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I want to be with her long term but I don't think she's sure about us yet. How do I give her the space she needs?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 January 2007)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My "girlfriend" and I have issues. Things couldn't be better when we are just hanging out and not discussing our situation. We are very honest and open with each other. The problem seems to be that we are approaching this relationship from opposite ends of the spectrum. I am 27. I am a classic romantic, the kind girls dream of. I have been on plenty of dates but none have panned out into serious relationships. I think I have found the girl that I have all this passion saved up for. She, on the other hand, has been in many serious relationships. She has told me she can see herself settling down with me, yet I think she fears that she hasn't had much "single" time, and perhaps the fact that we have such strong feelings for each other gives her fear of the permanency of us. My philosophy, have a relationship see if it works. If it pans out awesome, if it doesn't work out, we lick our wounds and move on. I guess hers is she wants to be sure first before things get serious since she has been through the emotionally draining process of relationships and breakups. I am addicted to her. How do I give her the space she needs?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007):

I think i forgot to mention how long we have been seeing each other this time around. I think the first time we got involved romantically was mid november. not long i know. we see each other every weekend and talk on the phone everynight for at least a half hour and text throughout the day. i don't understand because probably 70% of the time it is her that calls me. i dont get it. i think we have plenty of space.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007):

i guess i should explain that it is more complicated. We have a past history.we dated for a couple months in college about 4 years ago. i guess the circumstances weren't right at the time. we both have acknowleged that we never stopped having feelings for each other (despite her having a serious boyfriend since then). We kept in contact through the years with a phone call or a platonic "date" every once in a while. anyway, we r amazing together. sometimes it is hard to believe how well we fit together. she assures me that she only wants to see me and will not date other guys, but at the same time she needs space. i guess i just have trouble understanding. i am really trying. she really seems from what she says that she will come around and i have faith. but i am tormented at the same time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007):

well, to start with, how long have you two been together? That would help a lot.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007):

Somebody give me some advice!!!

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