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I unloaded my stress on him, so he broke up with me and started to drink. What now?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 February 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 26 February 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I don't know what to do, I am 17 and have been with my boyfriend for 11 months. We have always had a very exciting relationship, with really strong emotions. But last week I was so stressed out and I took it out on him, which I felt so guilty about. I was so stressed and I expaned that it was wrong of me to do that to him, but he went all wierd on me and wouldn't touch me or even hug me properly. A few days later, he decided we were on a break, then when I saw him, he had been drinking to cover his emotions, and started mouthing off about me to everyone, and went out and cried in his friends car, sayin he was really confused. The night after, he kissed his ex while he was drunk. He has always had a very suspicious relationship with her, and I have never trusted her knowing her for years, and knowing she uses guys and plays with thier emotions. He blames it on alcohol and says he regrets it. I hate the way he hadles his emotions, by drinking. But I feel so deeply about him and never want to lose him. He won't tell me his feelings. What should I do? Please help me.

View related questions: a break, broke up, drunk, his ex

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A female reader, jenna34 United States +, writes (26 February 2008):

you asked this question before and now you are altering it- i guess you didn't like what everyone told you the first time. You want to hear you guys are so in love and should be together, i don't know, do you really want advice?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

Perhaps if you hate the way he handles his emotions you should lead by example and handle yours better, i.e. if your stressed don't take it out on him.

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A female reader, jabey United Kingdom +, writes (25 February 2008):

Im afraid perhaps now you should just back off. Dont contact him and let him cool off.

with the space that you provide, hopefully he will decide if he wants you and the ex is in or out.

Any pressure from you and he may react badly. After a while if he has not contacted you. Contact him, and time for straight talking. Tell him calmly how you feel and what you would like form the relationship, and ask him what he would like.

if he wishes to continus with you, you now have to consider, your future. If this man is a drinker, then it is going to be a hard, heavy long road for you. Im afraid love will make us do anything and you will probably accept his behaviour.

maybe you should, think long and hard if you want this type of relationship, one where the ex figures so heavily and alchohol is his sheild.

You sound like the strong one, he sounds weak, and probably needs you more than you need him. are you willing to be his support, and sounding off board. Is he willing to acknowlege he has problems and is ina muddle ?

Relationships like your sometimes become like a drug, the highs are so high its great, but the lows are so low its hell. But you keep going back for that fix, like an adict.

As A sensible stong woman I would say walk away, but ive been there and know how hard it is, but by gosh I wish I had, because I look back and wiah I had ran, because relationships with alcohol and exes can destroy you and your confidence. But sometimes you need the journey to realise.

sorry this is not much help, but take some time out to think long and hard xxx

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A female reader, Jargenhunter United States +, writes (25 February 2008):

You are in a relationship together, you should be able to vent to each other (although taking it all out on him isn't a good idea) in a proactive way. You need to sit down with him and say look, regardless of what is going on between us, drinking isn't a good way to deal with these things. Agree that you need to come to make a sober decision on what you want to do with this relationship.

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (25 February 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntYou seem confused about your age dear !!!!

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