A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friends and I were having a discussion the other day about opposite sex friendships and dating.I was curious about the different perspectives of opposite sex friendships. My guy friends argued that a woman with a lot of guy friends is unaware that most (if not all) her guy friends wouldn't mind sleeping with her. As a woman with quite a few guy friends, that was a little unnerving to hear. I then asked if they would date a girl with many guy friends, knowing that many other guys wouldn't mind sleeping with her, and they gave me mixed answers. A lot of my girl friends said that they wouldn't date a guy with many girl friends knowing that they'd want to sleep with the his girl friends.Im curious about everyone else's opinion. Is there a difference between a guy having a lot of girl friends and a girl having a lot of guy friends. Which is better/worse? Would you date someone like that? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k4ren  +, writes (12 December 2016):
Men will more often than not want to spend time talking with women that they are attracted to physically and would therefore be happy to jump into bed with.
Men with alot of female friends are either attractive mentally or physically, or bringing out a motherly and protective side to women who find them 'sweet' but do not find them attractive.
That is all there is to this debate, draw your own conclusions.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (12 December 2016):
 I'd date a guy who wouldn't want to sleep with his female friends and knows the difference between friends and FWBs/dates. It's not impossible to find someone who creates and respects boundaries with their friends.
Think about it this way: are lesbians not meant to have many female friends? Gay men shouldn't have many male friends? Bisexuals should have no friends at all?
People can control themselves, you just have to avoid those who choose not to.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 December 2016):
A general rule of thumb is that men and women can't be friends due to attraction. Women seem to be generally unaware of this and feel quite offended when told that most guys are like this. Of course, there will always be exceptions to the rule but that isn't the point. Just ask yourself, "are there any of your guy friends that would hook up with you if you gave them a chance?", and I would imagine the answer is 'yes'.
Is there a difference? Well, for everyone it is different, being male or female has nothing to do with it. The real issue is trust if you were in a relationship. A married couple usually has no issue because they have been with their partner for quite some time. So age groups will matter all well.
If your guy friends mentioned that "a woman with a lot of guy friends is unaware that most (if not all) her guy friends wouldn't mind sleeping with her" then I'm sure one of those guys wants you, or someone else in that group.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2016): The feelings you have about your friends might differ from one person to the next. Some don't differentiate friends from lovers. Some don't see boundaries. Real friendship has it's own set of unbreakable and non-flexible rules.
I am gay. I have straight-male friends who are hot and attractive to both men and women. My eyes see their beauty, but my mind is set on "platonic." I want them as friends without benefits; other than loyalty, mutual-respect, and love. That's what I want, that's what I give, and that's what I receive. Straight doesn't mean intolerant to gay people. That IS a choice.
My gay friends ask me, don't you ever want to have sex with somebody as hot as that? Like my attractive brothers...hell no!!! I just don't blur the lines out of respect, grossness, and a sense of morality. They have wives, girlfriends, and aren't attracted to me sexually.
I am mentally-programmed to make friends. Just friends. My penis stays in neutral.
If you're nothing but a horn-dog, you'll pretend you want friendship. An opportunist doesn't see or respect boundaries, and may use being friends as a means to an end. That is predatory behavior. It's all about perspective.
A hottie is a hottie. If you are a straight-man, and have a hot gay-male friend; you don't want to f*ck him. His looks are simply incidental. You see beyond that. You see something inside, and aside, from his sexuality. Haters and homophobes just assume you're bi for that. Lies, lies, and more lies! Intolerance breeds fear and contempt; without justification. That's pure ignorance.
If you are a straight-female, you still see the beauty in other ladies, it doesn't erase your mental-boundaries, and simply allow you to objectify them as someone to screw. You see a man you like, and that's it. He doesn't tune into your sexual-desires; because the appeal is just not there.
Believe it or not ladies, men can tune you out sexually! Ask your gynecologist and your doctor! No way!!!
Our minds are set to detach sexual-attraction. A pedophile is unable to distinguish the indecency and immorality in sexual-attraction for children. There are no filters. I may be using extremes; but your question demands some rhetorical response. Healthy grown-ups know better, and will not cross those lines. Not even tempted. We know it's wrong and sick. Same goes when we really like people as friends; and don't want to erase the lines that allow us to care for each other under a different emotional-context. Thus the friend-zone. We don't always desire what the eyes interpret as sexually-attractive.
I have had sex with women. I know some of my lady-friends are attracted to me. I just don't feel that way towards them. If I feel sexual-tension getting out of control; I end those connections, because I know it's not about friendship. It's more about sex.
If you can't read the signals, you're either naive or in denial. Don't go judging your male-friends like they only think with their dicks. Don't insult men to be nothing but mindless drones who follow our penises indiscriminately. That pisses me off!!! You might be pretty, but may not be every guy's type. Not to say, if you or he are drunk and uninhibited. You cross lines you normally don't under such circumstance. Intoxicated, you might have sex with a total troll. So when you have a clear and sober head, fully aware, and respect boundaries. Friends will remain friends.
Observe the interaction between people. You know when there is sexual-attraction. Flirtation, sexual-innuendo, too much physical-contact, and goo-goo eyes. Friends don't behave that way towards each other. You won't be fooled. Players like a collection of f*ck-buddies, and try to pass them off as friends. You'll know the difference, if you're not stupid. Yes, we make-pretend flirt to flatter our friends. That's normal, and all in fun.
My rule, if a so-called "friend" shows jealousy when you're with someone; and tries to be a wedge between you. That's more than just a friend. If your significant other can't or won't put them in their place. Dump him or her, immediately!
There has to be a well-enforced boundary-line. This is my romantic-partner/lover; and you are just, and only, a friend!
Aside from jealous and possessive people who are insecure; intelligent people know when your spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend is just being slick and playing on the side. They ALWAYS give themselves away. It may take a while to catch on; but you will. Friendship is well-defined, and publicly displayed as such.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2016): Personally, I would have a problem being with a guy who has a lot of female friends. There is no doubt about it. I would always worry a line would be crossed. Just like women having male friends who might consider sleeping with them, men can have women friends who would also consider sleeping with them. Goes both ways. If you trust your partner, none of this should matter. But I believe that anyone with too many opposite sex friendships is looking for and asking for trouble.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 December 2016):
 I grew up with mostly guy friends (my neighborhood had only boys my age till around age 12, when a couple of girls moved near my house) I have never asked them if they felt that way. I always kept things pretty platonic and I really never had a problem with a male friend crossing the line. EVER.
My husband has a larger circle of friends, some male, some female - I have met them all and don't have a problem with any of them.
My second BF was a male model and had a TON of female friends, all who were 10x times prettier than me and yet it was never a problem. MAYBE because it was before social media and texting took off?
I think it's a problem IF there are blurred lines and boundaries or if SEX has been part of the equation at ANY point in time. Other than that? no, I don't see an issue.
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