A
male
age
16-17,
*azzedUp
writes:I've been talking to a girl recently after a terrible long-term relationship of mine ended. This new girl is kind, loving, quiet, and has a heart of gold, but she also has flaws. She was raped as a child by her own mother and her mother's countless boyfriends. She doesn't rememebr any of it thank God, but it doesn't make her any happier either. And she has an attachment disorder (has a hard time letting go of people) and I'm afraid that if I decide to date this girl, and I have to break things off with her, I'm afraid of what may happen. I just don't her to get hurt like I was in my last relationship. Yes the irony is killing me too. Please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dianamd  +, writes (3 December 2009):
the thought of dumping isn't a good thought at all......she is a human being,as u mentioned what happend with her in past is really awkward and painful event of her life...
if she too fell in love with u and then u want to dump her then i think it wll break her heart of gold.
she need care and love and she deserves good life further ..u probably the right person who can make her forget all her past and give her new happy life ..think over it and proceed..but u have intention of dating and then dumping then its my advice don't date nor dump ..stay far and search other girl who can easy go even if u dump her.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  + ♥, writes (3 December 2009):
Well that's great. But still give her time. She hasn't gotten over it, otherwise she wouldn't be like she is in a relationship. Be a good friend a this moment, nothing more.
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A
male
reader, JazzedUp +, writes (3 December 2009):
JazzedUp is verified as being by the original poster of the question I"m so sorry I forgot to point out that she was taken from her mother after social services found out about the rape. She was adopted by a very good foster family.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (2 December 2009):
I do agree with older sister. I think at this moment, she needs to be able to focus on her own life without any complications. I'm sure she is a lovely girl, but one day she might have flashbacks, or serious depression could set in and you could find yourself in a terrible situation. I think at this time, it would be better to not go out with her. Be a good friend, nothing more.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (2 December 2009):
 Ok, if you were my son I'd be very concerned about your well-being by getting involved with this girl. What she's gone through is simply horrible and I'm not saying she's damaged goods but what I'd be concerned about is given her disorder, she may try to harm herself if you do decide to move on and I wouldn't want that on your conscience- too heavy for a teen to deal with and not fair to her or YOU. The other thing I don't like would be you being exposed to any kind of adult influence like her mom, who is clearly sick and whoever raised her probably isn't someone I'd want you to ever be exposed to either- some awful stuff going on in that family environment and I don't think it started with the mother.
I think if you do insist on being involved with this girl, have her come to your house and don't ever go over where she lives. The other thing I'd be really careful about is not getting involved too fast with too many emotions, that may be something a well adjusted teen could get over but someone as vulnerable as her might not recover from that. There is also the issue of sexual involvement and I think it would be highly irresponsible of you to get involved with her that way. You have very valid concerns and you sound pretty mature, I'm sure you will really think about this and make a good decision. There is always the option of being her friend, probably what she needs most right now rather than a boyfriend.
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