A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I'll just start off by giving a little information about myself. I am 19 years old and just started my second semester in university. I come from a Chinese family where my parents are protective and always seem quite paranoid whenever I go out which I absolutely understand why that is. Anyways, recently,I've become closer to a friend of mine that I knew for 7 and we found that we've gotten so much closer together. And he has visited me several times on my uni campus. And well, slowly our relationship grew and now we've decided to start dating. The only thing that is holding me back from fully entering a relationship is the fact that I want my parents to accept that I am at the age where I am going to start seeing people. I want to tell them about this guy actually. I want my parents to be aware of seeing this guy. He actually took me out last week for dinner and obviously I told my parents I was out with this guy and he spoke to my parents and everything seemed alright. I am determined to try to get my parents to get to know this guy and all I really want is to get my parents to be aware that I am seeing someone. Obviously, I won't be forcing my way on this matter, I've already introduced him to my parents and I'm hoping they won't mind me seeing this guy.He(guy I'm dating) asked me to go to a party that his friend is throwing, an open house party (meaning family will be there and everything) for chinese new year, that's going on the coming Friday. and of course I want to go and accompany him on this party as I think he wants to introduce me to his friends. How do I ask my parents for permission to go? I really like this guy and really think he and I are good together. I really hope that my parents will come around on this matter. What should I do? I know my parents want to protect me and all but at some point I want them to accept the fact that he and I are seeing each other etc. If theres any questions, I'm happy to answer them. thanks in advance :)
View related questions:
university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, liddel  +, writes (20 February 2018):
Looks like you're off to a good start by telling them what you are doing. I'm unfamiliar with your families culture but you've grown up in a different culture. You need to work your way, gently, into getting your parents to understand that.I grew up very rebellious and after about the age of 12, was unable to ask permission. Instead, if I wanted to do something, I would just tell them what I was doing. They had the chance to veto it at that point but it was effective without making me ask. Example; I could not bring myself to ask, "May I go to Terry's house?". Instead, I would say "I'm going to Terry's house". They would often veto it but my rebellion would not allow me to do it otherwise.In your situation, let's give your friend the name of Bill. Call your parents and during the conversation, say something like, "I'm going to Bill's family's house for Chinese New Year." If they decide to interject, they can and you can answer what questions they might have. They might just leave it alone and accept the fact that your culture is different from the culture they grew up accepting.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2018): My parents never knew who or when I was dating when I was a adult.You are a adult.Do what you want.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2018): [EDIT]:
"now that you've become more established at school."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2018): Slowly get your parents used to the idea that you are making friends; and you have met someone very familiar on campus.
Sell them on the fact that he is a very nice guy, and he invited you to celebrate Chinese New Year with his family. Don't ask their permission. Tell them you're considering it, and would like to go. They will go into parent-mode if you act like a child. They just have to realize you're growing-up and meeting people; noe that you've become more established at school. They can't stop that.
Avoid alcohol. Have a means to always get yourself back to campus on your own, and don't let him take you anywhere by surprise. Know before-hand where you're going, and if it's not what he said, insist on being taken home. Call a cab or uber if things get out of hand. If you don't know where you are, call your parents; and set the GPS on your phone so they can find you.
If you oversell the idea about a boy; they will gang-up and get all traditional on you.
Don't argue, just inform them. You have to be smooth and mature about it. Let them know you'll be careful and let them know when you leave and when you get back to the dorm at school. Don't sound nervous or like you're pleading. That sounds like a child, and will instantly make them go into protective-mode. Keep your tone casual and respectful; don't come across too defiant. It's how you deliver the message that counts.
...............................
|
