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I want to find my biological father - where do I start?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2007) 19 Answers - (Newest, 26 January 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *onaldo is faf writes:

I want to find my biological father, has anyone got any ideas as to where i can start?? Plz help!!!

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A female reader, Loulabell31 United Kingdom +, writes (26 January 2012):

I think if you can find out his full name that's a start, facebook and friends reunited is a good start. I know it's a long shot I'm in a similar situation!

I don't know my fathers surname only the first, needle in a haystack, i hope you have better luck!

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A female reader, Loulabell31 United Kingdom +, writes (26 January 2012):

I just found out a few days before christmas 2011 that my father wasn't my father by facebook of all things. This was from my sisters ex husband. He thought he'd kindly drop the bombshell as a way of getting back at my sister, who had found out 10yrs previously!!

I'm 30 I live in Egypt which is the country the man i always thought was my dad(He's Egyptian) lives. My mother is British, it turns out she split from my dad for 6 mths and had a fling with a Turkish guy,a few months later she they got back together again and she found out she was pregnant with me, 5mths pregnant! My dad went ballistic and told her no one needed to know and when i was born he put himself on my birth certificate as my father!

I spent my childhood in turmoil because i felt and looked different to my sisters and brothers, I got bullied and felt awful and they allowed me to go through that( I even asked my mum when I was around 8 and she denied it!), to let me find out by facebook message of all things!!!

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A male reader, chaz25 wales Australia +, writes (3 April 2011):

chaz25 wales agony auntam 25 in two week and i been looking for bmy dad for 4 years now becouse my mum wont tell me much but all i can say if he there then you find him at some point that what keep me going

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A male reader, TennisAce United States +, writes (22 March 2011):

I am actually responding to this question for my two brothers who have been in my family all of my life as a child (there were 4 of us). It did not phase me about our differences until we became older adults. We were aware that there were some differences, but not totally convinced and it didn't really matter at the time. Back in my parents days there were a lot of adult like activities such as swapping and also our parents had a lot of friends who they were close to, be it male or females that enjoyed each others company in so many ways. My Mother was an extremely attractive women who most men adored. She was of mixed nationality (black/white)and the men just flocked to her. To make a long story short, my one brother who was the oldest has passed back in 1996, who clearly look like he could pass for a white man. My youngest brother who is still alive looks more a black man with all of the typical features. I also have another brother who is the oldest now that I know is 100% my brother because he and I have all of the typical traits and features that is quite obvious that we have the same father. My father for the longest time has denied my youngest brother in so many ways which has left a scar on his heart because he does look different. My father who also is of mixed nationality (Black/Italian/Native American)has had a identity problem in his past and throughout his life, so in order to fit in society and be excepted by white america, he passed and got by. My older brother was more excepted by my father because he looked the part even though he was not his biological child. My father died back in 2006, and of course it devastated me, but not as much my brother it seemed. Maybe he feels better that he is no longer alive so that he can't be rejected anymore. I am sure he took the lost very hard, but in a different fashion. I asked my brother if he would be willing to take a DNA test, and he said he has been in the family all of these years, so what is the point. It sounds more like denial or afraid to know that he does have a different father than the one he grew up with in which he wanted to embrace and love an also be loved back. My brother is an unhappy man today and continues to reach out for acceptance and love, because I believe he would like to have had a father who would want him unconditionally regardless if it's not his real father. But at the same time, I believe it would make my brother feel happier and full-filled, and possibly live a much better life if he knew he and I shared the same father or was the product of another father. Either one may help him and put closure in his life.

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A female reader, Patrica United Kingdom +, writes (23 December 2009):

On my birth certificate. Do have my fathers name. It is:- R*. He was married briefly to my mum. Then they both divorced. Do know that. R*.remarried. Can you help?

[Mod: Name removed to protect identities]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009):

Since I don't know which country you are in or how old you are..here are the options:

You need to find out his name and hopefully it's not "John Smith".

You can find your birth certificate, (usually its needed to register for school etc) If his name is not on it, you'll have to ask, plead, beg, lock in a dark room with no food or water immediate family that might know his name.

Also try to find cities, names of friends , siblings, hobbies in general the most information you have, the easier it will be.

It will also be good to know if he knows about you or not.

