ease my worries?
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cheated on me, crush, drunk Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Bugs  +, writes (7 October 2008):
 Human beings evolved from monkeys.So the science says.Though I believe We came from Adam and Eve.We must have lived in caves,eaten our food raw thousands of years back.Some of that primitiveness has never left us I guess.You love her and since you feel "Pat" took advantage of her you feel like kicking his ass.Its very natural as long as you don't give in to the urge and do it.:).I have felt like kicking the ass of a girl who just shook my husband's hands albeit unnecessarily.lol.As for as trusting your girl friend goes ask her to drink very light drinks if she's not with you.That way she stays sober and all these issues don;t occur.If she doesn't want to end up in situations like the one with "Pat",I think she should definitely do it.Explain her the potential dangers of the situation with out trying to sound possessive.What if the guy has AIDS or other STDs?If she is not sober how can she be sure that she had safe sex?Put all these points across in a very very loving way.Don't accuse her as this might drive her up the wall.All the best.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  + ♥, writes (7 October 2008):
What you are feeling is natural for a man. You want to hit him, it doesn't make sense but neither does laughing at farting.
It's fine but that doesn't mean it's good.
The fact that you put so much thought into this and the fact it's led to you doubting your girlfriend means you need to do something to stop thinking about it.
Yes she gets drunk easily, so do I, so she just has to be sensible and eat before she goes out and not mix drinks and have lemonades every so often.
You need to recognise when you are thinking about this and make an effort to stop. Take your girlfriend out more and have some fun.
She is with you, not Pat, not anyone else. She picked you! Take full advantage and enjoy being with her rather than worrying about things you can't change and things that probably won't happen.
Good Luck!! xx
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