A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really sad and depressed. I was with this guy in a long distance thing for almost 2 years. It was never really perfect or ideal but I cared about this person a lot. We would fight. He would call me names but iin the back of my head I would think oh he's just upset because we haven't physically met but once we do, it will be better. I was so naive it's pathetic. There were times I was so done with him because of the disrespectful names he would call me bt somehow he always ended up back n my life. I guess it was always that "what if" factor that made me continue to speak to him.. I mean I'm not saying this guy was a complete idiot because I did love him and we had some good moments bt I have to admit the bad outweighed the good simply because I felt he had no respect for me. So one day he visit for the 1st time bt has to unexpectedly cut his vacation short because of family issues back home. I was torn bt I had to respect his decision because his family was more important than what we had going on. It was literally an emergency. .. 3 days go by after he's home and he's barely talking to me. So I ask him what's going on and he begins to yell at me and tells me to go b with my x and calls me names and says how he regrets coming to visit me. I was heart broken. I thought everything went ok. This was all coming from left field. So now 2 months later here I am crying everyday, sad, feeling insecure, heart broken not knowing what to do. I need to get over him I just don't know how. It seems like after we meet, we had sex it's not easy just shaking him off. I'm trying to b strong but it's hard. I know there's someone out there that will treat me like a lady and give me the respect I deserve but I can't get over this guy. I no I deserve better. I shouldn't feel this way. I did nothing to him but love him. I just want to know what went wrong. Why did he leave me? Why hasn't he spoken to me?I texted him about 5 week after the break up asking him if he could talk to me but he never text back. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 The formula for closure on past relationships:
1-Figure out what you did wrong (chosing the wrong person, etc...)
2-Learn from your mistakes (this is about giving meaning to the end of the relationship)
3-Reach a point where you can TRUST YOURSELF not to make the same mistakes again
That will automatically lead you to be able to:
4-Forgive yourself.
I have written some articles on getting over the ex, and did some media interviews as well. You can study them for free at:
http://www.franktalks.com/break-ups/
I wish you healing.
-Frank
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2012):
 honey it's over and done... delete his info...
and then... write him a long long long letter ON PAPER... tell him every and anything you want to say.. make it as long as possible... leave NOTHING out.
put in in an envelope
seal the envelope
you may date the front and put letter to his name on it
then put it in the bottom of a drawer you don't go into often... forget about it...
go out with friends...
meet new people....
take a class (yoga would be my favorite)
HAVE a life
in a few years you can read the letter.... and then you may decide to put it back in the drawer.... or be ready to throw it out.
I just threw out a letter dated 1995... still can remember everything about what made me write the letter... I'd read it a few times over the years and finally a few weeks ago I found it and threw it out...I was ready...
Now how to know you you are healing?
you wake up and he's the first thing you think of
you think of him every second you can...
he's the last thing you think of when you go to bed
then one morning you will wake up and not think of him till you get in the shower
then one day you won't think of him till lunch time...
then one day later on you won't think of him till you lay down to go to sleep.. this is healing...
it's long and slow and painful.... but it's part of life.
...............................
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