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female
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anonymous
writes: my ex-bf wants to get back with me now, but I have moved on after 3 months of begging I'm starting to get a life. he says it's now or never, if i agree to get back with him, he'll make me happy as he says he's changed and realized he shouldn't have left me in the first place. if i say no he says he'll never come back again.thing is, i'm just not yet ready for a serious relationship again now. we're both 18 and i want to have fun first and get to know other people. i want to experience single life and be free. when we're together i get too dependent and too addicted to him and i realized its wrong i dont want to feel the pain again. however, im certain it's him i want to be with forever, i lost my vrgnty to him, and in our culture vrgnity is really important. he's the best boyfriend i ever had, i know he's sincere that he's changed. i want to marry him when i'm finished schooling and i dont want to lose him forever.i'm not ready to get back with him yet because i dont want the problems that come w/ it, but he says i'll lose him forever if i dont accept him now. i know he's sincere and we love each other, but i just dont want a relationship now! i want to try again after a few years but he says it's now or never. what should i do? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ellie6 +, writes (24 November 2006):
 i don't think you should get back together, i mean, you split up for a reason, and you're right, you should be having fun and dating guys and meeting new people whilst you have the chance. you've got plenty of time for serious relationships when you're older.
i think he's just trying to threaten you and bully you into getting back with him by saying you'll lose him forever, surely if he loved you that much then he'd either wait for you, or date other girls and have some fun himself, not say you'll never be together again.
i think you know the answer, because you said "i'm not ready to get back with him"- you said yourself you've just built a new fun life without him, why give all that up?? i think you'll regret giving into him when you're older because you'll mix out on all the fun and dating at college, and you'll be tied to someone.
you also said you get too dependent on him, i know the feeling, i'm like that with my boyfriend, so i think the best thing for you is to get some of your life back, don't give up on all that just because he's decided he wants you back. he finished your relationship for a reason?
you don't want a relationship right now, so why give up your freedom???? if you lose him forever, then it just wasn't meant to be. and you never know, you might find somebody even better!!!!!!!
good luck x
A
female
reader, Raen +, writes (24 November 2006):
I think you know the answer here, because while reading your posting, my impression is that you don't want to get back together.
And that's ok.
His ultimatum is, well, not acceptable. I would be mad.
Mad because he made the original decision that you both weren't meant to be together.
Angry because now, after 3 months of hurt, and healing, after finally accepting that he was right and after feeling ok about my new path... He wants to get back together. Actually… the getting back together part would probably make me feel secretly good, because it's admission on his part that he was wrong. However, it’s not the right time for it.
But giving you the "It's now or never" crap, well, that’s the eye-popping anger-over-board statement! That’s infuriating.
Trust yourself.
While it’s the crappiest thing you’ve probably ever had to deal with - heart break – it’s probably the best thing that could have happened because it sounds as though it made you realize how strong of a person you are on your own.
If he has TRULY loved you, he’d wait for you to be ready for him. He wouldn’t make ultimatums about his feelings for you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): The thing that is most important is is if you are hapy.and if he loves you the way you say he does then he should not put you in that kinda position.But at the same time you also have to consider his feelings he does not want you running around with other guys that just what happens when you are in love.so all in all you have to do what makes you happy.
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