A
female
age
30-35,
*enetl
writes:i want my husband to share me. i have had this desire for a long time. it started when my husband told me, during foreplay one night, he wanted to watch me have sex with another man. we talked about it and i said i would like to do it. but after the sex was over i told him that i really didn't want to do it. i was afraid that he would think less of me if i did it. also, i was afraid people would find out if i did it. but i do want to do it and i have been wanting to do it since my husband said he would like to watch me with another man. i think about it all the time and especially when i make love to my husband. however, my husband has never mentioned it again after i told him i did want to do it. but i really, really do want to so badly. my husband really sounded so excited by the idea of me having sex with someone. what i want to know, from people with experience in this, is how to proceed in this. i know i will have to ask my husband and i am wondering if i hurt his feelings rejecting it when he first asked me. he keeps his hurts suppressed so i am not sure if i hurt his feelings. he has not acted different. how do i prepare myself for having sex with another man and being married and my husband being there. my husband wanted to have sex with me after the other man has cum. i feel intimidated by the process of getting started. i guess it is making the first step. i am a bit shy. i am a second generation filipina-american. my family raised me to be quiet, seen but not heard. my father was an administrator and my mother was a teacher. i am in my early thirties and have two children. my husband is an army sergeant. he is very bold. he is more than twice my size. i am 5 feet, 1/2 inches tall and he is 6 feet 3 inches. i weigh 94lbs and he is 221lbs. he has many big muscles. and he is very kind and loving to me. we don't have any problems in our marriage. we have been married 7 years. i know i am not good at communicating, but we laugh a lot and talk every night. when we go to bed, my husband asks me about my day. he always asks about how i feel about things. i feel that i am happy. i am never bored. he makes love to me often. he is the only man i have had sex with. i think that makes me very interested in having another man while my husband watches. he is more experienced than me and said that he believes a married woman does not becomes her husbands property and that she needs to be her own person with her own likes and desires. i think i must talk about this with my husband and i will. but i think my big fear is how i will act and what will my husband think of me. does he really want me to enjoy another man's body to the point i really want it and like it alot? i think of two men touching me, having sex with me when i have sex with my husband. how do you women. who have done this, prepare yourself for it? how do you men see your wife afterwards.
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foreplay, married woman, muscle, sex with another, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2017): Speaking from experience.... don't do it. We "spiced" things up. For a few years it was awesome at first. BUT, if you have underlying issues this will be the straw that ruins your marriage. It will take over your thoughts. It will become the center of your sex life. Your physical relationship should be an expression of your love for each other. I am not saying that married couples can't have hot steamy sex but when this enters your marriage it will DOMINATE your relationship... and destroy it. We had a rock solid marriage. 20+ years.. Kids, house, dog... the whole 9 yards. We introduced this "fun couple time" and it blew up. It became the centerpiece of our communication. "When are we going to do it again"... "We gotta find that perfect person" ... Every time we went out and someone talked to her.... "was he a potential partner". Each time you do it then you want to take another step. If she was in the mood to find someone and I wasn't then I would get pissed that she was "doing this on her own". If I was in the mood for it and she wasn't. She would get pissed "That is all you think about". We only did the wife sharing thing. I wasn't interested in other women and no I am not bi. I can't tell you how much pain this caused. Once the "permission" is given you can't take it back. You can't go back to how it used to be... you never can. She ended up having a affair (not with anyone we met as a couple). It has take a few years but we are good friends again but unfortunately the damage is done. Words spoken in anger can't be taken back. The children have to visit two houses for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Close bonds with brother and sister in-laws have been lost. No it is not worth it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2017): Fantastic sex is from that special person who wants you in life and to be shared with others tends to ruin a marriage. I know that’s what happened to me on my first marriage . If you want to experience multiple men in bedroom get a ( toys) that cling to the wall and go that route it will give you the idea of what two men are like and it may turn him on or off depending on how much he loves you.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (17 September 2017):
Many men have the fantasy of seeing their wife with another man. I don't understand it but it's there. Your husband has that fantasy but I suspect it is just a fantasy and he has no interest in really seeing you with another man.
I would let it go but if you really want to pursue it bring it up as part of foreplay the next time you're making love. If he says he is into it talk to him about it when you're done in that post coital bliss time and then see how he feels. Again I think he just likes the fantasy not the reality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2017): My boyfriend is my first and only sexual partner. He took my virginity. And after 4.5 years together, I can honestly say I want or need no other man. All I want and need is my boyfriend. Sexually. And in every way. The passion and intensity I feel for him and from the sex we have is so incredible that I have absolutely no desire to ever be with anyone else. And the strong emotional connection I have to him safeguards me from any interest in anyone else. As it should be.
