A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am a grad student at a major US university. One evening not too long ago I was headed home from a long night in the lab (after midnight) when I came across a young woman wearing heels and a dress who approached me. She said that she had been at a party and her friends were "being lame" and so she decided to leave. She seemed like she had been drinking, but not a lot. She asked me if I would walk her home because she was scared. My university is in a city with rather rough areas and she had to cross some in order to get from where she had been to where she was going. I offered to walk with her and when we got close to her apartment building she told me that I needed to wait at the curb. She explained that she wanted me to make sure she made it in okay, but that - and she hoped I understood - I didn't go up to her door with her. I'm generally a good guy so I walked her home and I dutifully waited a safe distance away while I watched her enter her apartment. Since then I think about her a lot. I wonder what might have happened if she didn't find me or if I wasn't the gentleman I am. I want to help her make better choices. I also think that somehow she could sense that I was a person she could trust - that I wasn't just another creepy guy. I felt like we had made a connection in some way.I hardly know her except for the 15 minutes we walked together, but I'd like to get to know her better. I keep thinking about leaving her a note in her mailbox asking her to coffee or lunch or something. Would that be something a reasonable woman would welcome? I mean, she could always refuse, but would I come off as just another creep if I did that? I really want to but, and this is weird to say, I also want her to think that there really are men out there who can make sure a woman makes it home okay without necessarily expecting a "reward." Does that even make sense? If she was interested at all would she have made me wait at the curb?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (5 August 2018):
 I have to agree with code warrior. Get off your high horse man: ‘help her make better choices’? Are you mr perfect?
How do you know she didn’t leave the party because he friends were doing things that she didn’t approve of? She left because he didn’t want to get too intoxicated? Or she had plans she needed to attend the next day? She approached someone to escort her home. I’d say they’re all pretty good choices tbh.
You talked for 15 minutes and you’re questioning whether she should have invited you up to her door. Wouldn’t that be one of these bad choices that you frown upon? Inviting someone she doesn’t know to her door?
Leave her the note, there’s nothing to lose. Leave your number on it and if she doesn’t call back you have your answer whether she’s interested or not. Let her live her life how she wants by the way, she doesn’t need your guidance.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2018): I fully agree with honeypie, you have nothing to lose! The card is a brilliant idea as its not too full on :-)
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (4 August 2018):
 I think this is a wake-up call for you that you need to PLAY as well as WORK. There is a whole world out there outside your lab. You should NOT be working until after midnight.
Do you have friends you can go out with occasionally to meet new people? If so, then do it. If not, then make an effort to make some friends. Join some social groups. If you feel passionately about something, volunteer to help (animal charities, homeless, old people, whatever makes you feel like you would like to help). In this way you will meet new people and make new friends.
I suspect this girl is a VERY different person to you. She sounds like a party animal, whereas you are anything but. Don't pin all your hopes on her, just because you were the random stranger she bumped into on her way home. While I agree it wouldn't hurt to "test the waters" (as suggested by Honeypie), don't expect too much from her and don't take on the role of her protector or mentor. This young lady is behaving very dangerously, approaching strangers in the middle of the night and asking them to take her home. However, she is not YOUR responsibility.
I think this encounter has made you realize you want more from life than studying. Whatever happens (or doesn't happen) with this girl (be aware, she could have asked lots of random guys to walk her home in the past so may not even remember you), make an effort to get out more and make new friends, male and female. In that way you stand a better chance of meeting someone with whom you have more in common.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 August 2018):
 You know where she live, right?
So I'd pick out a cute/funny card and LEAVE it at her door/mailbox, tell her you would like to share a cup of coffee/lunch get to know her better IF she is interested. And then add your phone number.
THAT way you aren't being "stalkerish" or pushing. Whereas if you show up in person it might feel more uncomfortable for her.
Also, I don't think it's your job to "help her make better choices".... Just saying.
IF she doesn't respond within a week. DO NOT attempt anything else. Look elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2018): "If she was interested at all would she have made me wait at the curb?" Even if I were interested in a guy, I still would have made him wait at the curb and NOT invite him up to my home if we had JUST MET. It's a safety issue because I would not know if he would try to take advantage of me or not. Because I do not know him. So there's no way to tell if she'd be interested or not.
It's perfectly ok to leave a note in her mailbox. It would not do any harm. But if there is no reply then LEAVE IT BE. A second time would make you a creep! As for the letter you can write something like "glad you got home safe the other day. Perhaps we can grab a coffee between lunch sometimes. here is my xxx-xxx-xxxx. Have a great day." Perhaps she will text you. There's only one way to find out. Good luck!
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