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I trusted him to help a friend...then he left me for her! How do I stop the hurt?

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 December 2005)
A female , anonymous writes:

Make me feel better !

I had been dating my now ex boyfriend for 3 years. One night at his house he recieved a phone call from a female friend who had discovered she was pregnant not by him, being the stupid person that I am and trusting that they were just friends I let him travel to see her - he eventually left me for her. However I work with him every day and over the past year he tells me that he loves me and misses me, although he's still with his girlfriend.

My self esteem is so low, he's knocked all the confidence I had out of me, I can't bear seeing him at work.

Things came to a head recently when they fell out he had the option of leaving her but couldn't do it despite all that he had told me.

I'm so confused, he's really played mind games with me.

How do I stop the hurt and manage to get on with seeing him every day, why should I leave my job because of him!

I'm constantly reminded of him, the music that I play etc

If anybody has any advice please answer me !

View related questions: at work, confidence, I work with, self esteem

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A male reader, DreamMaster Ireland +, writes (1 December 2005):

DreamMaster agony auntThis guy is going to break your heart over and over.

He has no respect for your feelings, so i wouldnt care if he loved you or not, the fact is that he doesnt respect you, and you will not be happy in such a relationship, even if he did say he wants you back (which will only happen when his other girlfriend dumps him)

Its a real shame you have to see him every day - a HUGE rule i always have is NEVER get involved with anyone you are working with, and since you broke it you have to live with these consequences

You are just going to have to try harder to detach yourself from him, dont listen to his mind games (dont listen to him at all if possible), start looking for a different (unattached) guy,

Oh, and i have no idea WHY girls do this, but if you are serious about getting over him - STOP listening to Love songs that remind you of him.

Unless they are songs like 'Everybody Hurts' or Gwen Staffani's 'I know we're cool', or Craig David 'I'm walkin away', that kind of thing. Things that make you feel stronger. NOT songs that remind you of good times, so yeah, tear up the pictures of you and him, stop pining for the past, and start looking forward to the future

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005):

Hi, Im sorry to hear whats happening to you but I am going through the very same thing. My ex finished with me for another girl 6 months ago and although he didnt know it, I could see she was using him to make anothr guy jealous. She did not like my ex in that way at all. I tried to tell him this but he called me a liar and a trouble stirrer and refused to speak to me again. I became very depressed and the pain was unbearable because I live in a very small town and had the pleasures of seeing them walking around together everyday. We also had the same group of mates so I would always hear his name come up and I dont agree with people when they say things like "move on" or "time will heal" because how can it when you are constantly seeing them or hearing things about them? It seems to me that you want to stay at your job because you are trying to hang onto him and waiting for the day that he comes back to you. I dont think this is going to happen. He is playing cruel games when he tells you he still loves you because he doesnt. Although it may seem like a weaker option, leaving your job maybe for the best. How can you even expect to get over someone who you see everyday and is constantly telling you he still loves you? At least that way you can really cut him out of your life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005):

one word...painkillers

sorry.

I had that same exp. but my ex left me, for no apparant reason, and got rejected by 2 people.

time will pass, wounds will heal etc. If you don't like him, shut him out of you're life completly, cut any pics you have of him (if their with you, and you like the pic) cut him out. Remove mobile numbers, anything, go out meet new people.

I'm sorry that you got hurt, and I don't want to seem mean, but its the only way - move on.

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