Dear All,I'll just cut right too it: I recently transferred from a university near Boston to a university in Washington, D.C. There is a girl who I am very close friends with at the old university, and I'd very much like to ask her out. Not only are we close friends, but we also have fairly similar tastes as well as experience in long distance relationships; in fact, part of our friendship grew out of our long distance relationship problems. In addition, we are at a stage where we both admittedly want space and freedom. Now, my conundrum is twofold: A) Her last two boyfriends were disasters, and (as a gorgeous girl) is hit on a lot. All of this has had a negative impact on school and her freedom, so she claims that she would rather enjoy the single life for a while. Now, I too want my freedom and so on, which is why I think we would be perfect for one another right now. The distance allows us to enjoy freedom most of the time, while allowing us to have an emotional relationship that we can count on when we need it. Also, we have the means to visit each other as regularly as we need, meanning that physical time together will also not be a concern. My fear is that she is worried about another bad relationship, even though I want to merely take our friendship to the next level and nothing more. My question is: am I out of line for asking now? (Note: she has said she wants to enjoy the single live in between all three of her recent boyfriends. Feel free to consider this or bench it.)B) If its not too out of line to ask her out, would it be inappropriate to do so over the phone / skype? I am currently in France for the vacation, so I can't visit her like I can during the school year. But I do want to ask her out before courses resume, so that I can show her that I will not distract her from her work, and vice versa. Given her previous boyfriends, I feel like I need to demonstrate that I'm not going to be needy (and after a few bad relationships, I really want to keep my freedom).Thoughts?If you have any questions about context or the like, feel free to ask.
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long distance, university
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reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (3 July 2012):It sounds like your amazing friend has exactly what she wants right now. She's got a good friend in you, someone who shares similar tastes and experiences (including long distance relationship problems) and she has her space and freedom.What does she have to gain by making a big commitment?As I see it, entering into a formal long distance arrangement is just like calling dibbs on someone. You can't really have her right now (nor she you) but you don't want anyone else to either. That's unfair to both of you.My advice is to maintain the friendship as is until such time as you're both able to do more than just chat online or on the phone.
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reader, Abella +, writes (1 July 2012):After her past disasters a LDR may be helpful and give her some space. But a LDR without an existing connection is much harder.
However you and her do have an existing connection and some LDRs do work very well.
Tell her you have been thinking of her and you do not want to lose the connection with her.
She can only say yes or no.
You have nothing to lose
I think yes, definitely go for it.
Get to know her well in the LDR and make sure that you occasionally have a face to face connection.
And vary how you contact her
From phone calls,
Actual snail mail letters
Occasional happy card with happy thoughts.
And try to meet face to face for really important days like her birthday
It is definitely worth a try.
Best Wishes with this
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