A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and very stupidly had a brief relationship with another man a couple of months ago. We were going through a very rocky patch in our marriage and although that isn't an excuse, I feel it was a way of escaping it. The other man is now very cold and distant towards me. I see him most days at school pick up time where he behaves as if nothing is wrong and says Hi and makes small talk. He brings his partner to school now (which he never used to) as if to rub my nose in it. Then last weekend, he sent me a text message with lots of compliments, and then goes cold again and doesn't reply to my messages or want to talk to me alone. I was upset to begin with, but now feel angry with him for perhaps keeping me hanging on to his affections by complimenting me. I've concluded now that it's over and I want to give my marriage everything I've got and will never make the same mistake again. I am seeing it as a hard lesson learned and a lucky escape, but I can't seem to get rid of the anger I'm feeling towards the other man and it just seems to get worse each day. He has confused me and left me hanging with no real explanation. How do I forget about it and get on with my life without feeling so resentful towards him? I feel so stupid for letting him play me, as I was fond of him.
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (18 September 2008):
 Its really good to hear that you are going to try, at least it sounds like your husband is a nice person. More than we can say for the other Guy eh!
Learn your lesson darling, and focus on what's important. XXX Good luck to you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies. Really, I just wanted some closure and I don't like bad feeling between me and anyone. My husband has depression and has his difficult periods but when he's not, he's a loving, caring, faithful person and I will make it work. Thanks again xx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (17 September 2008):
 The grass is seldom greener on the other side, and if it is, people are better off getting out of what they're in before embarking on something else. I dont know where anyone gets their energy from these days. I cant be bothered getting into a normal relationship, let alone 2! hehe
But we have all been there where we regret sending txt, or ringing someone, because you're now thinking you have boosted his ego, and you're the one left wondering if you actually meant anything to them at all!
If your hubby is cool, stick with him and think yourself lucky you have another chance. Atleast you can say you have tried it with another guy, and realised the grass wasn't greener before there was no turning back.
Focus on the positives that have come out of it, not the negatives. If you cant think of any positives, then maybe you need to be away from both these guys and start afresh?
Good luck though.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, CNKlives  +, writes (17 September 2008):
WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS!!? Ok, sometimes we need someone to give us a little tough love... He knew you were married. You were a safe way for him to hook up and it not get messy. He is off to his next girl...let him be. Why are you trying to contact him when he compliments you? Take the compliment, say thank you, and nothing else about it. Doesn't sound like you are trying to give everything to your current marriage if you are so worried about this other man....think about it.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (17 September 2008):
You had an affair, that's what an affair is all about, No strings! no explanations!,no commitment. They nearly always hurt someone, and there is always one that thought more than the other.
I dont know why you are angry, he has decided to make things work in his relationship and you in yours. What do you want him to do, persuade you he made a mistake?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes, you are right, hlskitten, I am angry with myself. I sent him a text message earlier saying I'm sorry it went wrong and hope there are no hard feelings. Haven't had a response, which now makes me feel angry again with myself for even sending it and angry he hasn't responded, even with a 'no hard feelings' reply. I hope he is trying with his partner, as she is a nice woman who loves him. I just realise that I've been naive, weak and stupid in thinking it was more than it was, and in thinking for any brief moment that it was better than what I have with my husband. x
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (17 September 2008):
You're angry with yourself more than him, for letting yourself be used as a fling. He is making a proper go of his relationship now though. Hense the reason he is spending more time with her. And he's possibly scared you will tell her, hense the reason he is flattering you half heartedly. Keep you sweet.
Affairs are just that, affairs, they dont lead anywhere beacuse they start due to people being in limbo. Its no basis for a good relationship to grow.
If you really want to make a go of it with your husband, put your all into it, dont be half hearted about it, or its not going to work.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 September 2008):
Well I think he is probably feeling resentful and hurtful towards you.
You've gone back to your husband! You dumped him!
He's acting like this because he is as mixed up and confused as you are and is probably unsure whether to try again with his partner and spend more time with her (like including her on the school run) or perhaps she is suspicious and demands to come on the school run as she things he's flirting with other parents. (she's right)
He's an ex now. There is resentment on both sides and you just have to act like the affair never happened and get on with the life you chose - i.e. getting on with your husband.
Good Luck!! xx
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