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I used a fake name on the website because I had been stalked in the past, now my b/f wants to end things!

Tagged as: Age differences, Online dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 February 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 7 March 2016)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I met an older man about 14 years older then me on an online dating site. I went by my username since I met him, however I started a physical relationship with him 7 months ago. I just recently told him my real name because I started falling in love with him. It has caused him to pull away from me. I only kept my username because in the past I have had people stalk me from my real name. I explained this to him and that I have to be cautious because of me living alone with my daughter. However he is saying he's found someone else and will be going forward

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (7 March 2016):

I don't think your usename was the issue. I online date myself and its suggested for safety&privacy to use fake names. A lot of people use fake names until their comfortable giving their real name. So its unlikely this was the problem.

Online dating can cause issues in that there are so many people online to attract you and you may go on a date etc with some one then meet someone else online. I've met up with guys I liked online only to find they've been dating a lot of other girls too. There ius nothing wrong with that as long as you're honest about it. I think this guy met some one else he maybe liked more. It sucks but happens with online dating.

Looks like he used you too which is sh*t! Shame on him for that! I know it hurts but call it a lesson learned. This has happened to me too only I hadn't slept with him. He had someone else lined up and I guess he wanted to have sex with me before becoming serious with her. Such is online dating.

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A male reader, eddie85 United States +, writes (17 February 2016):

eddie85 agony auntIt sounds like to me that he was looking for a reason to bail and this was as good as an excuse as any to give you.

To be honest though, I would feel sort of confused if I were him. Here you've been dating for a while, you've trusted him with your health / well-being by being sexually active with him, and yet you don't trust him enough to give him your real name.

To me, I would take this as a personal insult. Here we've been building a personal and meaningful relationship and I don't even know your real name.

I understand your hesitation in giving out your personal information, but at some point, if you are going to become more than just a casual date or FWB, you are going to have to reveal who you really are -- and the sooner the better.

I would assume you'd want the same if the situation was reversed.

Eddie

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016):

OK I know I waited 7 months but I had given my name and number before to a guy and it was withing like 2 days and he had an app on his phone and tracked me down to my home and looked me up on Facebook and began to creep me out... I explained this to my new older friend and I apologized...I think because we were just a once a week boots call not like we were exclusive we just started getting it in more.....thanks for all the feedback I need it

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 February 2016):

Honeypie agony auntLet him go, if he has met someone else he can't have been that serious about you in the first place. My guess is he has been "juggling" several women and is now nitpicking whom to keep.

And I agree waiting as long as you did, it's not really about your safety. If you can stay a physical relationship with a guy... you can tell him your name. You don't wait 7 months. Seriously. It makes you seem shady. Like you have something to hide, not to protect yourself.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (16 February 2016):

chigirl agony auntAlright, so ditch him. He's already saying he found someone else, wow he moved on fast. This tells me he probably didn't have much real commitment towards you to begin with. I don't think this issue with your name is a real reason for him pulling away, maybe just an excuse because he wasn't fully committed to begin with.

I've lied about my name too one time when I met a new man, only because when I first met him I thought he knew my ex and didn't want things to be awkward. I told him my real name when we started dating and being more serious, and he did not mind at all. I mean really, when you have your reasons and don't lie about something that is actually affecting him, then it doesn't matter. Although I would say, you don't have to wait 7 months to figure out if you want to trust the new guy or not! That's a bit of a reach as far as your "safety" argument goes. Either you trust someone or you don't, a few weeks of dating and getting to know one another, find out more about who he is, and them just spill the beans. Maybe don't give out your last name if you have security issues, but first name should be okay.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016):

I think you should have told him on maximum date 4, take this as a lesson learned!

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