I don't think you love your husband or are lacking something in your emotional connection. Or you would not be entertaining the thought of making a fleeting fantasy a destructive reality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2017): I think I can understand you. I think you feel that because you were a virgin when you married that you have missed all the fun that others had before settling down to marriage. But believe me that even if you had tons of fun before marriage you can still yearn for the carefree life you had before marriage. Especially if you are in a long term marriage no matter how happy you are in it. I can't say I was very popular with girls but still I dated around 30 girls before my marriage and slept with I think 5 of them in total. Now after many years of a monogamous marriage I fantasize all the time and wish If I had slept with all the 30. Probably wouldn't do it in reality. As the others have already emphasized that fantasy and reality are quite 2 diffrent things. Reality is much more complicated and nasty. So we mustn't mix the two together. I am sure your husband would be very hurt if you tell him about your fantasy and you would lose his trust and create immence chaous in your life. Just keep your fantasy in your head like we all do and good luck in your marriage life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 September 2017):
 DISCLAIMER:
First, I will say I do not speak from experience as this is something I wouldn't do myself and my post will reflect my views.
While I love a good fantasy (naughty or nice) I think the reason we DO fantasize is that we want full control over a situation. Who says what, who does what, who feels and think what. THAT! you can do in a fantasy. NOT in reality.
In your head, the fantasy has played out in several version (I bet) and none of them ended in a negative fashion or emotionally hurtful.
Am I right?
The difference between REALITY and FANTASY is vast. It's like ordering a wedding dress online from a store that sells them for $10. The pictures (fantasy) looks amazing, the price is ridiculously great (fantasy) but when it shows up (reality) you GET what you paid for AKA a $10 dress.(reality).
And you can return it but it will cost you more than it's worth.... REALITY.
So here are my thoughts. ROLEPLAY with your husband. He can be someone else, YOU can be someone else. It's playing out the "fantasy" in a very healthy, fun and safe way.
If you add a man to your bedroom, how long till your husband wants to add a woman? It would be fair, right? And then HOW would you feel?
Your husband sounds like a gem. When you told him no, I don't really want that, he NEVER brought it up again. That is a man who can TALK to his wife about fantasies, sex but also RESPECT what she said. Maybe once it was out there he had a little thought and decided in his own mind that sharing you is not something he really wants.
VERY few people can leave emotions out of sex. You two have a 7+ year history with each other. ONE "little" 3-some can obliterate those 7+ years of trust and respect in no time.
While it might sound TANTALIZING to do it, how do you think it would really play out? What if this guy gives you the BEST ever sex. His dick is the perfect size for you. You will then probably want to try that again, either with the same guy or someone else. Your husband will start to feel like HE isn't MAN enough for you. That he is somehow lacking. It's all downhill from there.
I think VERY few men ACTUALLY want to see their beloved wife get "fu...." by another man. It's emasculating. Yes, I know there are guys who enjoy being a cuckold. I think if that was something your husband REALLY wanted... He would have sought that out earlier than 7 years into the marriage.
As for him wanting you to be your own person, again. Gem of a man. Doesn't mean he WANTS you, the mother of his kids, his wife, and partner in life to have sex with other men.
As I'm sure YOU wouldn't really want HIM to stick his penis in other women, right?
I have a good friend who was married to a sex addict. The guy was a walking hard-on, to be frank. They started early in their marriage to do the "swinger-lifestyle". She did it because she wanted to keep him happy and she could keep up with his libido of wanting sex 2-5 times a day. The thing is SHE really didn't want to do it but she did, FOR HIM. Over time she found that he would not stick to the rules, he would see women behind her back, have SEVERAL f-buddies who all thought, SHE had agreed to it. In the end, she found that emotionally she didn't want this anymore, he didn't want to quit so she divorced him.
Both of them ended up in a emotionally bad place. Him for being "indulged" all the time and putting HIS needs for sex above her and his family and her for doing things (sexually and otherwise) she really didn't WANT to do.
HAVE a talk with your husband. Look for another way to spice up your sex life.
Don't RUIN a good marriage and life for a fantasy that will NEVER live up to expectations.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2017): Hold it right there!
Hubby is not going to like it ..he's just testing you.
Are you faithful?
Or just another person out for a joyride and a visa!
Or are you a future prostitute?
If you love your husband then forget this idea. It is not sexy.
It is not faithful.
Yes it will make you look cheap and thats a bad idea.
If you respect your husband stay faithful and no other man or woman in the bedroom.
Then you will be happy for life.
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