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I want to end the relationship but I'm scared I'm pregnant

Tagged as: Breaking up, Pregnancy, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 November 2018) 6 Answers - (Newest, 25 November 2018)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi I’m in a relationship for 6 years we have a 3 yr old son lately all I think about is ending the relationship I’m not happy at all he does nothing for our child I do everything in the house I go to work and I look after our son the problem is I’m 5 days late on my period and I’m terrified I’m pregnant because I could not stand to bring another child up with this man things were great when we first met them all of a sudden they changed he stopped spending time with me and he’s so childish if we have a argument he will pull faces at me behind my back I’m just to the point I’ve had enough I don’t know what to do what would you do in this situation any advice greatly appreciated thank you

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2018):

If it turns out you are pregnant, have an abortion and end the relationship. That's what I would do and have done with no regrets. After it's done make sure you use some sort of birth control so this never happens again unless you're with the right person and you both agree to wanting another child.

Best to you.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (24 November 2018):

mystiquek agony auntI know this is a stressful time for you but stress can cause your menstrual cycle to be out of wack so try to remain as calm as you can. I've had mine be up to 2 weeks late because of anxiety/stress. Get yourself a pregnancy test so you can at least figure out what is really going on. I'm pretty sure that nowdays the tests can determine quite early is you are pregnant or not. If you don't trust them then make yourself an appt at a clinic or go to your doctor so you know where you stand.

I agree with honeypie that whether you are pregnant or not if you don't want to be with this man then end it. If you are pregnant it really isn't going to change anything and why be saddled with someone that you don't want to be with plus having a child? If you have the financial means to make it on your own, get out. Do you have family that will support you if you need a little help?

Having or not having the baby is totally up to you and your beliefs. If you chose not to have it and don't wish to have the child be adopted then the sooner the better to go through with things. The farther along you are, the more complicated things become.

Don't stay if you truly aren't happy. You've spent 6 years with this man, he isn't going to change. He doesnt sound like a catch, I'd throw him back.

Good luck sweetie. I hope things turn out the way you want them to.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (24 November 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony aunt1) No more sex. You shouldn't have anyway, but you did. No more.

2) Do a few pregnancy tests. If you are pregnant, speak to a doctor about your options. It's not a baby yet; it's just an embryo, so there's no shame in having an early abortion because you're in the process of becoming a single mother to a 3 year old and leaving your partner to live on your own somehow. If you do decide to keep it, then you'll need to have a solid plan in place to deal with a newborn on top of leaving him and becoming a single mother to two 100% dependent children.

3) Speak to family and find a way to leave him, taking your son with you and legally arranging child support and visitation/joint custody.

Personally, I would take the test and get an abortion ASAP, before it becomes a foetus/baby, if I was pregnant. Being a single mother to one is hard enough. Adding a newborn when trying to leave your partner and start all over again with your three year old? Nightmare. Some don't have a choice because they find out too late or something, but you do because you've noticed now.

Regardless of what I would do, you need to figure out what you can COPE with BEFORE this "clump of cells" embryo becomes a baby, if you take 2 or 3 tests (or a doctor test) that says pregnant.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (24 November 2018):

Anonymous 123 agony auntI dont understand how and why you're still having sex with this bozo when nothing about him is right! And unprotected sex at that!

Take the test, accept responsibility if you're pregnant and if you're not, then look at making your life better.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (24 November 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou have decided you want to end this relationship, so end it. Then find out IF you are pregnant; this is no time for guess work. IF you are pregnant, you need to make a decision quickly on what you are going to do about it. Even if you separate, your husband will need to pay maintenance for his offspring.

If you find you are NOT pregnant and it takes time to get out of this relationship, then act responsibly and use contraception.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 November 2018):

Honeypie agony auntFirstly, does the pregnancy really matter in this?

Normally, I'm ALL for kids being born in a FAMILY with actual parents, who WANTS to be parents and who puts in the work, emotions, effort etc.

But your guy doesn't DO that. So what the outcome would be if you decided NO, I'm done with this guy. I deserve better and my kid(s) deserve better too? The outcome would be that you had to become a single mom. At least for a while.

Part from financial involvement (which he might provide now) I don't see a down side to ending it. You could still get some financial help from him, and yes, he might want to claim he wants to be involved but I doubt he would actually do it.

So, YOU have to decide what YOU feel is best for you and your kid(s).

5 days late can mean stress. BUT DO go buy a test so you know where you stand before making a decision.

If you are NOT pregnant, then what? End it and move on?

And if you are pregnant? I don't see it really altering anything.

If you don't feel you can handle 2 kids on your own you have 2 options:

1. carry to term and adopt the child out.

2. not have the child.

It comes down to YOUR morals, values, religion and personal beliefs.

Either way, TAKE the test so you know for sure.

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