A
female
age
30-35,
*ul1993
writes:I need some advice. Im an 18 year old women and although i know its still quite young me and my boyfriend of 14 months are so desperate for a family. I would love to have a baby i know how difficult it would be but im sure we would cope. He has a 2 year old daughter already which the mother doesn't allow him to see because shes not a very nice person and it genuinely breaks his heart. We are both very family oriented people and we both want nothing more than to have a baby. But there is one problem. My dad would hit the roof. If my dad was a more laid back man i honestly wouldn't hesitate, but the thought of him finding out the possibility of me getting pregnant scares me. He'd be dissapointed, VERY angry and upset. Im in college at the moment studying child care but would genuinely love nothing more than to give it all up for a family. My boyfriend works hard and we'd have a lovely life. What do i do??
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (22 August 2011):
OP your boyfriend's ex sounds awful from what you say, but then I would ask why you want to get yourself even further caught up in this situation by bringing yet another child into the equation. I can see why your dad would be angry if you gave up your college course to have a kid with a guy who already has one child with a problematic ex, while you will only be educated to A-level? standard if you give your course.
You haven't told us whether you have your own place, etc, and how you are going to finance the baby, especially if the father would also be paying out child support and you are not working at all? That is the sort of thing your dad is going to be angry about. You can see why, can't you? He loves you and wants the best for you, not having to scrape by with one wage, child support going out every month, bringing up a child at 18 with a guy who already has one from a failed relationship. Who would want that for their child? Plus I'm sure he wouldn't want to have to contribute financially either.
A
female
reader, jul1993 +, writes (22 August 2011):
jul1993 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all for the answers. My boyfriend does work full time and im in full time education. I got to college and its free. The mother of his daughter is truly an evil person and i say that with confidence. Im not defending my boyfriend, he pays child support every month and more if he can afford to. She uses many things against many people, my boyfriends daughter is one of them, he had a court date but his mother went in his place because his ex threatened to cry rape which of course didnt happen. My boyfriend wants a quiet life, this woman is poison and is very unpopular amongst almost all of the community. She is known to be evil so i have no concerns about my boyfriends behaviour.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 August 2011):
 If you worry that your dad will be angry then you are too young to be having a baby
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): If the two of you can support yourselves, go for it. However, make sure you will be able to manage if this boyfriend leaves you. Frankly, I would be nervous to go any further without a ring.
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A
female
reader, SaratheSlytherin  +, writes (18 August 2011):
 You are BARELY an adult!! I don't understand why, when you have literally decades to make a baby, you would want to have one now and struggle and be unable to provide the kid with the best of everything... and a kid deserves to have the best of everything. If you really love your potential child, why not wait until you are in a position to fulfill all of its wants, and needs? It beats the hell out of a life of struggle and hardship for mother and baby. I don't mean to be mean, but I don't blame your dad for being angry! I would be angry, too! It's unfair for you to bring a baby into the world unless you are in a position to provide a good life for it. Unfair to the child and unfair to you. I ask you this: Is your father paying for your studies? He is probably upset at the prospect of his hard earned money going down the drain. I am not saying you WOULD do this but a LOT of people drop out of school once they get pregnant and it makes studying really difficult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): there is nothing wrong with wanting a family, but you have the rest of your life to worry about all that! at the very least, you should wait a couple of years,and work full time and start saving up as much money as you possibly can to support the child you want to have (you know how much babies cost right?)Also if you finish your qualifications now, at least you will be able to get a job later on when your kid is a little older, i don't know what your bf's situation is but for most people it's very stressful trying to support a family on just one income.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (18 August 2011):
 Why would your dad hit the roof? Does he not approve of your boyfriend? Maybe he is worried you will end up like his ex, on her own bringing up a child? Im sure your dad wants what's best for you and wants you to be financially stable before starting a famiuly.
If your relationship is as strong as you say it is, why can't motherhood wait a few more years?
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (18 August 2011):
 your 18. if your boyfriend and you are able to financially to move out and be self sufficient to take care of yourselves and a baby then your dad does not really have much of a say in your decision
BUT you are still studying
you have been with your BF for 14 months? this is not long enough to really be sure the relationship will last
your boyfriend has a child already that the mother won't let him see coz she is a nasty person? - don't take his word for that! she may have good reasons that she does not let him see the child, or maybe he actually is not interested in his child. unless you personally know the mother - do not accept just HIS version there are two sides to every story.
my advice would be to hold off on the baby-making. finish your studies. meanwhile you will be giving your relationship more time to develop, see how that goes. at your age there is no need to rush into something as BIG as motherhood
x
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