Now...once you have a name....and if you have a credit card or a friend with access to a credit card, depending again on the country your father is you can use 192.com or locateGB.com if you are looking in the UK.

For the US, there are similar services like intelius.com

Most services allow you to search and at least will let you know some vague results so that you get an idea of what they found before you pay.

There is an even easier way that is free although not as accurate depending on various circumstances like your dad's age and whether or not he is likely to be an internet user:

myspace.com , facebook.com and twitter.com

Depending on how lucky you get, all of the above might seem like the easy part.

Making the initial contact will seem harder. Bungee jumping at that point will seem so much more desirable even if you are afraid of heights :)

Worse thing is he doesn't want anything to do with you, in which case at least you know and it is not eating away at you.

Most of what I wrote is from what I did to find my own daughter, although I haven't figured out how to verify that it's really her,without contacting her and "letting the cat out of the bag" so to speak.

So I will wish you luck and may all your searches prove fruitful.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009):

Hi, unknown. I sympathize with your dilemma, and I can try to help.

Check your birth certificate for biological parents, the place where you were born, and if you have any relatives to gather information from. You may invest into a private investigator who has dealt with these situations before. Once you get an idea of a direction, it's about paper trails.

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A female reader, atlantastartedraining United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2009):

My dad left before I was born, aparently he was like that and my mum wasn't the first person who he'd done it to. Social services have looked and they can't find him. Even if he is a complete bastard I need to know who he is. I don't even know why, but I think it's something I need to do. Its just so hard to find any leads what so ever. I'm 17 and i've already been searching for around a year, this is so difficult.

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A female reader, atlantastartedraining United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2009):

My dad left before I was born, aparently he was like that and my mum wasn't the first person who he'd done it to. Social services have looked and they can't find him. Even if he is a complete bastard I need to know who he is. I don't even know why, but I think it's something I need to do. Its just so hard to find any leads what so ever. I'm 17 and i've already been searching for around a year, this is so difficult.

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A female reader, Madaleine United Kingdom +, writes (9 July 2008):

I found out through my younger sisters that their dad was not mine at the age of 13, I asked my mother if it was true and she said yes, ever since then i have been trying to find him with no luck I am 36 now and its hurting me like there is something missing, a part of a jigsaw my own mother wont tell me anything so i am trying to get my family to talk but they are all closing up on the information. If anyone can help or give me advice let me know please.

thanks x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008):

i think u should start lookin on the internet im looking for my dad 2 and it hurts cause its so hard to find him

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A female reader, starfairy United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

starfairy agony auntI felt really sad when I read Denze's reply...The information is there but her Mom won't give it to her...How could you withold that from your child :o(

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A female reader, denze United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

hi i was adopted 20 years ago and all i know is where he used to work but its not there anymore and my bilogical mother will not tell me his name or anything only wer he used to work. i really dont know what to do. its like my life at the moment is like a jigsaw and i need to find him to make my life complete. please if anyone knows how or where to start i would b very gr8ful

laura

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

Hi I'm Emily and I'm searching for my father too, I'm only 18 and I was a bit confused as well!

I tried Genesreunited.co.uk, and I thought I was on the right track but then discovered that you have to pay for it, if you're willing to pay £10 you could be on the right track. If not find family members that would be willing to help and that you think could have some information. In my case this isn't really an option because most members never want to see him again, but I have to find him. Something's missing and I need to know if he's like me or not! I hope you search goes well. x

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A female reader, allib United Kingdom +, writes (3 June 2008):

allib agony auntfinding your father is a difficult operation, be careful and dont get your hopes up, even if you do find him, make sure he deserves you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008):

i want to too...bt im 13 :@

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008):

I am looking for my dad to but i cnt seem to find any thin that works have you had any luck yet if so please tell me how

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007):

The best way to start finding your dad is finding his first and last name. Get any of his families names. There addresses and your fathers old address that you have. Then see if you can go online on the internet and put in finding biological dad if it doesn't work go to you social services or a place were your certificate was made and give them the information and they can start helping you to look. The only other option you have is to sit down talk to your mum and try and get as much information as possible and take it to social services it the best way .

thanks

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A female reader, LISAXXXG United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2007):

LISAXXXG agony auntfriends reunited is always a good place to start if you know his first and last name, if your mum is supportive of it ask her some questions about him and see if she can remember an address or tel no. google his name? good luck hun xx

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