A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We moved in together around 4 months ago. I love him, he loves me. At the start of the relationship he was the one persuing me and wanting more of my time and attention. Now the tables have turned. I want to feel wanted again.At the weekend he tells me he us going out to the pub. He doesn't even ask me what I'd like to do this weekend, it's not a conversation where he shows an interest in whether I'd like to do something with him. We get to Friday after work and he just tells me that he is going to the pub and asks if I want to go. I usually don't because I like to relax at home Friday night, unless there is an occasion to go out. I'm in my 30s and I don't like drinking for the sake of it. Well, tonight I said that I have plans on Saturday so why doesn't he go out Saturday night so we can stay in and have a movie night. He replied, looking really uninterested in the idea, that he was not in the mood. So he's gone out. He'll stay out late, get drunk, probably pass out on the sofa and do the whole thing again on Saturday night.My boyfriend is in his late 40s. I love him. He is loyal and faithful and he is there for me. But, I just feel when he goes out every weekend and he knows that I would like his company, I just feel disappointed. Am I being unreasonable? Also I feel like I am always the one initiating sex between us. He'll usually go along with it when I do, and it is good. I'm just not feeling much passion or enthusiasm from him anymore. I do nice things for him. I tell him he's attractive and I'm always cuddling him and showing him affection. I just want more back from him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2019): Getting more information kind of sums it up. It seems your relationship has run its course. He may have chased you before; but I guess the shine and novelty has worn-off after two years.
Well, if nothing changes even after asking. I guess you know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThings changed before we moved in together. I noticed that if I didn't go to him, I wouldnt see him all week. Now I notice that if I do not ask for sex, we won't have it. It's been 2 weeks and it bothers me, but not him. He seems content with going along with things the way they are.
I have spoken up. I told him how I felt when I was rejected so often. He said he didn't know I was coming on to him, and he made more effort for a while, we started having sex again. But it is still always me asking him for sex and affection. I can't remember the last time he made a move on me for sex.
It makes me think he's just going along with this relationship, but that he's not really into me.
I would just like him to want to have date nights, and tell me I'm beautiful and sexy and that he is turned on by me. Maybe buy me flowers or a card for our anniversary. He did a Facebook post, but call me old fashioned, I'd like the old fashioned gestures too. I make an effort to cook him nice dinners, and I tell him he's attractive to me and love to touch him. More often I get told to get off because he's too hot, too tired, or hungover. That's why I dont like him going out all weekend because I either get him drunk, unusally argumentative, or hungover and not in the mood for affection. I just want love, a bit of tlc and yes sex, once a week. I don't think that's too much to ask or expect from a long term, unmarried coupledom. I don't want to hen.peck him. I want him to WANT to do these things with me not just FOR me, to keep me happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2019): Welcome to normal complacency and domestication. You're past the honeymoon-phase, fallen into a normal routine, and you're no longer in courtship. Before, it was chasing each other; but now you live together. You're there when he gets home, and he's there when you get home.
Passion plateaus after two years. It takes imagination and creativity to keep things going. It also takes patience and being grateful for having someone who loves you. They won't always be Hallmark card perfect! That's the reality of life!
People love tossing-around the word "passion." It's an imaginary made-for-TV glamour-magazine word. Either you're in the mood, or not in the mood; tired, or you can be put in the mood. That's normalcy. If you're always rejected, then it's a problem.
What's wrong with you initiating sex? Sounds great to me!
If you don't want to go out, and he does; I think he's too old to be asking for permission. You have the option to tag-along, or stay home. If you choose to stay home, you shouldn't complain.
If he wants me-time and a drink, he's old enough to do that; and he really doesn't have to behave like a hen-pecked husband. He's your boyfriend! Different rules apply! Husbands have to be considerate of his marriage, because he took vows; and he has a heap of responsibilities to his partner for making such a commitment. Boyfriends can walk whenever they decide to. He's on an honor-system; which is enforced by mutual-agreement, as a condition of remaining a couple. Failure to comply will result in being dumped!
You're trying to create a faux-marriage situation. It's not like when you were dating; but you're not married either!
Now you live together, see each other regularly; and things start to settle-down and fall into place. He's content, my dear! He pursued you, and he caught you! You've gone from being a coveted-prize to a beloved trophy! From a pursuit to a victory! It's a win-win! You got him to commit!
If you want more...ASK! Use your words!
If you think he has a drinking problem, then address that. Otherwise, everything else is fairly normal. Try to create harmony, and do what he likes to do; compromise, and sweetly urge him to do the same for you. That's how couples work it out. Stop complaining, and be creative.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 August 2019):
 Have you told him you MISS the time where the two of you just spend time together?
Did things change when you moved in together?
If so, maybe he just kind of takes things for granted now.
YOU DO need to tell him that you feel a bit unfulfilled.
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